"I was never for the death penalty before -- I am willing to look at it again." 

– Actor Brad Pitt, speaking about what he would like to do to BP executives if he had his way.

Ah, the sharp observations of Hollywood actors. Aren’t you glad that we live in an age where they’re given a stage and a megaphone anytime they want to espouse their political opinion? Once upon a time, one would have had to visit with preschoolers to meet somebody of Brad Pitt’s intellectual stature.

To clarify; Brad Pitt has never considered capital punishment for murderers, rapists, or even serial killing scum like Tookie Williams. Instead, he reserves such measures for evil executives who make slightly more money than he does. No word yet on whether Pitt would hold the Obama administration to the same standard, considering that they share an equal part in the blame.

One would hope that Mr. Pitt was simply making a joke, but that’s likely not the case, for several reasons: a) He’s never been funny and b) He has a long and varied history of using his public platform to push his political agenda and sermonize to us lowly middle-American peasants.

I must say that I do find it hard to take a lesson in morality from a man who has smugly bragged about “rolling the most perfect joints” in Hollywood and famously abandoned his wife after conducting a very public, adulterous affair. We all have a “Brad Pitt” in our neighborhood. We just generally refer to him as “the man-whore down the block” or “the idiot hipster who smells like an arm pit.”

The point is that Brad Pitt’s sense of morality is based on nothing more than mere “feelings.” The way Brad can justify the support of killing oil executives in his pea-sized brain is simple; he really, reeeeally doesn’t like them. In his world, that’s enough.

If severe dislike is now being used as the standard for execution, I’m sure that Mr. Benjamin Button himself would top quite a few people’s list. When it comes to listening to one’s righteous indignation, I generally have a very short grace period for a subjective morality-pushing-adulterer who carries with him the onscreen charisma of a lawn chair. Am I the only one? Folks, please let me know below.

Also, it seems to me that if you’re going to use your celebrity status to push a trendy political agenda du jour, there’s got to be a better trend than the “offing oil executives” wagon. Isn’t cancer still around? How about drunk driving? Maybe I read the news incorrectly but I was under the impression that there are still millions of African children dying needlessly of malaria? Oh, I almost forgot… they need DDT. Pitt doesn’t like the DDT. It gets in the way of his Gaia worship.

Hey Brad, after hurricane Katrina, you decided to use your profile to go down and help people. Yeah, you made sure to let everybody know that you went down to help, but you did some good work just the same. How about doing more of that, and less stoking of the political fires? We know that you have a desperate need to be loved by the public, but statements like these just make you look silly, and somehow (through some miracle) even less likable.

Also, marry the dame.

Steven Crowder is a comedian, writer and Fox News contributor.

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