'Gutfeld!' on Biden-Putin summit fallout, Victoria's Secret launching 'diverse' podcast

This is a rush transcript from "Gutfeld!," June 17, 2021. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

ALLISON LANGDON, NINE NETWORK HOST: Rockets everywhere this morning. Well, outdoing his fellow billionaires in the race to space. Amazon boss Jeff Bezos will blast into orbit next month.

KARL STEFANOVIC, NINE NETWORK HOST: You know what they call that?

LANGDON: A rocket.

STEFANOVIC: They call it Blue Origin. Does that look a little odd to you, or is that just me?

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS HOST: I don't know what they're talking about or why I'm holding this banana. Oh, man. Another day, another wedding proposal. This time in Kansas City. Can you see that? I hope he doesn't think I'm going to live there. A stranger pleads for my hand in matrimony. But by the looks of him, he just might want the hand and nothing else. This is now the second request by the same suitor, and still no way to contact him.

If you don't want to contact me directly, then have your parole officer D.M. me. But it's good to know I lead late night talk show hosts in marriage proposals from anonymous men at baseball games. It's like my mother used to say, you don't attract bees with vinegar. So there was no excuse for feeding as bees and vinegar. It's kind of like the summit between our president and Vlad Putin. Or Vlad. How's that for a transition?

Caitlyn Jenner is like, nice. Speaking of she's doing the show next week, she confirmed. Yes. Which is great because I haven't seen her since we took that dance class.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Oh, yes. That was my call. Back to that summit. Putin remained as cool as Fonzie locked in a walk in freezer. Joe was as defensive as me when my wife finds me googling leather headgear. Joe was anything accomplished. Joe making it through the whole trip without breaking his hip on a staircase is something we can all be proud of. But this is the same reset routine that impresses no one but a fan-girling media.

It's fun for them, they get to fly to Geneva, mix Ambien with vodka on the plane and wake up at a time zone with their pants on their heads. Shout out to Acosta. Let's talk about the dumbest thing a president has ever done since FDR tried to jump the White House pool. Yesterday, Joe Biden told us what he said to Putin about cyberattacks. It's amazing.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

JOE BIDEN, PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: I talked about the proposition that certain critical infrastructure should be off limits to attack, period. By cyber any other means I gave them a list. 16 specific entities. 16 defined as critical infrastructure under U.S. policy. From the energy sector to our water systems.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: I am dumbstruck. So dumbstruck, in fact that I believe I could now host The View in play all five parts. He acts like this is an achievement. He tells Putin what's off limits for attack. Does that suggest that everything not on that list are on limits? Putin has the perfect defense if he wants to hack SpaceX. All right. Sorry, it wasn't on the list. Now I went through this list because like Miley Cyrus has asked, it's available for everyone to see.

It's on the CISA Web site. So we can all reference it. And there's a lot there that Joe didn't put in there like say Fox News, or my duplex in Damascus. But don't we all see how weird this is to give your adversary boundaries? Like he's your dominatrix? Spank me but no tickling? It's like a mobster who's about to be whacked but asked his killers. No, please not in the face, which guarantees himself a closed casket.

Asking bullies nicely doesn't even work against Chrissy Teigen. If Joe were any more naive, he'd be sending a plane full of cash to Iran. I wonder how the angry white male sees this.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TOM SHILLUE, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: I guess that makes sense. You make a list. As for what you want. My wife does that with me. See? Milk, eggs, lightbulbs. Done. Yes. You want to got to do something. You make a list he'll stick to it. Then again, I'm not an evil dictator.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: That list is like leaving a note on your front door as you leave for vacation. Robbers, if you think of breaking in please do not target the safe behind the painting in the living room, or the wife's diamonds in the bedroom dresser. And most important, do not check the red container in the basement. That's where we keep Walt Disney's head. Biden's list is as effective as a drug use is prohibited sign at Charlie Sheen's house.

How can you be so clueless to give a world leader a list of our vulnerabilities? Put is the president of Russia. He's not your shrink. Now I get it. The list is generic and obvious. So is Applebee's menu but I'm still going to try a few things. There's this mention of dams. Who knew you could hack a dam? But now we all do. Thanks, Joe. And you thought of making this list in the first place? Could you imagine the brainstorming meeting?

Hey, the boss asked us to come up with demands for Putin. Well, I got an idea. They've been launching cyberattacks. Why don't we give them a list of stuff not to cyberattack? That should solve the problem. Yes, great idea, Pat. And here we thought hires for the sake of diversity were worthless. And what did they expect Putin's response? Oh, thank you so much. This is a much better gift than that stupid reset button.

I'm going to have to rethink our plan to attack these places. The Biden staff think this would start a negotiation. Prison Putin. Here are the 16 places we'd like you not to target. Oh, thank you, President Biden. We'll back off on the post office. They seem capable of in competence on their own. But we'd still like to target the energy sector, the chemical and critical manufacturing. Well, OK, Mr. Putin. That's progress.

So we've gone from Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall to please Mr. Putin, don't attack this firewall. Look, I'm no presidential historian. I collect toes from drifters. But -- I don't know if I should have confessed that but we know Biden's weak in Putin's not. We also know that Putin is blessed with always being in charge while we change leaders every four to eight years. He's Bill Belichick and we are the New York Jets changing head coaches constantly.

See? I know baseball, Kat. So it's always us who has to deal with him and he gets to sit back and grin at the new guy. And he's correctly thinking why buy the cow if you can get the pipeline for free? So why make it so easy, you can clap for blood. Biden comes off as human resources telling Putin the boss to stop flirting openly with China. All the while our media swoons over Biden, it makes me wonder how is CNN covering the summit outcome.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: You see Biden's performance? It was like Jordan, Brady and Gretzky but like way better.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: It was like Abraham Lincoln being lifted up by a choir of angels. Except way, way, way so much better.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: And Putin, I mean, will he ever be able to ride a horse again?

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: (INAUDIBLE) to think of the word horse.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: And then did you see when you put a shades on at the end? It was like Maverick and Iceman were having sex right in front of us.

UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: So hot.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: It was.

GUTFELD: So Putin and got to pipelines, some fancy sunglasses and a to-do list for a cyber army and we came home empty handed. Poor Joe. He didn't even get to sniff anyone's hair. Maybe next time.

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Period.

GUTFELD: Let's welcome tonight's guest. She's so Southern. She watches her pickup truck with gravy. Fox Business Network Anchor, Dagen McDowell. He's the senior editor who looks like a senior in high school. Reason associate editor, Robbie Soave. They say dress for the job you want so he must want to be a bookie. Fox News Radio host, Jimmy Failla. And her mood swings like the price of bitcoin. Fox News Contributor, Kat Timpf.

So Dagen, first I want to thank you for being on the show. You were -- you filled in at the very last minute guest. She claimed that she had a book to write. She couldn't make it because she had a book.

DAGEN MCDOWELL, FOX BUSINESS NETWORK ANCHOR: Yes. The guy used explosive diarrhea as an excuse.

GUTFELD: Yes. If you get a lie, come up with a good lie that's impenetrable. Like I have a serious illness in the family or explosive diarrhea.

MCDOWELL: Yes.

GUTFELD: But I saying, I got a book to write. We all write books. I have five bestsellers. And I'm still here, lady. All right, I'm going to shut up now. Out of my system, I'm never going to tell you who that person is. Ainslie. I'm joking. So what did you think of Biden's list?

MCDOWELL: I thought it was absolutely absurd. But there was part of the summit that I did love. Is when he popped off on that CNN reporter because we get a little sliver, a little glimpse and the way that his mind works.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MCDOWELL: So I want that Biden. Like that was what was great about President Trump, he was so unpredictable when dealing with these evil tyrants, right? So I want to see the Joe Biden who goes -- to call somebody a lion dull face.

GUTFELD: Me too.

MCDOWELL: Phony soldier. So he -- because who knows what he's capable of? He's got to nuclear football. So he would be, waiter, I said mango lemonade, I don't need Ernie. What are you looking at?

GUTFELD: Now you know what you're talking about? You're talking about Joe Biden, if he doesn't have a nap or a snack.

MCDOWELL: Right. Hungry.

GUTFELD: That's what they got to do. They got to keep that away from the old guy. And he's going to flip out Robbie. That list sounded like something you -- like you give someone who's taking care of your dog while you're away for the week.

ROBBY SOAVE, REASON ASSOCIATE EDITOR: Yes.

GUTFELD: You know, that's not Putin.

SOABE: it reminded me of the -- like Saddam Hussein thing, right? Well, you can look anywhere in my country for nuclear weapons, but not one of my 100 palaces, please. So yes, but -- I'll be -- also I think, it doesn't matter because Putin's not going to do whatever.

GUTFELD: Right.

SOABE: What can we do? What can Biden or anyone else do? He's going to whatever he wants, and he doesn't care?

GUTFELD: Yes.

SOABE: That's a problem for our foreign policy, right? We can't get this man to play ball no matter what.

GUTFELD: Yes. So why do we do this when we know it's this theater? Why don't we bother? Why don't we just send a nice e-mail? Get Lori Lightfoot to write an e-mail. That's all.

SOABE: Then what would the media have to celebrate?

GUTFELD: Exactly.

SOABE: There have no plane rides.

GUTFELD: No plane rides to Geneva, no prescriptions for Ambien and reverse Ambien? You know what I mean. Jimmy, good to see you. Found a jacket off a dead drifter.

JIMMY FAILLA, FOX NEWS RADIO HOST: Again. This is actually my oldest guy in the boy band look. They want to fire me but they can't because I'm the only one with an ID to get beer.

GUTFELD: Yes.

FAILLA: So they have to keep me around.

GUTFELD: Yes. You're like to transient on the block. Like new kid on the block.

FAILLA: The new transient on the block.

GUTFELD: Yes.

FAILLA: You know who -- a couple of observations. The guy I feel the worst for in this whole summit is the translator because he's got to take what both men are saying and convert it to English. This is very hard to do.

GUTFELD: Nicely done.

FAILLA: Got Putin and Biden. But this is scary to me. Because you got to think about what we're talking about. We're talking about cyber security.

GUTFELD: Right.

FAILLA: OK? And their side has the former head of the KGB, our side has a guy who's trying to figure out why his VCR is flashing 12:00. I'm scared.

GUTFELD: Yes.

FAILLA: Like I legitimately bothered by this as I know you were and world leaders. This is the problem we're in. The predicament we're in is world leaders don't take their cue from the media. The media tells you, oh, this guy sharp has attack, like the (INAUDIBLE) which was an amazing. CNN video we just played.

GUTFELD: Yes.

FAILLA: But world leaders watch that and died laughing. Like as the bookie on the panel, the odds of them taking Biden seriously ever again are like eight million to one.

GUTFELD: Yes.

FAILLA: Not agree.

GUTFELD: That it's true. You know, Kat, the meeting between Putin and Biden lasted approximately three hours. Almost two hours longer than your honeymoon.

KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: I did my -- I didn't do a honeymoon. I took off one day.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: For my wedding. You're welcome.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: I'll be taking a month off eventually. I think lists in general get far greater of a reputation than they deserve.

GUTFELD: You're right.

TIMPF: From anything.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: Because I forget stuff a lot. Like traveling, God, I forget things. People like just make a list. It's like that works great. Unless you forget to write it on the list.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: I don't even think that the reliable for groceries, for going through the airport. You always forget a cream.

GUTFELD: Yes, you do. You do forget a cream. Oh, is that embarrassing? What if you bring the wrong cream?

TIMPF: Oh, yes.

GUTFELD: Yes. And the TSA guys are going to, whoa, that could be you, right?

MCDOWELL: I bet lists are good. I keep a list of grudges.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MCDOWELL: Going back to second grade.

FAILLA: She does. She does.

GUTFELD: My grudge list grew by one tonight.

MCDOWELL: Yes, you did.

FAILLA: She's never going to let it go.

MCDOWELL: I'm just thinking about hobo toes.

GUTFELD: Hobo toes.

MCDOWELL: Hobo toes.

GUTFELD: That's a new -- that's a new --

FAILLA: It's a good punk band.

GUTFELD: No, it's a new flavor for vitamin water, I believe. And it's not vitamin water. If you know what I mean? You know what? We have to go. I know you had a joke coming to me, but I'm cutting you off. You got to save it. Up next. It's becoming clear the experts we're living in fear.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Follow the science they said while they knowingly misled. A scientist who recently published a letter along with 18 others calling for a closer look into the COVID lab leak theory is now admitting why she and some colleagues didn't speak out sooner. Trump. Meet Alina Chon she's a -- or Chan. She's a genetic engineer who works at MIT and Harvard, which means unlike Jimmy, she can read.

She tells NBC news that she and her colleagues fear discussing the leveling theory thinking that words would be labeled racist. She was more concerned with a potential bogus accusation then, that admitting lacking integrity now. But now they can speak out because they no longer risk aligning with Trump, said Chan. At the time it was scarier to be associated with Trump and to become a tool for racist.

So people didn't want to publicly call for investigation into lab origins. So there you have it, the science changes based on who the media thinks is a racist. Now, when you hear scientists changing tune from a no way on the lab league theory to yes, maybe including guys like Fauci just know it's not scientific. It's purely political, and always has been. Science has become as a political as the phrase men can give birth.

So in other words, if Trump were still president, they'd still be biting their lip pretending to search the planet for a guilty looking pangolin. But I guess it's nice of them to finally admit it a year later in too late. But it's like my 95-year-old uncle used to say, better late than never, he just got it Grindr. Very excited. Very excited, Robby. So, another example of how media narratives are so destructive because media narratives can make the population thinks something is false.

But in this case, they actually controlled the science, that media narrative (BLEEP) got the science.

SOAVE: Right. And these were the people saying all along yet just follow science, follow science, but then they were making all sorts of political decisions regarding what narrative they preferred. But also I just don't agree even with their idea that the lab leak theory is going to -- if you embrace that it's going to lead to anti-Asian racism.

(CROSSTALK)

SOABE: More than the wet market theory.

GUTFELD: Yes.

SOABE: Which if there's one thing that -- and I -- obviously there should be no racism against Asian people, regardless of the truth, but if you're going to pick the one that more impugns a broader cultural Asian tradition, it'd be the wet market. The lab like just impugns a handful scientists and the Chinese government.

GUTFELD: And America because we help --

(CROSSTALK)

SOABE: And we fund it.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: I understand -- I would understand running from lab leak because it implicates us and makes lawsuits harder.

SOABE: Exactly.

GUTFELD: You go for the lab leak, then you could say it's that -- it's Chinese culture or whatnot. But it is you're absolutely right. Here's my question to you, Jimmy, before you launch into one of your one liners. Even -- this is what irks me, even if you buy into the silly concept that Trump's racist for saying kung flu.

SOABE: Yes.

GUTFELD: You can't call yourself a scientist. If you let that belief prevent you from doing science.

SOABE: Yes.

GUTFELD: You should actually -- I don't know how they stripped the site. They should DMD you.

FAILLA: Yes. If there was -- if there is such a thing.

GUTFELD: Yes.

FAILLA: And what's so infuriating about it is that no one can actually show any correlation between people committing hate crimes, and consuming the idea that it's lab leak.

GUTFELD: Right, right.

FAILLA: Like to be clear in New York, OK? We have had some horrific videos.

GUTFELD: Yes.

FAILLA: Where like a homeless guy, legit, who's just out of jail for the 14th time.

GUTFELD: Yes.

FAILLA: Punches an Asian woman. Now it's awful and we all condemn it. But something tells me the painless guy who sleeps in Penn Station isn't watching C-span Coronavirus Health brief.

GUTFELD: You're right.

FAILLA: I'm just going to go out in a limb.

GUTFELD: I think you're right.

FAILLA: The cable reception is pretty lousy in the men's room.

GUTFELD: Yes. CNN should actually interview the people that are attacking these Asian elderly male and females and ask them where the -- where the idea came from.

FAILLA: Yes, they've no idea.

(CROSSTALK)

FAILLA: I'm so sick of this. But this is what they do. There's an old adage in the legal profession if you have the facts you pound the facts, if you have nothing you pound the table. But the Democrats keep doing along political lines is pounding the table. Racism, pound, pound, pound, but there's no facts to support the argument. And it should drive everyone in the country crazy, even if you happen to be a liberal because this is your health that took a backseat to their political prosperity.

And it's disgusting. And when they say like, oh, we're going to let the World Health Organization figure it out. Yes, really. And then we're going to let O.J. find the real killers.

GUTFELD: Yes.

FAILLA: The World Health Organization doesn't care. They sell out to China at every turn. That's how we got into this mess.

GUTFELD: You know, lay off O.J., OK? Framed him. He served his time. Kat, this isn't even a corrupt practice. It's like -- it's -- it shows you that we -- that even scientists will restrict their speech out of fear. And this is actually canceled culture, not of people or careers, but cancel of actual science.

TIMPF: Right. And it's not like it doesn't matter where the blame lie, because oh, it's done. What -- it could happen again.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: So I think it's pretty important that we figure out what happens so it doesn't happen again. And, you know, millions of more people don't die should be more important than, well, you know, it'll look bad if I look like I agree with Trump on something.

GUTFELD: Right.

TIMPF: That should be the most -- like light -- when it's a matter of life and death, that should be the most important thing. At least that's what I always thought.

GUTFELD: No, no. Well, you apparently thought --

(CROSSTALK)

TIMPF: And dumb.

GUTFELD: Dagen, what's more important, being perceived as an ally to Trump or saving the lives of hundreds of thousands of people?

MCDOWELL: I think saving like four million lives --

TIMPF: Racist.

FAILLA: What's wrong with you?

GUTFELD: Yes. You hate Asian people.

FAILLA: Someone's getting beat as we speak, Dagen.

(CROSSTALK)

FAILLA: I hope you're happy.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: You have blood on your hands.

MCDOWELL: I -- but to pick up on what you're saying, literally to be cool with other scientists.

GUTFELD: Yes. And their nerds already.

FAILLA: Yes, thank you.

MCDOWELL: Rather than being like on the side of science to be cool with the scientists, they just had to hate this one dude.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MCDOWELL: That just makes zero sense to me.

(CROSSTALK)

MCDOWELL: This is a new -- this is a -- they -- this is a psychotic break.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MCDOWELL: This is far above the psychosis that we witnessed on CNN and MSNBC for years.

GUTFELD: You know what, this makes Lori Lightfoot look sane.

TIMPF: It's gas lighting. Because they were like, if you dare to be like, I think maybe the virus came from the lab of viruses. They call you a racist. You know, boyfriend comes home with a bra stuck to his foot and you say like I think you might have been with someone else, he's like you are (INAUDIBLE)

GUTFELD: How dare you? You're a racist.

FAILLA: Like what do you glitter off a guy's face by the way? How dare you?

GUTFELD: Up next. An excuse to show women in lingerie.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: They're replacing the cat walkers with woke talkers. Victoria's Secret canceled its fashion show in 2019 amid criticism over lack of diversity in the models. But it's now announced something way better guys, a podcast series featuring diverse spokeswomen telling their stories. Because if your underwear can't preach at you, they will.

Turns out Victoria's Secret was being afraid of the far left. The spokeswoman will include Indian actress, Priyanka Chopra Jonas, married to a Jonas Brother? Soccer player/LGBT advocate, Megan Rapinoe, and transgender Brazilian model Valentina Sampaio. Unlike me, none of the women will be posing in lingerie. When the Brand Chief Executive Martin waters was asked about the brand's angels returning, he said simply, right now I don't see it as being culturally relevant, then he ran away and hid under a rock. So, to recap, this is what Victoria's Secret used to be. And this is how it's going to be from now on. It's true. And I'm talking about the sabbatic nature of it. Kat, you know what kills me about this? They're playing woke for a paycheck from being paid cynically by accompany they would normally hate, but they realized that I could -- like, if they disapprove of Victoria's Secret, why would they offer to do this podcast?

TIMPF: Right. Victoria's Secrets biggest problem was never like all the super hot ladies. Yes, like they have been so many like exposes, you know, connections to Epstein's people and all this stuff. Like, I got it, a woke podcast that we sponsor, problem solved. And I -- the fashion show, who cares? I never watched it because I could you know, I wanted to just have someone come over and point and laugh at my body. But some people did, and they enjoyed that. Nobody's going to listen to this podcast. There's already too many podcasts. We don't need any more podcasts, and underwear doesn't need a podcast.

GUTFELD: More panties. Less podcasts. That's what dad used to say. Hey, so Jimmy, this is exactly how virtue signaling works. You hear you have a company plagued by legitimately bad press being connected to Jeffrey Epstein who was doing something with the, the president of the company. So, what do you do? You throw your whole brand under the bus to embrace this new shield of woke-ism? And, and it's from so now it's like beautiful models that sexist? Lingerie is patriarchy. Let's do this. Let's find the people that on Twitter are like really interesting.

FAILLA: Yes, I like the title of the podcast, though, I believe it's called chapter 11. No one is listening to this.

GUTFELD: Yes.

FAILLA: Every woke initiative is a shakedown. What is the always the end result? We're going to do this virtuous thing. And by the way, someone is taking a pile of money from us. What is Critical Race Theory? What is any of these lecture series? The corporation gets credit and somebody else shows up and gets $48,000 to give a speech no one wants to listen to.

GUTFELD: Right.

FAILLA: This is what everybody needs to know. OK. There's nothing wrong with having something people like, do what you're good at. You know what it reminds me of like when McDonald's started to make healthy food.

GUTFELD: Right?

FAILLA: Nobody goes to McDonald's to eat healthy. It's like hiring a hooker to snuggle. You know what I mean? That's not why you're there.

TIMPF: Some people do that.

FAILLA: But they should -- stick, stick with your current job. Can you stick with your job?

MCDOWELL: Sex worker.

TIMPF: Exactly. Exactly.

FAILLA: She got $48,000 for that, but no, it's, it is, it is absurd. And I hate that they're doing this because Victoria's Secret, what were they in the market of you know, lingerie, sex attraction. There was nothing less attractive than activism.

GUTFELD: Yes, you're absolutely --

FAILLA: It's the last thing you want to hear. The, the sexy sat comes on. So, what do you think of climate change? I think, it's changing the song and getting out of here.

TIMPF: Yes, I only have sex while watching Michael Moore documentary.

FAILLA: It makes your man feel better about his body.

GUTFELD: Dagen, what do you, what is your thought as a vibrant, lovely woman I have to stay within my boundaries. So, I don't end up in human resources, again.

MCDOWELL: So, number one, this company started going down the tubes because they overlooked the bralette and sports bra trend.

GUTFELD: I had no idea.

MCDOWELL: So, they overlooked flat chested women.

TIMPF: Doesn't everyone?

MCDOWELL: Yes. That's why they're going down the tubes. And secondly, I used to cover this fashion show and I've been backstage with these women. All this company needed to do to be inclusive with all women is to show what these women look like before they've dieted before the fashion show, and photograph them in broad daylight. Because they all have cellulites, they're skinny, but they've got weird big faces like, like one eye and like one eye is bigger than another one and they got big horse mouths when you get up close.

GUTFELD: You are arousing me.

MCDOWELL: And like one -- they all are in underwear because one boobs point that way and one points that way.

GUTFELD: I said it.

MCDOWELL: They're completely imperfect. The show that --

GUTFELD: Dagen, we're talking about my dream woman. I always wanted to date as Salvador Dali painting. You know, Robby, is there anything that hasn't been said in this segment that you can add to it?

ROBBY SOAVE, SENIOR EDITOR, REASON.COM: You know, my grandparents are watching currently. So, I think I'll just sit this conversation out.

GUTFELD: Oh, come on.

SOAVE: The podcast is going to be a terrible idea. I think we said that. Why does everything, why does every company have to have a viewpoint at all?

GUTFELD: Exactly.

SOAVE: Can't you just sell a product -- like if I wanted to hear a viewpoint, I would go to like a, like a magazine or a think tank or something. My organization has viewpoints. This channel has viewpoints. We have viewpoints but we don't, but we're also not trying to sell underwear.

GUTFELD: Why don't I try, I have viewpoints, I should start selling underwear. Well, actually probably Fox Nation has boxers, right? They want my underwear. Not after I use it. Still ahead, Hunter Biden and Jeffrey Toobin are back in the news and the battle for biggest sleazeball continue.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: We've got more news on Hunter in the tubes, which means it's time for.

ANNOUNCER: "GUTFELD'S PERVERT ALERT. I REPEAT. GUTFELD PERVERT ALERT. TAKE COVER IMMEDIATELY."

GUTFELD: Hunter once refused the date because of his own Asian hate. A newly uncovered text conversation between Hunter Biden and his cousin. This is a strange relationship. Chose him once again using racial slurs, this time referring to Asian women. Between him and his dad, they have the entire United Nations covered here. And the 2019 exchange, his cousin Carolyn offers to set him up with one of her friends to which Hunter replied No yellow. Maybe, he didn't like cab drivers. It's a jab at Jimmy because he drives.

The tacks were found on the very laptop the media told you didn't exist. And they read like the screenplay for "Django Unchained," which I never saw so I don't even get the joke. And speaking of things getting exposed, Jeffrey Toobin was out partying with CNN's -- with his CNN colleagues this week at a party for Brian Stelter's new book. The title of the book, "Please Don't Talk about My Ratings."

Is there any party worse than a Stelter party? I'd say the Donner Party but at least they had better hors d'oeuvres. Oh, wow, too soon? Jesus, that happened like 100 years ago. Cannibalism is fun. Many of -- I condemn cannibalism. Many of CNN anchors were at the party, which raises the question did their viewer notice? Singular, you get that? Toobin himself told Politico, "It's in the past. People have moved on." It sounds like somebody cleared their browser history.

But if reputation mattered at CNN, Chris Cuomo would be sent home faster than a kid with head lice. But it's like my dad always said, when we found that thirsty last hitchhiker. You get the watch, I get the boots. Found a lot of hitchhikers back in that day, Jimmy. So, here's the million dollar question to you. Who would you rather be, Hunter or Toobin?

FAILLA: Well, at various times in my life, I've been both. Soared through the wreckage there.

TIMPF: Your vulnerability.

FAILLA: Right, thank you. Hunter Biden should stick to doing what he does best, his brother's widow. He's a garbage person. And I'm sick of -- because he's a garbage person. I mean, again, the side that would ruin a Teen Vogue editor for like using the N-word karaoke, which of course you shouldn't do, especially if it's not in the song to begin with. But the point is, OK, they have ruined people's lives overusing the N-word.

GUTFELD: Right.

FAILLA: One of their own is legit texting like they are paying him by the usage, they turned a blind eye. And the excuse that they show like he's not in power, neither was anybody at Teen Vogue, neither was anybody in a sorority who got their life destroyed. But I got to say, I'm shocked. You wouldn't expect that kind of language from a guy whose father eulogize the Klan member, you know? So, surprising, but yes, it's embarrassing. The media is no shame.

GUTFELD: The hood does not fall far from the tree.

FAILLA: Oh, man.

GUTFELD: Robby, what does it say when the most famous person at your book party is famous for publicly masturbating?

SOAVE: You know, I do have a, I have a controversial view on this. I know because I tweeted it and then everybody yelled at me. I am ready to forgive, and I actually hate the people at New York Magazine, New Yorker. I can't remember which he works at.

GUTFELD: Yes, who fired him.

SOAVE: But they, his co-workers leaked this story. So, we're talking about this.

GUTFELD: Oh, wow.

SOAVE: Because, you know, they were met -- and I hate people in workplaces when they're like, I now have to tell all my friends in the media about this bad thing that happened.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes, yes.

SOAVE: The reason we know about the story and I wish we didn't because I hate --

GUTFELD: I mean, it's a good point you only my only caveat for that because I actually do think that as much as I don't like the guy, I do think he deserves some forgiveness, obviously forgiveness, if he's telling the truth. I don't know who he was pleasuring himself to. If he was, if he was off doing something else, consensually, but what if it was the people at work? That's why they leaked it.

SOAVE: But also during the pandemic, we decided that work is now going to be 24 hours later, right? You're always on camera, and you're always on some meeting. And yes, that kind of sucked.

GUTFELD: Yes, that's true.

SOAVE: So, obviously, you know, he's screwed up. But he's sorry. And I'm ready to move on.

FAILLA: That being said, I'm never doing a Zoom with Robby Soave. Wow.

GUTFELD: You know, it's an element to the Hunter Biden story, Dagen that I don't know if you've focused on but the weird relationship with him and that girl? Oh, you want to comment on that?

TIMPF: Just quickly, I never texted with my cousin, though, you want to bang this girl? You want to bang thing girl? Like (INAUDIBLE) a time.

GUTFELD: It's like she has an inventory of girls for her uncle to have sex with.

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: And he's like going, oh, that one has kids.

TIMPF: It's not OK.

SOAVE: That is weird. That is weird.

GUTFELD: It is weird, and I'm jealous.

MCDOWELL: It reads like that. Well, that he's paying.

GUTFELD: No, it does, it reads like that --

MCDOWELL: It reads like that these are sex workers.

GUTFELD: That's what it read. I felt like, it felt like, you know, what it reminded me of? Not that I'm aware of this because I'm a clean liver, the party girls that you would get, who would you do you do drugs with then there'd always be that other thing going on? And it would be a combination of that, and she maybe knows these people, but I know -- that's purely hypothetical.

MCDOWELL: I am just speculating, but it makes me uncomfortable. Because it's their, like objects. Like, in the worst since -- women are objectified, but this is just a horrific reading. But I'm sitting over here, my hands are sweating, because you're doing this whole lineup with these toads. And it just reminds me of like, well, history. And if you asked him who would you rather be? It's always, the questions always, who would you rather do? And I'd know and -- what?

GUTFELD: Who would you rather -- no, stop it. We're going to edit that out.

MCDOWELL: No, I'm saying that like --

GUTFELD: I know what you mean.

MCDOWELL: Toobin must be happy that, like Hunter Biden stays in the news because Toobin looks like Brad Pitt compared to this guy.

TIMPF: Do you think he was drinking at the party, Toobin? Because it's, you know, I know they say alcohol is like a social lubricant, but based on his behavior, I don't think he needs any help lowering his inhibitions.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes.

SOAVE: The weird thing about Toobin is everybody was happy to see him, but no one shook his hand for some reason.

GUTFELD: And they were looking at, they were looking at what he was touching at the hors d'oeuvre tray. You get moving for the moving towards the pigs in a blanket. Force of habit, I guess. I get it because they're a little wieners. (INAUDIBLE) dough. Whoever invented them. Amazing probably the Pillsbury Doughboy.

FAILLA: Thank you.

GUTFELD: Brian Stelter. Up next, we get the poop on the troops. A very weird but very wonderful story next.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Their biggest dread is when they hit the head. Yep, the drill sergeant controls their fate but they fret over when to defecate. Yes, what a rhyme. According to the Military Times, my second favorite times after medieval, the number one concern among new military recruits, when's the best time to go number two? I would have said number three.

Apparently, tons of recruits have hit social media and message boards to ask about the bathroom situation and basic training. It's signing up to be Marines is like taking a job at Walgreens. One of the most common pieces, pieces of advice go after dark. (INAUDIBLE) one responded, "Poop at night. It's most peaceful then technically you can always ask to go to the head if you absolutely can't hold it. Usually, you'll get effed with but they'll still let you go." Talk about being relieved of your duty.

All right, we have to be quick on this. I totally get this. I'm probably older than everybody here, Robby. But I when I had that registered for the draft, this was my big fear. It wasn't about being killed, captured, or shot, I was worrying about how to poop or pee in a disturbing setting.

SOAVE: Reading the story, which I never would have read on my own, so thank you for this. I just kept thinking like, how awful it would have been to live in any other century before now. Like, you would not only you'd be a true dying but also there's no there's no toilet paper, and there's no -- you have to you know feel your way to the outhouse or something.

GUTFELD: Yes.

SOAVE: And also, being in you would like die, in like the horrible war. Yes, but --

GUTFELD: Think about the trenches. I mean, this is like, I mean, it's like, I am such a hygiene -- you wouldn't know it by the way I look, but I am clean all over, Jimmy. You're a, you're a cab driver, you got to deal with this all the time, correct? Because you're like, you were a cab driver.

FAILLA: Yes, a long time. Well, the way the show's going tonight for me. Back in the, back in the morning. As a cab driver, yes, this is like your primary concern is traffic in a bathroom, and if you ever get into cab you notice everyone is drinking a double XL coffee at all hours of the day. But there's never coffee in the cup. You basically just bring a bathroom with you everywhere you go, and yes. But if you're not comfortable going to the bathroom outside, you're never going to fit in in San Francisco.

GUTFELD: That's true. That's cultural. You know what, if you defecate in New York City, you're accused of culturally appropriate --

FAILLA: You can't do that here.

GUTFELD: You know, Kat, this explains -- OK, so like when you're walking down Times Square, and you see these bottles these yellow bottles. Beware, because when a car drives and rents over it, you get the whole thing on your face, pro, always. I think we're going too far with us.

TIMPF: Yes, I've never thought about that. I've always just stopped and I say eww, and I continue to go on my day, but I'm glad that you seem to be thinking of bathroom stuff all the time.

SOAVE: Can we talk about Jeffrey Toobin again?

GUTFELD: Joe, it's a lot -- it's about, it's almost midnight Dagen. This is the kind of topic you should be covering at midnight: overcoming fears of pooping in the wild. You don't get this on "SPECIAL REPORT."

MCDOWELL: I -- my mother, the specter of my dead mom is over my head going don't talk about it, don't talk about it. But Robby over here needs to get out more. You've never been camping, buddy. You got to pack it out.

SOAVE: I go out glamping.

MCDOWELL: You got to pack it out.

SOAVE: Glamping. Have you ever heard of glamping?

MCDOWELL: No.

GUTFELD: That is a suppository?

SOAVE: No, it's when you bring like the whole trailer that has, that has inside plumbing.

TIMPF: It would be a great name for his suppository, though.

GUTFELD: Yes, glamping, glamping. That beats clapping.

MCDOWELL: Does it really?

GUTFELD: Well, I don't know. I tried to invent a clamp, but it didn't quite work out for me. You know what, I love this topic more than all of you combined. And you all make me sick. Be right back?

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Set your DVRs every night so you never miss an episode. Special thanks to Dagen McDowell, Robby Soave, Jimmy Failla, Kat Timpf, and our amazing studio audience. "FOX NEWS @ NIGHT" with evil Shannon Bream is next. I'm Greg Gutfeld and I love you, America.

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