It's a Bird. It's a Plane. It's Boredom
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So in Stephenville, Texas, a dozen or so people reported seeing a large object with bright lights flying low and fast in their neighborhood. They called it a UFO, although I might call it "a plane."
See, I've always felt that there are two kinds of people in this world: Those who see UFOS and the rest of us.
The fact of the matter is no one ever sees alien spacecraft in big cities or places where there's a decent Wal-Mart. Sightings of strange flying objects only occur in small towns, where there is little else to do but hope and pray for an anal probing. This is not an insult.
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Small towns are great because it's quiet and the beer is cheap — two factors that allow for wishful thinking. See, to me UFOs are the small city version of big city recycling. I mean, I'm sure recycling exists, but I've never seen it. Seems like it all goes into one bin.
It's not that I don't believe in UFOs, it's just that I don't need the unknown to complicate matters. I see things outside my apartment that are all too real and disgusting — and sometimes they fly. They aren't UFOs. They're pigeons. And they can't even work a probe — sadly.
And if you disagree with me, then you sir are worse than Hitler.
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Greg Gutfeld hosts "Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld" weekdays at 2 a.m. ET. Send your comments to: redeye@foxnews.com