Nick Symmonds Graduates From Olympic Running To The Beer Mile

Nick Symmonds represented the United States in the men's 800 meters at the 2012 Olympic Games in London, but that's stupid kid stuff for babies. On Tuesday, Symmonds graduated to where the real action, is as he tried to break the world record in the Beer Mile.

What is the Beer Mile, you ask? I'm glad you asked! It's a pretty high-tech process that only the elite of the elite should attempt. It's pretty confusing to the layperson, so I'll try to break it down for you.

1. Drink a full beer

2. Run a quarter-mile

3. Do that three more times

Okay, so it's not really that complicated. Symmonds set out to break the world record on Tuesday, but he unfortunately came up short. As reports, Symmonds did manage to set a new American record (breaking his own previous mark), as he came in at 5:19. However, David Papineau reports that the new mark is the world's best time for a runner using canned beer, beating the previous can record of 5:20. I guess the overall world record is held by someone who drank out of cups. Or bottles. Or maybe a single galosh.

Perhaps we can convince Olympic athletes to start participating in more "Beer" events. I lobby for the Beer Racewalk, Beer Dressage, Beer Table Tennis (NOT Beer Pong) and the Beer High Hurdles would really be something else.

We should uh ... we should probably pass on Beer Javelin, however.

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