So Thursday morning, President Obama desperately tried to get in front of the immigration debate and came loaded with stuff about hope and fear and fear and hope!
Which means, it's time for another episode of our favorite sitcom, "Hello, Barry."
In tonight's very special episode, Barry gives us a very important talk on the harmfulness of divisiveness, which translated means "disagreeing with him":
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA: Into this breach, states like Arizona have decided to take matters into their own hands. Given the levels of frustration across the country, this is understandable. But it is also ill conceived. And it's not just that the law Arizona passed is divisive -– although it has fanned the flames of an already contentious debate. Laws like Arizona's put huge pressures on local law enforcement to enforce rules that ultimately are unenforceable.
But I believe we can put politics aside and finally have an immigration system that's accountable. I believe we can appeal not to people's fears but to their hopes, to their highest ideals, because that's who we are as Americans. It's been inscribed on our nation's seal since we declared our independence. "E pluribus unum." Out of many, one. That is what has drawn the persecuted and impoverished to our shores. That's what led the innovators and risk-takers from around the world to take a chance here in the land of opportunity.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
All right, let's get this straight: America is the land of opportunity and people come here because it's a great country. I think we've heard all that before: It's the vanilla filling in every single immigration speech Twinkie.
And then Obama brings up the "two poles" of the "contentious" debate (in that disapproving voice of his), saying this issue often divides, inflames and demonizes people, while not-so-subtly accusing those he disagrees with of dividing, inflaming and demonizing.
I think I got his definition of demagoguery: It's demagogic if it makes him look out of step.
So what's his solution? Well, in a swipe at Arizona, he said we can't enforce the laws that aren't enforceable. Which means, "I got nothing."
The American people are saying seal the border first, then let's have reform. Because you can't do the reverse: It's like pouring tequila into a sieve instead of a shot glass. Logically, it's possible, but it stains your pants.
The bottom line: Everyone in America should send Arizona a six pack of beer. When Obama said we finally needed accountable immigration, he did so because Arizona forced his hand. He's not leading the country, the country's leading him. That may be better than the reverse.
And if you disagree with me, you're a racist homophobe who reads "Mein Kampf" on the toilet.