Airport Security Horror Stories

Hi I'm Bill O'Reilly.  Thank you for watching us tonight.  Later on this week, I have to fly to the West Coast and I really dread it.  As more and more airport horror stories are floating in, and that's the subject of this evening's Talking Points memo.

If you have little kids, you know how painful to fly these days, long lines at check-in, longer lines at security, tiny seats, frequent delays on the runway, the list goes on and on.  Now the only good thing is that airfares have collapsed and you can get there cheap.  The security situation isn't  getting any better, and that's because poor judgment is the order of the day.  Security guards working for Northwest Airlines, for example, at Reagan Airport at Washington wanted to strip-search 75-year-old Congressman John Dingell, because a surgically placed pin in his hip set off an alarm.  Even after the Congressman identified himself and explained the situation, the security guards made him take off his shoes and socks.  Those guards should have been fired on the spot.  Transportation Secretary Norman Mineta says he'll look into the matter.  Yes, sure and I'm Harry Potter. 

Stupidity reigns at the nation's Airport and the reason is that everybody's scared some nut will get on a plane.  But a Congressman should not be humiliated, because some screener is a dunce.  Likewise, with this Arab-American secret service man who was thrown off an American Airlines flight by a suspicious pilot.  What should've happened here is that American Airlines should have called the airport police and given them the agent's badge number, which he provided.  Within minutes, the police could have confirmed the agent's identity, problem solved.  But that's the problem, there aren't any problem solvers or very few working at America's airports. 

We have overworked and harried ticket agents and frightened, poorly educated security screeners.  Since we the tax payers are giving the airlines billions of free dollars, we have a right to demand better performance.  The Bush administration made a colossal mistake by not tying the bailout money to better performance.  Enough is enough with this.  Dumb and arrogant displays at the terminals.  The feds have a responsibility to see that Americans are treated decently at the airports, which we pay for.  Hey, Secretary Mineta, better get in gear, you need to get control of this situation.  And that's the memo. 

The Most Ridiculous Item of the Day

Time now for "The Most Ridiculous Item of the Day."

When we last left "Ridiculous Land," CNN was promoting Paula Zahn by saying she is sexy.  Well, all sexism broke loose, and CNN has now pulled that spot after Paula herself said she was offended.  The advertisement, you might say, was a "one-night stand."

My question is why?  Being sexy is not a bad thing.  I'll take that all day long!  You see, a person can be sexy and intelligent and a good journalist all at the same time.  We news people take ourselves way too seriously, and that's ridiculous.

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