Dear Yvonne, My partner is very active in local gay and lesbian advocacy groups, and it makes me uncomfortable since I'm trying to keep my sexual orientation on the down-low for various reasons. How can I deal with my feelings without trying to force my lover to give up his activities? -Cain
Dear Cain, This is something you need to work out on your own. Your partner shouldn't be forced to give up any activities, and shouldn't be made to feel responsible for your feelings - which include decisions you have already made for yourself because of your own comfort level.
To get to a better place emotionally, seek out holistic activities that allow you to get in touch with yourself, like yoga and meditation. Pursue outlets to express yourself and get to the heart of matter - maybe try writing in a journal. If necessary, consider talking to a counselor about why you're having problems coming out, and what you can do to get to a better, more accepting place. This discomfort is your problem, and one only you can address with yourself.
Dr. Yvonne KristAn Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, "Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots."