Jaxson Dart's girlfriend Marissa Ayers shines in Week 1 win, a Giants-Cowboys fan fight & Ole Miss tension

Good morning everyone and welcome to Wednesday Screencaps in the middle of September. This isn't just another Wednesday. It's the last one for the summer of 2026. Next week at this time, your wife will be on the couch at 8 p.m. with her comfy blanket proclaiming, "It's chilly in here tonight."

I know, I know, I know...you live in the South and it's 110 degrees with the humidity right now. I don't care. There's something in female DNA that tells women to proclaim a chill in the air the minute it turns to fall. There will also be alarm bells going off in their heads that it's time to pick apples.

Guys, prepare yourself.

Moving along ... I spent the preseason pleading with you guys to keep an eye on the Giants O/U win total of 7.5. I also said all eyes needed to be on Marissa Ayers, the sorority girl turned girlfriend of Jaxson Dart, who, I predicted would become the face of NFL wives and girlfriends.

Move over Madison Beer.

JAXSON DART TAKES BRUTAL HIT EARLY IN GIANTS VS COWBOYS OPENER BUT WHAT HAPPENED NEXT WAS KIND OF SURPRISING

How about the Week 1 performance out of both of these future superstars? The Giants are up a game in the division after beating the Cowboys and now have a 58% probability of making the playoffs. Then there's the performance turned in by Ayers. "Only the beginning," she declared Tuesday on TikTok while releasing her Week 1 recap video.

Guys, it's time to get on the bandwagon. I hope you're holding those OVER 7.5 win tickets. The Giants have the 26th hardest remaining schedule, including games against the Cardinals, Browns, Titans and Colts. They don't have to pick off many wins from there to be in the playoff mix in late December.

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TEXAS' ARCH MANNING UNDER SCRUTINY FOR HIS REACTION TO AI VIDEO OF STEVE SARKISIAN SLAPPING ESPN'S HOLLY ROWE

 

Mailbag: Weigh in on Holly Rowe vs. Sark

– Jase asks: What do you make of this whole Holly Rowe-Steve Sarkisian post-game interview thing? I think if Rowe had jokingly played it off rather than acting like an entitled teenager, she would have come out looking a lot better than she did.

Kinsey: This week, the word aggrieved has been in my head. Maybe it's because I sat in a corporate building Saturday night listening to Colin Kaepernick complain about how he was treated by the NFL after wearing cops-are-pigs socks and complaining about Betsy Ross Nike shoes.

CAITLIN CLARK HELPS WNBA HIT HISTORIC LATE-NIGHT CABLE NUMBER DESPITE LIMITED RETURN IN LA

Holly is constantly aggrieved and is an actor. Do you remember her performance during a WNBA game where she cried on camera while looking around at an arena that was sold out for a game. It turns out the arena was sold out to see Caitlin Clark. Rowe wanted us to believe it was sold out because people care about the WNBA.

She's performative. In the end, she got the piece of content she was looking for out of Sark. She's an outrage content merchant. I know you guys are smart enough not to fall for her antics.

 

By the way, of course this is what the aggrieved dorks look like who cannot stand Sydney Sweeney

Was there ever any doubt? Constantly p—-d off at the world. These are the same morons who want to take your gas grills, your gas mowers, gas chainsaws (which they'd gladly let you use to cut a tree off their apartment roofs) and, of course, your guns.

 

Why does the military need a sign telling employees to not throw grenades into Port-o-Lets?

– CB says: Not gonna lie, this gave me a chuckle and brought back a memory or two. In a past life, I was a Navy helo driver, and while I can’t say from personal experience that grenades, or ordnance of any kind, regularly found their way into Port-a-Johns, I can tell you this with near certainty: f the military has a sign specifically telling you not to do something, somebody did it.

In Naval Aviation, our bible was the NATOPS manual, and it was filled with Warnings, Cautions, and Notes.

Warning:You might injure or kill somebody.Caution:You might break the aircraft or some other very expensive piece of government property.Note:Pay attention, because somebody already learned this lesson the hard way.

Those little boxes weren’t written because a committee sat around brainstorming hypothetical stupidity. They existed because, at some point, somewhere, a sailor or Marine looked at a situation and apparently thought,"I wonder what happens if I do this?" So when I see a professionally printed sign that saysNO ORDNANCE IN THE PORTA POTTY, I’m not questioningwhetherit happened, I’m wonderingwho did it, what rank they were, and how spectacular the safety brief was afterward. And spare a thought for the next poor bastard who opened the door, sat down, and discovered a grenade!

From a more personal perspective, I can neither confirm nor deny that I may or may not have participated in an incident at AUTEC involving a golf cart and Goombay Smashes that would have qualified for the NATOPSCautioncategory.

No personnel were harmed, but Government property may have developed trust issues, but that’s a story for another time.

– Matt in Phenix City, AL emails: Hey Joe, i don’t believe I’ve ever heard of an actual grenade being tossed into a port-o-let, but I think that was just the easiest picture for them to come up with. The sign itself referenced ordnance and that encompasses a whole slew of things we blow up and shoot, to include blanks.

My best guess? That installation has an issue with soldiers trying to ditch blank ammunition so they don’t have to turn it in. Ammo turn in is a huge pain in the ass because once a crate is opened (even if you only broke the seal) everything in it has to be counted by hand when you turn it in. And if you fired the rounds? You have to turn in all of the brass from it, which gets weighed. They have a whole formula of how much the brass should weigh based on how much ammo/ordnance was "used".

I can’t tell you how many times we’ve found whole drums of M249 and M240 blank ammo randomly in the wooded training areas because some dumb private didn’t want to lug it around or have to count it at turn-in. I also can’t tell you how many times we’ve had to go back out to training areas to find brass and walk "hands across the world" to find and pick it up because of the lazy soldiers ditching ammo or just not picking it up. Huge pain in the butt.I would hate to see the result of a grenade in a port-o-let though, especially after it’s been used for a week long field problem!

 

Screencaps readers just get it

Thank you to this storage company for its service. We all have to do our part. If that means making statements against pumpkin spice on storage company signs, then so be it.

 

Screencaps readers rate Biscuitville

– Jason in VA says: Oddly enough when you mentioned Biscuitville locations, you gave a shoutout to my hometown of Lynchburg. We have 3 locations in town and I can say it is awesome.  That’s a 3-4 times per week stop for me. 10/10 recommend.

– Beer Guy Thomas V. in NC piped up over this topic: Biscuitville used to be great then around Covid and random shortages they dropped off significantly. They have what they call their ultimate biscuit and charge a premium, but it's more average these days, though when they do offer the fried bologna, egg and cheese it's hard to skip.

– David W. loves that place: Their country ham biscuits are my go to when I’m in Lynchburg visiting my Mom.  BTW, the country ham is also a great hangover food.  I grew up on those biscuits when I was kid in Danville, VA.  They can’t be beat.  A distant second to them is a brand called Tudor’s Biscuits - they will always do in a pinch.  

 

Relax, they're closing small test stores, not the massive warehouses

I'm sure someone is going to yell at me that IKEA is connected to some political movement, or it's owned by Iranians or something extreme like that. Guys, if there's a furniture company that can make a Kallax rip-off, I will give them business right now. That might be one of the most versatile pieces of furniture known to man.

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We just bought two more last week. I think we're now up to six Kallax units in our house.

 

Cathy wants me to prove that El-Sayed is a scumbag

How does an idiot like this end up emailing me? Screencaps goes on the front page of Fox News, a LIB like Cathy is hate scrolling on our site and clicks into Screencaps because I ran a headline using Gracie Hunt, who, I assume, Cathy hates because Gracie is proud of being an American.

"Do you hang out with people who say America deserved 9/11?" I asked Cathy.

She responded: "I do not.  Do you think El-Sayed was part of that?  Is he a Saudi (you know, the country that gave 2B to Jared)?"

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That is it this morning. I need to get on the road to Buffalo for one of the most important sporting events in the history of western New York. I will be covering the Lions-Bills scene tomorrow as the city officially unleashes its new stadium.

Thankfully, the forecast has improved. I don't want rain. I want grown men getting thrown through tables and jumping off school buses. I want chaos. I want Buffalo as I've always envisioned Buffalo. And I want a decent chicken wing while I'm in town.

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Have a great day. I'll be on the highway. That was my choice. I need to see the open road and experience America.

 

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