'The Five' torch Biden's border security as migrants sport shirts with his name

This is a rush transcript from "The Five," March 5, 2021. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

JESSE WATTERS, FOX NEWS HOST: Hello, everybody. I'm Jesse Watters along with Juan Williams, Gillian Turner, Greg Gutfeld, and Dagen McDowell. It's five o'clock in New York City and this is The Five.

The consequences of rolling back common-sense border policies are blowing up in Joe Biden's face. His incompetence is creating catastrophe like we've never seen before. And now Donald Trump is tearing in to the current president with a scathing statement.

Trump is slamming Biden's disastrous leadership for creating a spiraling tsunami of migrants, and unaccompanied kids showing up at the border, but the White House says they won't be taking any advice.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

JEN PSAKI, WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY: We don't take our advice or counsel on former President Trump on immigration policy, which was not only inhumane but ineffective over the last for four years. We are going to chart our own path forward and that includes treating children with humanity and respect and ensuring they are safe when they cross our borders.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

WATTERS: And Republicans in Congress have had enough.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

REP. DAN CRENSHAW (R-TX): The Democrats and Joe Biden they want more illegal immigrants crossing our border. As soon as Biden took office, he ripped up agreements with Mexico, the very agreements that were stopping this crisis.

KEN PAXTON (R), ATTORNEY GENERAL OF TEXAS: The narratives that the president is putting out that is seemingly inviting people to come and the numbers are starting to show it.

SEN. RON JOHNSON (R-WI): This is a huge national security issue that the Biden administration is saying is only a challenge. No, this is a crisis. This is a disaster and it's a disaster of their own making.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

WATTERS: Maybe the White House should try listening. Things getting so bad the administration is reportedly looking at a military base in Virginia to house unaccompanied migrant children.

And Axios is reporting the CDC is letting those child migrant facilities fill to 100 percent capacity despite COVID concerns. But hey, we can't call it a crisis just yet, I guess.

All right. So, Greg Gutfeld, Joe Biden is transferring kids in cages to a military base named after a confederate general in a state governed by a Democrat who wore black face. You can't make this stuff up.

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS HOST: And these facilities are going to go to 100 percent capacity but our restaurants can't. So, what I --

WATTERS: Right.

GUTFELD: But what I learned today, which is amazing is that the migrants are actually ignoring advertisements telling them not to come here, so only Democrats would think that a wall doesn't work but ads do. That's like saying OK, folks, don't put locks on your doors, just put up a sign that says please don't come into our house and take all our stuff.

This is, again, Dems do not see the value of friction and this is disincentivizing behavior. They think walls don't work but obstacles by nature obstruct. You don't even have to be a strong wall to slow down progress but they don't understand that. So now they got a problem. And they can't -- they can't take any advice from Trump because he is evil even though his advice would actually save their butts.

WATTERS: Yes, I think they are so arrogant, Dagen, they can't admit a lot of the policies and deals that Trump cut with the Central American-Asians and Mexico helped stem this flow of unaccompanied minors but Biden created this crisis and I don't think he has a solution, do you?

DAGEN MCDOWELL, FOX NEWS BUSINESS CORRESPONDENT: No, because this is actually Biden and cause immigration policy. Their policy is come on in, border is open.

WATTERS: Yes.

MCDOWELL: Bigger government. We are going to create this vast welfare state for you and the bigger the government is, the more power we have. And we'll make you citizen and then you can vote blue and it's going to be deep, deep (Inaudible) from sea to shining sea. I'll one up you the restaurant 100 percent capacity so the migrant child facilities can go to 100 percent, cramming those migrant children in there but our kids in this country can't get back to school.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MCDOWELL: Because that's not -- because that's not safe.

WATTERS: Right.

MCDOWELL: So, Joe Biden and co. created this perverse incentive for children and their families to put their lives at risk, or rather smugglers and traffickers to put those very children at risk, but you won't hear him call it a crisis or chaos. It's a challenge, and that's one thing about Democrats and then fascist and others who have fascist-like tendencies.

They're not going to -- it's the language. They try to control the language and it speaks to two things. The craven way that the Democrats governed but also their true opinion of the American people.

They think that we are all stupid, that if they call it a challenge that we'll just sit there, we don't know whether to like scratch our watch or wind our ass, we'll just sit there and nod and act like that what they're saying is true and then you're going to have the media will pick up the language that the Democrats are using and all is well and good while children are suffering at the border or at Fort Lee in Virginia potentially.

WATTERS: Gillian, I want to play some sound of a border sheriff pretty upset about the fact that they dropped wall construction and then the cartels can funnel right through. Listen.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

MARK DANNELS, SHERIFF, COCHISE COUNTY, ARIZONA: When President Biden rescinded the emergency order on the southwest border it stopped resources and stopped construction on our border. As a result of that, one area where the fence is not complete, we get five or six groups a day coming across there. It opened up the border, it opened it up the mass (Inaudible) to come in this country.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

WATTERS: And that's just common sense, right?

GILLIAN TURNER, FOX NEWS CORRESPONDENT: Well, certainly pausing or if not halting forever construction on that southern border wall was one of the first things President Biden did in the White House when upon becoming president.

What I don't understand here, though, Jesse, is that every four years the U.S. government has this like spate of collective amnesia where they have to wipe everything that came before, pretend they are starting from scratch on the immigration issue and that they've got to come up with this entire new slate of policies to solve these really big, intractable problems.

But the reality is that the vast majority of Americans have held very consistent views on the immigration issue for many years, upwards of a decade in poll after poll after poll from Republicans, Democrats and everything in between, about 70 percent of the American people want stricter enforcement of the existing immigration laws, the laws that are on the books, coupled with some kind of a pathway to legal citizenship, or a process for pursuing legal citizenship for would-be immigrants to this country.

I will say that what we are seeing now, this fight over emergency versus crisis versus challenge versus obstacle is just political theater, I don't think anything we are talking about now really matters. One of the -- somebody who did have a smart new proposal that I've seen in this go around of the same old argument on the merry-go-round is Senator Romney who said one thing we are not doing that we really need to be doing is focusing more on domestic issues and focusing on businesses.

He proposed this idea that businesses who want to employ undocumented immigrants have to have a special visa in order to do so. That would solve a lot more problems than haggling over every additional half mile of the border wall.

WATTERS: Yes, I don't have a problem with seasonal workers coming in and doing that kind of labor, but it's just the flow right now is unsustainable, Juan, and they are predicting it's going to get even worse in the next three to four months. What's Biden going to do about it?

JUAN WILLIAMS, FOX NEWS HOST & POLITICAL ANALYST: You know, I think that we should look at it in terms of what Gillian was just saying as something that comes, you know, it doesn't matter who is in office, Republican or Democrat. It's the busiest border in the world, we get surges, we have some problems, this problem, it could be a commerce problem, an immigration problem.

Of course, we have the whole issue of who we grant amnesty to in terms of, you know, crises down in the south, south of the border. But again, the whole thing should be Congress acting, Congress should act. So, you know, Gillian was saying hey, you know, the American people, Republican and Democrat, they say hey, look, we want border security but we also want a pathway to citizenship, especially when dealing with the young people, the DREAMers.

You know, in 2013, we came close to comprehensive immigration reform on a bipartisan basis. I think we got to 63 votes in the Senate, it passed in the House. Today we are farther away from any compromise because we are so politically polarized.

And you know, just listening I said, people use this immigration issue to demonize the other side and say the other side, you know, Biden doesn't want to let people in, Biden is the one guy, as I said to you sometime this week, who stood on a Democratic primary stage and said he was not for decriminalizing illegal crossings of the border.

So, keep that in mind, that Joe Biden is trying to work on this problem --

(CROSSTALK)

WATTERS: He stood on the same stage and said he is for giving illegal immigrants free health care too.

WILLIAMS: No. Look, OK, I'll tell you what, I'm just saying to you, using your voice, Jesse, my voice across partisan lines, we should be saying to the Congress --

WATTERS: Yes.

WILLIAMS: -- let's solve this problem. Let's have some compromise. Republicans want to focus on border security, Democrats want to focus on resolving the issues for not separating families and for people who are here including the DREAMers, that's the basis for a deal. Stop with the cheap rhetoric.

GUTFELD: Look, I've got to respond here because whenever there is a push for comprehensive immigration reform, the word comprehensive is only, only really the new word for amnesty. The people on the right actually are willing --

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS: No, it's not.

GUTFELD: Let me finish. The right are always willing to compromise and listen because all they want is a process, something that isn't a free-for- all. That's what Republicans like. The Dems never consider people who abide by the law. When it comes to guns you guys target the lawful. When it comes to student loans you don't care about the people that actually pay their loans.

And for those who immigrate lawfully and do it the right way, too bad. Too bad! Just go to the border.

WILLIAMS: No.

GUTFELD: If you actually respected process, we might trust you. But you don't, because as Dagen says, you keep changing the language. You'll crap on a dish and tell us it's a brownie.

WILLIAMS: That's not true. It's not the case. It's not the case, Greg.

WATTERS: All right. We got to go.

WILLIAMS: I mean, obviously, you know a large percentage of this comes from visa overstays and the like.

WATTERS: We got to go.

WILLIAMS: Commerce. We have to work on this issue sincerely.

GUTFELD: There is no we when it comes to Democrats.

WATTERS: All right.

GUTFELD: That's what I'm saying.

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS: No. When it comes to Republicans?

WATTERS: Don't trust the Congress, Juan.

WILLIAMS: Come on.

GUTFELD: Republicans --

WILLIAMS: They use Congress.

WATTERS: We got to go.

GUTFELD: (Inaudible) will do anything.

WATTERS: We got to go. We got to go. Joe composed an immigration deal and it's DOA because they had no border enforcement. So up next, the huge development in the Cuomo cover-up. Top aide edited a report to hide nursing home deaths while he was working on his book praising his pandemic leadership.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

MCDOWELL: More proof the media's one-time messiah Andy Cuomo is actually a steaming dirtbag. While Andy was busy writing this book praising his pandemic leaderships, his top advisors were reportedly busy trying to cover up and hide the real number of nursing home deaths. They did it by leaving out patients who died at hospitals after being infected in those facilities.

And then there is his other scandal, one of the three women accusing Cuomo of sexual harassment is speaking out. Former aide Charlotte Bennett is describing her allegations against the governor.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

CHARLOTTE BENNETT, ANDREW CUOMO'S ACCUSER: He is a textbook abuser. He lets his temper and his anger rule the office, but he was very sweet to me for a year and they hope that maybe one day when he came onto me, I would think we were friends or that it was appropriate or that it was OK.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

MCDOWELL: Greg, he is still hanging on.

GUTFELD: It's amazing. It's all -- it's amazing that the cover-up was all about this book. It's like they didn't want the dead to interfere with his successful book launch. That's like imagining like May 1912, hey, guys, we are doing a book on the captain of the Titanic but don't mention the incident with the iceberg, it will be really -- it will make him really unhappy.

And again, what he really should have been apologizing over and over and over again is the mountain of dead, not the sexual harassment, he should be apologizing for that too, but it's like -- it's like apologizing for using foul language while you're mugging senior citizens.

And last, where are the Cuomo sexuals? Where are the Cuomo -- where is Jimmy Fallon and Chelsea Handler, the slobbering celebrities that just -- that turned him into a sexual icon? Aren't they somewhat guilty and shouldn't they get tested?

MCDOWELL: Yes, they should. Juan, why isn't somebody down in D.C. on a ring a ding-ding telling Cuomo to get the hell out of the way?

WILLIAMS: I don't think that's anybody's call to make but Cuomo's. You know, it's interesting, Democrats are highly critical of Cuomo and if you follow even the liberal media, I specifically would point you to at New York Times, they are aggressively, aggressively, Dagen, going after Cuomo not only on the sexual-harassment front but as you saw on this morning's front page, going after him on the nursing home deaths cover up of the numbers.

I think you're going to see more of that. I think you are going to see the attorney general investigation both on the numbers and on the sexual- harassment, so it's not going to be any shortage of that that. And I might say Republican or Democrat, you know, be honest about the healthcare of our country, about COVID.

Right now, there are calls for Governor DeSantis down in Florida to be investigated for apparently allowing areas with wealthy donor's early access to the vaccine. And of course, he had trouble with his own numbers. He fired the aide in charge of the dash board --

(CROSSTALK)

MCDOWELL: Can we stay on Cuomo? Can we stay on Cuomo?

WILLIAMS: -- of numbers. Yes. I'm just telling you, you asked about as if it's just one side. I'm just telling you this kind of behavior is not good. I don't care if you are a Republican or Democrat. And I would condemn it all.

MCDOWELL: Well, let me --

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS: I would say that it's a bad -- it was bad policy on the nursing homes and that's distinct from, you know, the bullying behavior that he engages in, not only with women but apparently with other Democrats.

MCDOWELL: Yes. He has his --

(CROSSTALK)

WILLIAMS: That's why I think you see so many Democrats calling for his scalp (Ph).

MCDOWELL: On that note, Cuomo had his goons calling the grieving families the death cult. He had his grieving -- his goons going after Janice Dean and other people who had lost relatives in nursing homes.

Jesse, before we like, applaud the mainstream media and the Democrats, we knew he was covering up the number of people who died in those nursing homes because of his order. They died because of his hand. They were covering up those numbers. We knew starting last May that it was happening. So where were all of these people standing up for grieving loved ones and standing up for the dead? They were nowheresville.

WATTERS: Yes. It's too little, too late for the times. And Juan, leave DeSantis out of this. Cuomo signed a death warrant for these nursing homes and then doctored the evidence for profit for a $700,000 book advance. That's what he did. That's what he did. He did this for money.

WILLIAMS: Come on.

WATTERS: He hid the body count for money then wrote a book about how he aced the pandemic. That's like O.J. writing a book on the Me Too movement. No, juice, you're not the guy.

Speaking of the Me Too movement, does this guy have any idea of what he's talking about? He says he never touched anybody inappropriately? On the same day there is a picture of him in the post like a sexual Frankenstein grabbing some poor woman's face. Where in the world is that an appropriate greeting for a stranger?

Even Vladimir Putin is thinking like this guy went a little too far. And here's where the difference is, Juan. This woman alleged victim went on network television this morning, she went on CBS. CBC News doesn't usually put on victims of Democrats. This had to go to the CBS president's desk. He made the call to sign on this.

And Debra Katz, the same attorney that represented Christine Blasey Ford is now repping (Ph) one of these alleged victims. She is pretty high-power in Democrat circles. You have the whole Democrat establishment now turning against this guy. The next couple weeks are going to be brutal.

MCDOWELL: Gillian, I am not diminishing the claims of these women but if Cuomo is going to go down, it should be at least in part because of the 15,000 elderly people he had a hand in killing and the fact that he covered it up to burnish his image and sell a book.

TURNER: Yes, it would be a tragedy to miss out on the forest for the trees, so that expression goes. But Dagen, I still think we are missing a really important point of the story about the sexual harassment allegations. I don't mean us in this panel.

I mean, the media in general. Which is, there is the question of how perpetrators respond to accusations of sexual assault, sexual harassment but then there is also how the workplace responds to these accusations.

And according to the testimony to the Times of Charlette Bennett, that was the second woman to come forward, she told the office, she told Cuomo's chief of staff that he had sexually harassed her in the workplace and the response there was to buy her silence by giving her a huge promotion.

They made her -- she went from being an executive assistant in an administrative position to being a health policy advisor, which is a substantive position. The excuse they gave for that it moved her to a different building, a different -- it created some physical separation between her and the governor, which of course is necessary.

But we have to have the conversation about, is this the way to handle and respond to young women with real, potentially legitimate claims of sexual harassment, maybe even sexual assault? Is buying their silence by giving them increased responsibilities and bigger job titles and pay raises a precedent we want to set in this country?

MCDOWELL: Well, it was how the untouchable man of power and privilege Cuomo handled it now. I've called him every name in the book, the only one I'm waiting for is former governor.

Ahead, the hypocritical places liberals will go. eBay bands the sale of Dr. Seuss books but you can still buy Hitler's "Mein Kampf."

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

WILLIAMS: Critics say cancel culture is getting out of control and getting more ammunition for their claims. eBay stopping the resale of six Dr. Seuss books that were pulled earlier this week over offensive imagery, but you can still buy Hitler's "Mein Kampf," the Unibomber's manifesto and books by people like Louis Farrakhan on the site.

And Amazon under fire for banning books and is being accused of censorship as will for removing documentaries such as one on conservative Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas.

Dagen, I'm glad you're here because I want to have an adult conversation about the cancel culture, we have been talking about it all week. And it just occurs to me, what would Dagen say if we had, you know, a Charlie Chan movie and we said, you know what, we are not going to put that on the air. Would that be cancel culture?

MCDOWELL: Yes, it would be. Any kind of like trying to wipe -- you know, these things that were made or created years ago, yes, they are clearly offensive to people in this day and age but they are still historic artifacts. And if we wipe away that history, then we are doomed to repeat it. We need to see where we've come from, where we are right now and where we are going in the future.

And quite frankly, I don't understand with eBay, like, this left-wing bozo bubble that they're in who was sitting around a table and says, banning books, double thumbs up. That's never ended, ended well in history. And now we are talking about you can buy Third Reich coins on eBay with a swastika on them in some Hitler stance. So, I don't know how that helps their business.

But the real danger, Juan, is what I call the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Its Amazon, Apple, Google, and Facebook, because they control 90 percent of the internet activity. They know way more about us than the government does. And when did they decide to start banning people, destroying people's businesses if you bought a MAGA T-shirt? It could happen, and it's sooner than you think.

WILLIAMS: So Gillian, and I was thinking, you know, something like Birth of a Nation. I mean, that movie celebrated the Klan years ago. But people -- I think Americans evolve and we understand. We don't -- we don't like belittling people. You know, we don't make fun of Irish or Italian or whatever.

But I mean, isn't it appropriate that we would evolve and say some things are not appropriate by 2021 standards?

TURNER: Well, you would think one of those things would be the mind calm, which is apparently so readily available for distribution wherever you want to order it around the world. But I will say, Juan, there's something deeply problematic to me about Amazon banning the sale of certain books as compared to say, publishers because publishers no longer sadly rival Amazon when it comes to exposure, and book sales.

Amazon, in terms of book sales, has outpaced all of America's major publishing houses combined every year over the last few years. When Amazon decides to ban a book that's already in print, they're helping to shape the national discourse surrounding this material. They're helping shape public awareness.

To me, there's an element here to which we're entering new dangerous territories with Amazon and eBay, the resellers coming in and making these decisions even more so than the individual publishing houses.

WILLIAMS: All right, so Greg, what should the rules be? You know, because I think -- you know, I wonder, like, do you think it matters if people say they are offended by the content, you know, something -- you know, go back to the 50s, Amos 'n' Andy and the like, and you just don't see that stuff? I mentioned Charlie Chen earlier. You just don't see it on the air. So, what should the rules of the road be?

GUTFELD: That just shows that adults can handle this without actually getting rid of something. Again, this is Big Brother, not by government. It's Big Brother by private companies. And we have to understand, as Dagen said, there is no public option to Facebook or Google or Amazon. They control. They're the conduits.

There's -- six years ago, we were debating government surveillance in the age of the Snowden story. And somebody said something unbelievably wrong. It could have been me. I don't remember. But I -- but that person said, if you're not doing anything wrong, why should you be worried about surveillance? And that is now the defense of canceled culture. You shouldn't worry about being canceled if you're not doing anything offensive.

But the problem is who's deciding what is offensive and what needs to be canceled? The people deeming the standards for offense often lack the experience or wisdom of an adult who's led a real life. A lot of this is coming from young people who just got out of college who don't even understand what the First Amendment is, don't understand free speech.

It's up to the adults in the room, the people that have been on this planet a long time, to tell you. You know what, offensive things will exist and some of the stuff might hurt your feelings. But you know what, it's there. So, you can decide, and then you can talk about it, and you can write about it. But banning things only makes it more interesting. It only makes it more interesting.

TURNER: And you would know because you've been on the planet a really long time, Greg.

GUTFELD: That's true. That's true. I'm almost 30.

WILLIAMS: I thought you were talking to me, Gillian. Let's talk to someone who's been on the planet a good -- a good while. Jesse, what would you do? You know, because I've been just trying to explore this, elevate the conversation and say, what is it that could be the case?

I know, for example, I went to see Merchant of Venice on Broadway. They had a discussion about, you know, stereotypical depiction of Jewish people. But the play was there. Is that appropriate? Is that the way to handle this?

WATTERS: I like how you went to me to elevate the conversation, Juan.

GUTFELD: Yes. He's trying to elevate it because we're all Neanderthals. Were really stupid here. Thanks, Juan.

WILLIAMS: No. I said that about Dagen too. Gosh.

MCDOWELL: I'm the least adult person on this panel, but thank you.

WILLIAMS: Yes, thank you.

WATTERS: Juan, when I see stories like this one, I feel like I went to a palm reader and the palm reader looked at my hand and then looked at me and said, "WATTERS' WORLD" is on borrowed time. Juan, the mob is going from the 50s to the 60s to the 70s. Do you remember what I was doing on the streets in the 2000s? The whole "WATTERS WORLD" catalog is cancelable by today's standards. And I'm going to have Johnny start scrubbing the internet.

Greg is laughing, but Greg, have you ever seen Red Eye? I mean, you're next, bro.

GUTFELD: Oh, I know.

WATTERS: We need -- we need to share the risk here. We need to -- we need to pre apologize or do something because we could be in some serious trouble.

TURNER: Don't we have any tape we could be rolling on now?

WATTERS: And everyone else on the show, you guys are complicit because you guys didn't speak out.

TURNER: I just wish there was tape that we could roll right now.

WILLIAMS: Oh, look at that.

TURNER: I mean, maybe there's an archive somewhere.

WILLIAMS: All right, all right.

WATTERS: There's no archive. It doesn't exist.

WILLIAMS: Well, thank you all for having -- well, thank you all for elevating the conversation. "THE FASTEST" up next for you on THE FIVE.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

TURNER: Welcome back. It's time for "THE FASTEST." All right, so first up, technology is pretty cool, but if you've ever logged on to Twitter, you know that people can be mighty creepy. Just ask this guy pretending to be Tom Cruise.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: I'm going to show you some magic. It's the real thing.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

TURNER: Well, Deep Fake videos like this had been watched by millions of people over the last couple of weeks on TikTok. And you can see why experts are warning this could get very dangerous. Greg, tell us how this could become dangerous.

GUTFELD: Well, you don't want a Deep Fake of me because God knows what that'll do to the -- to America. Look, imagine a Deep Fake where a world -- where a world leader is assassinated. This would be something ideal for foreign adversaries to create a total unrest. So, you don't need you the -- you actually don't need bodies for war anymore. You can just have some really smart geeks.

So, what we need are incredibly harsh penalties for anyone who creates Deep Fakes to harm a person. If you actually do something to destroy somebody's life, it should be the death penalty. If you do a Deep Fake that like shows Jesse committing murder, and he goes away to prison, you should get the death penalty.

TURNER: Juan, should Jesse go to prison?

GUTFELD: Yes.

WATTERS: Don't ask Juan.

WILLIAMS: Absolutely not. We'll have to -- we'll have to get fun.

WATTERS: I'm the one guy Juan wants to lock up.

WILLIAMS: That's not true.

TURNER: The most --

WILLIAMS: I would lead the fun to get you out, Jesse. We'd be -- we'd be character witnesses.

TURNER: Oh, see, that was so nice.

WILLIAMS: But I think this is more evidence --

(CROSSTALK)

WATTERS: (INAUDIBLE)

TURNER: That was so nice.

WILLIAMS: Yes. I think that -- I think this Tom Cruise fake is just evidence you can't believe your lying eyes anymore with the internet. I mean, we know they have scams for money and dating and everything else. But now it's just like, you know what, you really have to use your critical thinking and critical seeing because these people will fool you.

Greg is right. You know, I mean, this could be serious stuff. You -- there are people out there who probably still think that's Tom Cruise.

GUTFELD: I think it's -- I think it's him.

TURNER: I think it's him too. It's also not -- Jesse, it's far from the creepiest thing Tom Cruise has ever done. I mean, he is the last guy you need to make stuff up about. Remember him on the couch with Oprah?

WATTERS: I do. I do. He was in love, Gillian. It was overwhelming.

TURNER: We forgive him.

WATTERS: I like these videos because these videos give me an out. Say, someone takes video of me hugging Alex Jones without a mask and he's wearing a Stop the Steal T-shirt. Hey, it might not have been me. That might have been a Deep Fake. That buys me time and raises a reasonable doubt in people's minds. And I think that's a good thing. You got to look at it selfishly.

GUTFELD: That's good.

TURNER: Plausible deniability.

GUTFELD: He's right.

WATTERS: Yes.

TURNER: So, Dagen, do you think that Jesse should be in prison?

MCDOWELL: Never. He couldn't be here.

WATTERS: Thank you.

MCDOWELL: Actually, you could do the show from prison I suppose.

TURNER: You could. During COVID, you could.

MCDOWELL: I like fake Tom Cruise better than real Tom Cruise. You don't see fake Tom Cruise yelling at people. I don't ever want to see it again ever. And fake Tom Cruise probably would not have made eyes wide crap.

TURNER: Oh, that's good. All right, let's move on to our next topic. I want to get one more in. If your pooch has been packing on the pounds, you should blame COVID because just like people, the pandemic is taking a toll on America's pets. The main culprit, according to studies, is humans working from home and sharing their snacks.

Dagen, I'm going to bounce back to you because America wants to know how they'll stay so fit.

MCDOWELL: Dale and Charlie, they walk two hours a day and they eat a very - -

TURNER: Charlie is a little fluffy.

MCDOWELL: He's fluffy, he's not fat. They eat a very strict diet. They walk two hours a day. And actually, they shame me. They were giving me the stink eye when they saw me last night eating a half-price Valentine's Day candy from the drugstore across the street. I'm the one that's fat.

TURNER: Jesse -- oh, stop. Jesse, how much weight has your dog gained during the pandemic?

WATTERS: Rookie put on the pandemic 15. And we had to put him on the Atkins diet. So, Rookie eats like Gutfeld. He has ribs and he has steak and he looks quite trim now.

TURNER: Oh, good for him. Juan, do you have any dogs in your family? I don't even know.

WILLIAMS: Not in my house, but in my family. But I must say, I think in the last year with the pandemic, dogs are getting more exercise out for more walks because their owners are home. So, maybe they're getting more food but you know the animal kingdom in general, less pollution, fewer cars on the road. I think it's been a good time for the animals.

TURNER: Greg, what's your advice for dogs?

GUTFELD: Well, you know what, I think a fat dog is easier to take care of. I mean -- right? Less energy, you don't have to walk him as much. But I'm very suspicious of anybody who's deliberately trying to fatten up their dog.

TURNER: Why?

GUTFELD: Just think about it.

TURNER: It makes them cuter. I love a good fat dog. All right, we got to leave there.

GUTFELD: Or you do you love to taste of a good fat dog?

TURNER: That was really gross, really gross.

GUTFELD: That was my point. People fattening dogs, it could be a conspiracy.

TURNER: All right, we got to leave it there, but "FAN MAIL FRIDAY" is up next so stick with us.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: I love the Beatles. It's "FAN MAIL FRIDAY." We're answering your questions. This is from Robin S. I believe that she's referring to the dreams you have at night. She asks, what are most of your dreams about? I think this is an interesting question. Dagen, what are most of your dreams about?

MCDOWELL: Work and having -- and being late and having no makeup on?

GUTFELD: You know what? That's -- I dream of not having my notes and they change the subjects at the last minute, Gillian, and I show up and I'm not prepared. How about you?

TURNER: High School. I'm either need -- I think I'm supposed to graduate and then I found out I'm missing some credits --

GUTFELD: Yes.

TURNER: -- or I'm trying to study for an exam and I can't. There's like stuff going, I just can't get it done.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TURNER: It's all traumatic high school dreams for me.

GUTFELD: It's like I forgot a year of college and I have to go back.

TURNER: Go back.

GUTFELD: Yes. And I'm -- and I'm like, in my early 40s, like now, but I have to go back. It's -- Juan, what are persistent dreams for you?

WILLIAMS: By the way, by, you know, all of you are talking about dreams that are in textbooks as the dreams of high achievers. I mean, this is what -- I have them, you have. The other one for me, though, is chase. I'm always being chased or, you know, dropping off a tower, building, or something. You know, I mean, the whole idea is trying to deal with all my anxieties.

TURNER: That's terrible.

GUTFELD: That's caused by THE FIVE. You're constantly trying to escape us. What about you, Jesse? And besides dreaming about yourself, what is it that you dream about?

WATTERS: No. It's same with you guys, man. I am like, last semester, senior year. I do not have the right credits. I did not take the right classes. I have to make up for something somehow, and it's not coming together. And it's the same dream every time.

TURNER: Terrible.

GUTFELD: There is -- I'm telling you, there's a solution for this. It's called melatonin. It makes you -- it makes your dreams lucid. So, when you're in that dream, you can actually control it. Melatonin is the scariest drug when you're asleep. All right, we have one -- time for a real quick one, right? Quick, quick. Who would you like to see as the new host of Jeopardy? Jesse. That was my suggestion, Jesse.

WATTERS: I haven't watched -- yes, you know, I'm good at quiz things. It's like I can pretend to be smart --

GUTFELD: Yes.

WATTERS: -- but I know all the answers beforehand.

TURNER: You have the answers.

WATTERS: So, yes, I nominate myself.

GUTFELD: Gillian, would you like to see?

TURNER: I've been watching it lately. And actually, I don't know his name, but the executive producer is filling in because people couldn't get to California or whatever. And he's really good. I like him. I vote for him, whatever his name is.

GUTFELD: There you go. What about you, Juan. Who do you think?

WILLIAMS: Well, I've seen that new guy. You know, I just missed the old guy. That's all. I just miss Trebek. That's all.

GUTFELD: Hologram.

WILLIAMS: What did you say?

GUTFELD: A hologram. You could hold -- that a thing, like they did with Michael Jackson.

WILLIAMS: Oh, a hologram. Yes, yes. Well, you know, I mean, I was thinking out of the box. You could bring in like celebrity people like -- you know, let's say you brought in Mike Tyson. Would that be different? That would be unexpected.

TURNER: No.

WATTERS: No, not good.

GUTFELD: Yes, that would be very unexpected. Dagen?

WATTERS: Not good.

MCDOWELL: Dave Chappelle.

GUTFELD: That's good.

MCDOWELL: Or Kanye. Kanye. Kanye needs work.

GUTFELD: I would -- I'm only going to say who shouldn't --

WATTERS: That's too outside of the box.

GUTFELD: Who should not be hosts? Who should be hosts? Ken Jennings should not be host, right?

MCDOWELL: Yes.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MCDOWELL: Yes.

GUTFELD: "ONE MORE THING" is up next.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

WATTERS: It's time now for "ONE MORE THING." Mr. Greg Gutfeld.

GUTFELD: I have a show tomorrow and it's going to be awesome. Tomorrow night 10:00 p.m., brand new, some lady named Emily Compagno -- I don't know who she is -- the great comedian Michael Loftus and the wonderful Kat Timpf and of course Tyrus. It is going to be our barn burner, and I mean that metaphorically. We will not be setting fire to any barns. 10:00 p.m.

GUTFELD: That's all you got?

TURNER: That's it?

GUTFELD: That's it.

TURNER: What?

WATTERS: No stupid animal things or anything.

GUTFELD: No, I decided to --

WATTERS: OK, good. Thank God.

GUTFELD: Because we -- I was trying to save time.

TURNER: We all want our money back.

WATTERS: Good. Good. Yes, yes, we don't need it. Anyway, pay attention to me. I have an announcement. It is a National Employee Appreciation Day. So, I just want to say how much I appreciate Johnny and Scott Sanders, my new producer, who's all working very hard to make me look so good. And they work really hard.

GUTFELD: Not hard enough.

WATTERS: Also, "WATTERS' WORLD" 8:00 Eastern Saturday night. We have all of the six banned Dr. Seuss books.

GUTFELD: Oh, great.

WATTERS: We got our hands on them. We're going to show you the exact illustrations that are driving people so crazy and if they really are offensive. So, tune in to that, and then later watch Jeanine and Greg. Gillian, you're up.

TURNER: Save some of those books for me. I'm going to need them because I have some very exciting and terrifying personal news, which is that in case you can't tell from my chubby face, I'm going to be a mom for the first time. I'm very excited. Thank you. Thank you.

WATTERS: Congratulations.

TURNER: My husband and I are expecting a baby girl. She's due in July. I hope she's as pretty --

WATTERS: Oh, that's great.

TURNER: Oh, there's my husband and I with the booties, our first baby gift that we got, very cute. I could have used a better filter on that photo. But we're very excited. One of us is very chunky. And we hope she is pretty smart as all of you guys. Oh, there's my husband with our firstborn. Our first children, Olivia and Connor. They're going to be brothers and sisters.

WATTERS: Very cute. Well, congratulations.

TURNER: Thanks, guys.

WATTERS: That's really sweet.

WILLIAMS: Yes.

WATTERS: Very sweet. All right, Juan, go ahead.

WILLIAMS: Yes. I think your parents -- your parents are going to be very happy.

TURNER: Yes.

WILLIAMS: I was just saying to Gillian, her parents are going to be happy to be grandparents.

TURNER: Very happy, their first.

WILLIAMS: Hey, look, at after a year of living through this pandemic, I bet you want to scream, right? Well, great. Take a look at a new device that can quickly test you for Coronavirus. Instead of having your nose swab, you just go into an airlock, cabin and scream. If you have the virus, the machine can detect it from the particles spray coming out of your mouth while you shout, sing.

A Dutch entrepreneur is trying it in airports and offices --

TURNER: That's gross.

WILLIAMS: -- but still in the early stages of testing.

WATTERS: They should put those down at the border.

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