The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Similarly, it seems the way to Reddit’s ire is also through a man’s stomach.
An anonymous man who identifies as both a vegetarian and a person who can’t cook has taken to Reddit to solicit the advice of other anonymous users about whether or not he is in the wrong for not wanting his wife to make her favorite time-consuming comfort food because she won’t have the energy to make him a special meat-free meal.
Spoiler alert: He is, at least according to Reddit.
The man begins the post by stating he has been with his wife for four years. Though the man has been a vegetarian for a decade, he writes that his wife eats meat, though not as much as she used to because of their fixed budget.
Attempting to earn favor with Reddit, the anonymous man shares that he has bought salami and Italian sausages for his wife in the past, if she was having a craving.
However, he goes on to write that “it’s been cold and rainy all week” in the Northeast where the pair live, and his wife has been “talking about wanting to cook her favorite cold-weather food, Ina Garten’s Bolognese recipe.”
“It’s something she used to love when her mom made it for her, and she has not made it much since because it can be expensive to make and is labor-intensive,” he writes.
"I asked her then what she was going to make for me if she was going to make this big elaborate meal for herself, and she got defensive and said, ‘You can’t cook for yourself tonight?’ in a rude tone"
The man goes on to say he is grocery shopping and his wife gave him a list of what to pick up for the meat sauce, writing that his wife will usually make a meatless version for him.
“Typically, if she’s making something with meat, she will make a separate batch of the same food, just vegetarian-friendly, or make me a separate meal. I can’t really cook much, so when she doesn’t cook for me I will gravitate toward frozen or canned food, or sandwiches.”
However, he learns his wife, who evidently has endometriosis and was currently experiencing a flare-up, is feeling too ill to make two batches of the recipe, which “requires a lot of work, care, and timing.”
“I asked her if it was possible to just leave the meat out until the end, but according to her it was not, and it was important for the meat to cook with the tomatoes and wine. I asked her then what she was going to make for me if she was going to make this big elaborate meal for herself, and she got defensive and said, ‘You can’t cook for yourself tonight?’ in a rude tone,” he writes.
The man claims he “argued calmly” that he felt he was “being cheated out of a nice meal.”
Pushing the issue further, he claims his wife began crying and asked him why he was being “difficult about this when she wasn’t feeling well and just wanted to do something that made her happy.”
Reddit had the same question when it weighed in on the matter, with the majority declaring the man to be wrong.
“Dude. You're a whole grown-up. It's time to learn how to cook,” one person wrote.
“Can’t cook = won’t. This fool suuuuuuuuuucks,” another person wrote.
“I am seeing what you guys are saying, I should probably apologize to her, but is it not at least a little [bit both of our faults]?”
“She cooks for you guys every day, she wants something she likes just once. She's not even asking you to make it … you are stopping her from doing something for herself, you gigantic a--h---,” another commented.
“She’s your wife not your mother, and you’re not a child. You already said she doesn’t feel well and she’s trying to make a comfort meal for herself," one added. "It is incredibly self-centered and selfish to ask her not to make her favorite meal."
After the overwhelming response, the man updated his post, and at first seemed to realize the error of his ways, saying he should apologize to his wife. But then, he began trying to reason that maybe "ESH" — or “everyone sucks here,” referring to himself and his wife both being at fault.
“I am seeing what you guys are saying, I should probably apologize to her, but is it not at least a little esh?”
Reddit did not seem to agree with the update, either.