An elderly Minnesota woman wouldn't let a pesky street parade get in her way.
Goodview, Minn., police say Pauline Lillian Meyerhoff, 86, drove right into the small town's annual parade Sunday afternoon, scattering marchers and participants.
"We're lucky we're not national news this morning," Goodview Police Chief LaVern Hauschildt told the Daily News of neighboring Winona on Monday.
Meyerhoff allegedly approached from a side street in her red Cadillac, then turned onto Sixth Street, the town's main drag — and smack into the oncoming Goodview Days (search) parade.
Police say the Cadillac almost mowed down several children, adults and a girls' gymnastics team.
One woman tried to get Meyerhoff's attention to get her to slow down, but ended up having to jump out of the way.
Instead of slowing down, Meyerhoff sped up as she headed down Sixth Street, getting up to between 35 and 50 mph, according to Hauschildt.
In all the confusion, cops weren't able to stop the wayward driver, but in a town of 3,300 people, it's not easy to hide.
Police officer Robert Koch got to Meyerhoff's house not long after she did and gave her a ticket for reckless driving.
"She was upset that he was not enforcing the law to keep people off the streets while she was trying to drive on it," explained Hauschildt.
The town of Goodview has asked the state to re-evaluate Meyerhoff's eligibility to drive, he added.
— Thanks to Out There readers Phil S., Jarrod B. and John F.
We Want Your Money, and You're a Jerk
CHICAGO (AP) — LaChania Govan said she got bounced around by Comcast (search), her cable company, when she called to complain. She was even transferred to a person who spoke Spanish, which she doesn't understand.
But when she got her August cable bill, she had no trouble understanding that she'd made somebody mad. It was addressed to "B-tch Dog."
"I was like, 'You got to be freaking kidding me,'" said Govan, 25. "I was so mad I couldn't even cuss."
About two weeks after she got her bill, somebody from the company left a message on her answering machine to apologize.
Comcast officials said it shouldn't have happened.
"We only use the actual customers' names on the bill," said spokeswoman Patricia Andrews-Keenan.
Two employees who were involved with the name change were fired, Andrews-Keenan said. It's unclear why they did it.
In a similar case, Peoples Energy (search) customer Jefferoy Barnes got derogatory bills as well.
"I guess the earliest letter is dated in May," Barnes said, "and from then on up until now my name has been listed as 'Jeffery Scrotum Bag Barnes,' and I have no idea why."
A Peoples Energy spokeswoman called the letters inexcusable.
— Thanks to Out There reader Jennifer S.
Van Becomes Uninvited Houseguest
INDIAN HEIGHTS, Ind. (AP) — Terry Johnson didn't expect her house to become a drive-thru as she changed her daughter's diaper in one of her bedrooms.
Johnson said she was shocked Monday when a van came crashing through the front brick wall of her home, ran over a couch and tore through the bedroom wall where she was changing 2-year-old Alana.
"I hadn't even gotten her diaper on when the dresser came tumbling down," she said. "I started screaming and I picked up Alana and got into the bed where my other daughter was. All I could see was the smoke and the turn signal of the van."
Johnson was treated at a hospital for an injured right arm. Her three children weren't hurt.
"Thank God my babies are OK," she said. "We can replace our things, but you can't replace a child."
Nicole Harrah, 28, told police that her van's brakes failed. She went through an intersection, striking a vehicle, then traveled another 150 feet into the Johnson home. She was treated for back pain.
English Islands Banish Panty Raider
TRURO, England (AP) — A man who raided bedrooms and washing lines on the remote Isles of Scilly (search) to amass a collection of women's underwear has been banned from the islands for seven years.
Andrew Stephan, 42, was also barred from entering a house without invitation for seven years and ordered to serve 150 hours of community service.
Police said the father of two stole 160 pairs of panties and various sex toys from homes on the island of St. Mary's off the coast of England's southwestern tip.
Stashes of women's underwear and sex toys were found in the house that he once shared with his estranged wife when her new boyfriend pried apart floorboards looking for water pipes. Underwear continued to turn up around the house and in the garden shed over the next few months.
Judge Paul Darlow said Stephan had broken the long-standing trust unique to small communities such as St. Mary's, where crime is uncommon.
Defense attorney Llewellyn Sellick said Stephan felt "deeply ashamed" of what he had done.
Chewed Gum Deemed No Threat
ALBUQUERQUE (AP) — It was disgusting — but it wasn't a felony.
A dental student who sent some chewed bubble gum along with a money order to pay a speeding ticket has been found innocent of two felony counts of mailing a threat.
The wad of bubble gum was treated as a HAZMAT incident when a worker at the Santa Fe Motor Vehicle Division office opened the envelope.
A note with the gum read: "Caution Touch at your own risk or use gloves. Ha-ha."
An attorney for 24-year-old Rosemary Ho argued it was "the stupid act of a young girl," not a terrorist threat. The federal jury agreed.
Assistant U.S. Attorney Amy Sirignano had said the MVD employee did not think Ho's note was a joke and that the worker reacted "the way any reasonable public employee would."
Man Proposes in Midair
SNOHOMISH, Wash. (AP) — Melani Dino was walking on air — a couple of hundred feet off the ground — when she received Brandon Harding's marriage proposal.
As soon as she got back on land, she said yes.
Harding, 22, arranged to have an 8-by-15-foot black banner with white tape reading, "Will you marry me, Melani?" spread on the ground as the couple floated down from a sky dive Sunday.
The jump was the second for each but the first they had done together.
"I thought he was a little more nervous than he should have been," Dino said.
Harding was the second to last in a group of people to hit the ground, followed by his fiancee.
After Dino landed, he approached and got down on one knee. They kissed, he put a ring on her finger and they stood up and kissed again.
About 10 people in the two families were present, all in the know — except Dino, 23.
"I had no idea," she said.
Compiled by FOXNews.com's Paul Wagenseil.
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