The surprising truth behind men’s sexual woes

A man’s sexual appetite is often depicted in the media as selfish and uncaring, but physician and author of the new book “The Truth About Men and Sex,” Dr. Abraham Morgentaler, says those stereotypes couldn’t be further from the truth. In fact, common concerns among men-- like penis size and stamina in the bedroom-- are just a couple of hints that men may be more sensitive than many women think.

“Men are so different behind closed exam room doors than they are out in public and in relationships,” Morgentaler, a professor of urology at Harvard Medical School told

Men are much more honest about their sexual inadequacies with their doctors than they are with their partners, he said, adding that men are usually more concerned about their partner’s happiness than their own issues. While an issue like erectile dysfunction is troubling to a man, most say that their biggest concern with sex is not being able to “hold up their end of the bargain.”

As an example, Morgentaler points to premature ejaculation. If the selfish male adage were to be believed, an early climax should not be a problem, as the man is able to achieve satisfaction. However, men are often preoccupied by the phenomenon because they feel they have failed to control themselves long enough to please their partner.

Morgentaler said that the same argument can be made about a host of sexual issues that men face, but the real problem is communication. On top of any physical issue they may be dealing with, men place a mental strain on themselves that often goes unnoticed. While a physician may be able to help with the former, a partner’s attention and understanding can help with the latter.

Morgentaler said that women have given him the best feedback on his book and its revelations. He believes that once women have a better understanding of a man’s psychology, there is an opportunity to forge a better relationship. If a woman can quell her man’s belief that he has to be a “sexual provider” he can be more confident in his prowess, which can lead to a better sex life and relationship.

"When men feel good about themselves sexually, that's when they are best at relationships," Morgentaler said.