Wed, 11 Mar 2009 21:17:34 +0000 – By S.E. CuppRepublican Commentator/Author, "Why You're Wrong About the Right"
While running for president in 2008 candidate Obama told us for months that the economy -- at its "worst since the Great Depression" (cue scary music) -- was a major reason why he should be elected to run the country. He would bring fresh ideas to Washington, Wall Street and Main Street, and get us out of our money troubles. When he was eventually elected, he told us for weeks that it was imperative and urgent that we pass his stimulus package, lest America crumble into ruins and take Rome's spot atop the list of "Best Ancient Empires" to visit on vacation. The bill was rushed through Congress and promptly signed into action, much to the relief of... well, no one, really.
But as the stock market continues to sputter, joblessness continues to rise, entire industries continue to wane, and Treasury Secretary Tim Geithner runs around Washington hoping to find his staff, the Obama administration wants us to rest assured -- it is hard at work convincing Congress to...lengthen the school day.
In defense of redirecting his attention to stem cell research, GITMO, "Don't Ask, Don't Tell," abortion legislation and other non-essentials totally and utterly unrelated to fixing the economy, President Obama told us that John F. Kennedy didn't choose between Civil Rights and going to the moon. True -- but getting Neil Armstrong some moon rocks was not a national emergency. Had the United States economy been "the worst since the Great Depression" (cue scary music), I'm fairly certain Kennedy would have spent the $100 billion it cost to land on the moon on fixing the deficit.
Is the economy so dire that we need to spend trillions -- now! hurry up! -- of taxpayer money to fix it? Or can we afford to take a little time and make sure we're making the right decisions? It can't be both. And so in honor of President Obama's penchant for multi-tasking at the worst possible time, the following is a list of the top 10 things he could also work on, on the side, while fixing the economy:
1. Do we know definitively how many licks it takes to get to the Tootsie Roll center of a Tootsie Pop? 2. Alitalia loses luggage like Drew Peterson loses wives. They need to be punished. Severely. 3. I was promised flying cars at some point in the new millennium. 4. Update Great Britain's official DVD collection...oh, wait, never mind. 5. I hear the upstairs bathroom outside the Lincoln Bedroom is a pigsty. 6. Put a ShamWow, Chop Slap, and the Snuggie, that wizard-like blanket with sleeves, in every household across the country. 7. Stop neglecting Facebook page and Twitter -- keep those presidential status updates fresh. 8. Take advantage of tanking airline industry, and go on that long overdue second honeymoon with Sandals Royal Bahamian all-inclusive "Romance Package." 9. Pen second autobiography. 10. Get Rod Blagojevich his own NBC Variety Show.