I Would Say 'I Do,' but I Can't

Stop the wedding! This groom isn't allowed to kiss the bride!

Florida cops nabbed groom-to-be Lonnie Causey, 62, minutes before his wedding Friday — charging him with ignoring a judge's order prohibiting contact with the bride, according to the Orlando Sentinel.

"I can't imagine a worse wedding day," his wannabe bride, Jackie French, 61, told the Sentinel.

In August, French called police to tell them the man ready to pledge his love for her, in sickness and in health, had shot a gun at her head after having too much to drink.

Causey, of Fruitland Park, Fla., faces a possible 20 years in jail after pleading not guilty Aug. 29 to aggravated assault with a firearm, shooting inside a dwelling and illegally possessing a firearm — all of them felonies mandating no contact with the alleged victim.

Assistant State Attorney Sue Purdy asked county clerks to hold up the wedding party after stumbling upon the kooky couple's marriage license Tuesday while looking over Causey's criminal case on the Web.

The forbidden lovers showed up with a few family members at 11 a.m. Friday for their nuptials — each sporting a ring for the other from Wal-Mart — with Causey clad in a Hawaiian shirt and jeans and French dressed in a black-and-yellow blouse and black pants.

"Everybody was excited," Causey told the Sentinel in a phone interview from prison.

While the marriage was the first for both in decades, it would have been the third for each partaker in prohibited passion.

"We'd been talking about it for eight months," Causey told the paper. "It was simple, yeah, but it was going to be special for us."

Causey had French's Wal-Mart ring clutched in his palm when cops burst in to prevent the illegal ardor.

"I didn't even have a chance to give it to her," he said.

The banned bride spent the Friday night that was to be her honeymoon trying to raise bail — and told the Sentinel she thought the no-contact order was null and void because she wouldn't cooperate with prosecutors and recanted her story.

"The man did not try to kill me," she told the paper. "I told a lie is what I did."

The no-contact couple has sworn that no prison walls will prevent their not-allowed nuptials.

"I still love her," Causey told the Sentinel. "I'm going to get married to her one way or another — in Folsom prison if I have to."

— Thanks to Out There reader Doug M.

I Thought I Was Told Not to Play With My Food?

A 14-year-old Florida girl who got an Apple iPod for Christmas found a mysterious raw meat inside when she opened up the box, according to WKMG Local 6 News.

The new high-tech iPod was purchased by Rachel Cambra last week from the Honolulu Wal-Mart where she works as a gift for her daughter.

Cambra opened the sealed box, which she said didn't appear tampered with, to find the device missing and a piece of raw meat in its place.

WKMG Local 6 News posted pictures of the meaty holiday gift on their Web site.

An ex-employee allegedly tampered with a shipment of iPods and put the meat into several packages, a probe after the incident found. Cops have charged the former employee with tampering, according to Local 6 News.

The family has been promised a juicy new iPod by the Wal-Mart where the beefy snafu occurred.

— Thanks to Out There reader Shane M.

Sniff Sniff, Do I Stink? Whoops!

WALDO, Ark. (AP) — A car crashed into the front of the Waldo post office after an aerosol can rolled under the car's brake pedal, leaving the driver unable to stop. The driver, Dorothy Faye Porchia, 48, of Magnolia, was unhurt but the front of the post office caved in, Waldo police chief Tom Mockbee said.

The car jumped a sidewalk before running into the building last Wednesday.

"My can of deodorant I keep to make the car smell good fell off the seat and rolled under the brake," Porchia said. "I mashed the brake but it wouldn't go down."

Porchia said she used to live in Waldo and still gets her mail at the Waldo post office.

The damage did not force the post office to close.

"It's lucky this didn't happen before Christmas when we were really busy," postal clerk Cindy Green said.

The building was constructed in 2000 and is still structurally sound, officials said.

"I really hate what I did to the post office, but I couldn't help it," Porchia said.

— Thanks to Out There reader Melissa M.

I Now Pronounce You Dolphin and Wife

JERUSALEM (AP) — Sharon Tendler met Cindy 15 years ago. She said it was love at first sight. This week she finally took the plunge and proposed. The lucky "guy" plunged right back.

In a modest ceremony at Dolphin Reef in the southern Israeli port of Eilat, Tendler, a 41-year-old British citizen, apparently became the world's first person to "marry" a dolphin.

Dressed in a white dress, a veil and pink flowers in her hair, Tendler got down on one knee on the dock and gave Cindy a kiss. And a piece of herring.

"It's not a perverted thing. I do love this dolphin. He's the love of my life," she said Saturday, upon her return to London.

Tendler, who said she imports clothes and promotes rock bands in England, has visited Israel several times a year since first meeting the dolphin.

When asked in the past if she had a boyfriend, she would always reply, "No. I'm going to end up with Cindy." On Wednesday, she made it official, sort of. While she acknowledged the "wedding" had no legal bearing she did say it reflected her deep feelings toward the bottlenose, 35-year-old object of her affection.

"It's not a bad thing. It’s just something that we did because I love him, but not in the way that you love a man. It's just a pure love that I have for this animal," she said.

While she still kept open the option of "marrying human" at some stage, she said for now she was strictly a "one-dolphin woman." She's hardly the jealous type, though.

"He will still play with all the other girls there," she said, of their prenuptial agreement. "I hope he has a lot of baby dolphins with the other dolphins. The more dolphins the better."

— Thanks to Out There reader Derek H.

Oh, Sweet Toilet Paper Most Holy

PENDLETON, Ore. (AP) — With parishioners tired of traditional fundraisers such as bake sales and car washes, the Rev. Rick Oliver is flush with good ideas.

Oliver, pastor of the First Church of God, decided the church would sell toilet paper to raise money to send 18 people on a mission to Costa Rica.

"We wanted to provide something that everybody would need," he said.

Oliver had heard about a baseball coach on the East Coast who successfully sold the product.

His church is selling toilet paper either by the roll or by the case, and offers free delivery with the purchase of a case or more.

The brand, of course, is Angel Soft. A Portland distributor delivered a truckload of it to the church two weeks ago.

Oliver now is a practiced hand with his sales pitch.

"The rolls are larger than the standard, with 450 sheets per roll, and it's two-ply," he told The East Oregonian. "We've heard all the jokes. People really enjoy that it's Angel Soft, but what else would a church sell?"

Be Sure to Leave Your Loose Petals Under Your Pillow!

ANDERSON ISLAND, Wash. (AP) — The "flower fairy" is back.

Last spring flower bouquets and potted plants began appearing without explanation at the homes of numerous residents of this small island southwest of Tacoma.

After a summer hiatus, the practice has resumed, island Fire Chief Jim Bixler said.

"As far as I can figure, the fairy is still alive and well and performing," Bixler said.

Residents who received the deliveries said they heard a knock and answered the door to find a floral gift with a handwritten note saying, "Hope these make you smile." Each note is signed, "Love, the Flower Fairy."

Some believe the lack of deliveries during the summer was due to longer daylight hours. The "flower fairy" works by night, and once fall arrived, the deliveries increased, said Jeff Gillette, manager of the Island General Store.

Whew! At Least My Gator Made It!

BLADENSBURG, Md. (AP) — Andrew Cohen says he can rebuild his Bladensburg auto parts store; what matter most is that his 13-year-old alligator, Wally, is OK.

Fire damaged Andy's Auto Parts yesterday but Prince George's County firefighters were able to prevent the fire from spreading to the office where Wally is kept in a 500-gallon aquarium.

Fire Department spokesman Mark Brady says firefighters did the smart thing and left Wally in place after determining he was safe.

There's no word on what caused the fire.

Cohen says the important thing is no one was hurt. He says he has owned Wally since he was three inches long. Wally is now more than four-feet long and serves as the store's "junkyard dog." Indeed, a sign over his tank reads, "refund department."

Compiled by FOXNews.com's Andrew Hard.

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