I'm too sexy for this lockup, an Australian man told a court late last month.
"The hardened criminal element of jail would not be suitable for this blond-haired boy," Timothy Hall, 21, said at a Dec. 26 hearing in Sydney, reports the (Sydney) Daily Telegraph.
Court registrar Paul Gardiner tried to be firm, but was amused.
"It's Boxing Day [the day after Christmas], not April Fool's Day," retorted Gardiner, who then conceded: "Well, I think you're pretty good-looking anyway."
"Thank you sir, you're not too shabby yourself," replied Hall.
Later in the hearing, Hall began to improvise along the lines of the famous "Choose Life" monologue from the 1995 British movie "Trainspotting (search)."
"I'd like to choose life, a wide-screen TV, two and a half kids," he said, adding "a white picket fence and a dog named Blue."
He addressed Gardiner variously as "your honor," "your worship" and "your wondership."
The court heard that Hall, out on bail on a vandalism charge, had walked out of a hospital Dec. 21 after being admitted for a snake bite.
Police finally found him yelling in the street Christmas morning, looking for cops to take him back to the hospital.
Gardiner granted Hall bail again, on the condition that he live at home with his father, who Hall apparently doesn't care for.
"He's a maggot," Hall said of his dad. "He was ugly, he was a bad drug addict ... he's not blond-haired and blue-eyed."
— Thanks to Out There reader Brad L.
A Hero There, A Crook Here
SYDNEY, Australia (AP) — An Australian hailed as a hero for allegedly rescuing more than a dozen tsunami victims in Thailand was arrested Monday as he returned home by police who recognized him as a suspected burglar.
Thomas David Connell was handcuffed and arrested by Queensland state police after he stepped off the plane at Brisbane International Airport (search).
Police said they recognized Connell, whom they had been seeking for two years, after he gave a television interview from Thailand that aired in Australia last week.
The police said he is wanted on assault and burglary charges.
The 32-year-old businessman was dubbed by local media as "the Good Samaritan of Patong Beach" for his role in allegedly saving as many as 20 people during the Dec. 26 tsunami that smashed over the island resort of Phuket (search).
Connell appeared in Brisbane Magistrate's Court late Monday and was granted bail until his next court appearance in February.
Connell said he spent most of the day in a holding cell suffering flashbacks of his ordeal, and that police had mistaken him for someone else.
"To be a life saver, saving 20 people, and then come back to my home country and I'm going straight into a bloody jail cell with hoodlums all day," Connell told Channel 10 television network. "I'm not a bloody hoodlum."
— Thanks to Out There reader Harley W.
No Fries?!? Aaarrrgggghhh!!!!!
DuBOIS, Pa. (AP) — A Burger King (search) customer berated restaurant employees and nearly hit one of them with his truck after the clerk at the drive-thru window told him they were out of french fries, police said.
Gregg Luttman, 22, made an obscene gesture at the drive-thru clerk on New Year's Day, then walked into the restaurant and cursed at the staff, Sandy Township police Sgt. Rod Fairman said.
When he returned to his pickup truck, he saw restaurant workers taking down his license number and put the vehicle in reverse, nearly hitting one of them, Fairman said.
After being stopped on a highway a short distance away, Luttman scuffled with police and kicked out the back window of a police car, Fairman said.
Luttman was charged with assault, reckless endangerment and other offenses. He was freed Monday on $2,500 bail.
Serve Me a Drink or Else
GOWANDA, N.Y. (AP) — A western New York man said to be grieving the death of a family member took a bartender hostage Monday and opened fire on police during a four-hour standoff that ended only after he passed out drunk, authorities said.
Dale Covert was facing a charge of attempted murder after firing a single round at a Gowanda police officer, State Police Maj. Michael Manning said.
Police responded to the Palm Gardens restaurant lounge 30 miles south of Buffalo around 3 p.m. after receiving a report of a man brandishing a gun inside the establishment, where Covert was holding a female bartender.
Gowanda police, upon being fired upon, called the Erie County Sheriff's Department and State Police for backup. SWAT teams from those agencies then cordoned off the lounge and closed the street to traffic.
As the standoff dragged into the evening, Covert watched the saga unfold on the television news until service inside the bar was cut.
Shortly after 6:30 p.m., the bartender emerged from the bar, unharmed. Covert, who was drinking heavily, then passed out, Manning said.
Michael Luffred, who called himself a longtime acquaintance of Covert, described him as a hard worker who was distressed over the death of a sibling.
Police said Covert was transported to a Gowanda-area hospital, and was then expected to be booked on criminal charges.
First of Year for Second Time
ATTLEBORO, Mass. (AP) — Terri and Mike Gavel now know timing is everything.
For the second straight year, the parents are the winners of the first baby contest at Sturdy Memorial Hospital.
Their daughter Kelsey was born 9:37 p.m. on New Year's Day. A year ago, big sister Rory Ann was born at 12:16 a.m. Jan. 2, 2004.
"I'm still shocked that it actually happened the second year in a row — no planning, no nothing," said mom Terri Gavel, 30. "It's a little unreal right now, still."
As winners of the contest, Terri and Mike Gavel, 36, receive a variety of donated gifts.
Both girls arrived before their due dates. Rory Ann arrived six days early, while Kelsey was a day early.
"It's something that we'll be able to tell our kids when they're older and they understand," Terri Gavel said. "It's going to be neat for them."
Compiled by FOXNews.com's Paul Wagenseil.
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