When the Senate decided to delay Brett Kavanaugh's Supreme Court confirmation vote for a week to allow for an FBI investigation, everyone who was not Jeff Flake understood the point of it. The investigation itself was irrelevant.
For Democrats, the only purpose was to buy time so that new people, some of them anonymously, could make fresh allegations against Kavanaugh. That's exactly what happened, of course, and we've been the first to scoff at some of these claims because some have been frivolous, unfounded and even absurd.
But now we must tell you a new and troubling story has emerged that could alter the trajectory not simply of the Kavanaugh nomination but of the history of this country. It is a story of a young man, outwardly respectable but so morally distorted within, so addled by chronic dependency on draught beer, that he may have committed a particularly heinous form of assault in a public place.
Worst of all, they are making the rest of us nearly as cynical as professional Democrats already are.
This man, this monster in human form, may have once tossed an ice cube at someone in a bar. Yes, an ice cube, the perfect weapon. Deadly in solid form. And then, within hours, it melts and evaporates into the air, all physical evidence conveniently gone. There are no fingerprints. It's diabolical. The perfect crime.
And frankly, from a constitutional standpoint it is disqualifying.
Now, we'll concede that we missed the significance of this story at first. But after The New York Times broke this blockbuster, other networks were on it long before we were. CNN's "New Day" anchor John Berman breathlessly noted, "Police documents that show that Brett Kavanaugh threw ice in someone's face."
The framers of our Constitution anticipated this very moment. Article III of the Constitution -- in words well known to every first-year law student -- are unequivocal on this subject. "Whoever shall throw ice in a tavern is disqualified from service in the federal judiciary." Game over.
And yet, there is more.
A former Yale student called Tad Low who apparently overlapped with Brett Kavanaugh in school has contacted the FBI with a brand new outrage. Low says that one time at a frat party, some fraternity brothers hired a prostitute to put on some kind of show that Low found offensive.
What does this have to do with Brett Kavanaugh, you might wonder? Well, as Low concedes, nothing directly.
"I can't say for certain that Judge Kavanaugh was present in the frat house," he said.
And yet, and this is the critical part of this story, Brett Kavanaugh may have been in the State of Connecticut when this happened, the very same state at the very same time that people in a fraternity house were doing things that Ted Low didn't like.
There've been a lot of stories like this lately. You may have noticed.
Julie Swetnick claims that 37 years ago, for some reason, she went to 10 gang-rape parties in a row in suburban Maryland, and that Brett Kavanaugh may have been at some of them. What did Brett Kavanaugh do at these parties?
Well, Swetnick signed a sworn statement suggesting that Kavanaugh and friends added drugs and alcohol to the punch that facilitated the rapes that took place at these parties. That's a very serious charge, except as Swetnick explained in a televised interview, she didn't really mean it.
"I saw him around the punch," Swetnick told NBC in an interview that aired Monday. "I won't say bowls, or the punch containers, I don't know what he did, but I saw him by them, yes."
You've heard Democrats talk a lot recently about how Brett Kavanaugh may have lied under oath. There's no evidence for that. There is now though quite a bit of evidence that Julie Swetnick just did.
Democrats don't care. They're not interested in finding out because, hey, whatever works, right? And yet, they should care. Sexual assault is a horrifying crime no matter who commits it. All decent people understand that.
False claims trivialize the offense. And there have been a number of widely publicized false claims over the past 15 years, and they undermine the many assault victims who are telling the truth.
They make the search for justice seem political which it never should be. And worst of all, they are making the rest of us nearly as cynical as professional Democrats already are.
That's a high cost.
Adapted from Tucker Carlson's monologue on "Tucker Carlson Tonight," Oct. 2, 2018