I have what I consider to be a good sex life, but I've always been curious about women who treat the act as something sacred; who seem to view their orgasms as the release of some divine feminine power.
Then, last month, Kit Murray Maloney—the founder of O'actually, a site that focuses on what turns women on—alerted me to a three-week-long program called the Pleasure Pledge, which asks women to "commit to their daily orgasm." Its aim, she told me, was to help us make peace with our bodies, unleash our inner goddess, and maybe even become a tool to manifest more money and success.
By having an orgasm every day, she explained, "we are gifting ourselves deep connection to our bodies, our creativity, and our authentic power. A holistically orgasmic women is an empowered, embodied, and alive woman."
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On a personal level, I didn't exactly relate to the premise Maloney initially introduced, which was that a lot of women are out of touch with their sexuality and need more pleasure in their lives—I was already having an orgasm most days—but she reassured me there's a lot more I could be doing and feeling.
The first two days of the pledge, my boyfriend was out of town, so I took matters into my own hands—literally. Though I used to masturbate regularly, I realized I'd gotten pretty reliant on him since I moved in. I immediately noticed myself feeling guilty, not for masturbating per se, but for doing something other than working. Turns out my biggest sexual hangup was actually my fear of being unproductive.
After that, my daily orgasms were with my partner, which forced me to take more initiative than I used to. I couldn't just rely on him to initiate sex, because then if he didn't, I might not fulfill my quota. That's when I noticed a different type of guilt: around making the first move. I was scared of rejection. I'd assumed for some reason that I had to wait for him to want sex before I could suggest it. I guess we have sexism to blame for that. To my relief, it turned out that expressing my interest usually made him interested, too—and when it didn't, he didn't respond in a hurtful way—which has made me less shy about it since.
Technically, the Pleasure Pledge isn't only about sex—I got daily emails with videos on topics like "connecting to your life force" and "yoni breathing." I joined a Facebook group where women discussed everything from body-safe menstrual products to vaginal strength training.
If pledgers aren't up for an orgasm that day, they can opt for a "daily pleasure," which can be anything you do just for the fun of it. So, I decided to commit to both by sprinkling in little things like working out and picking up flowers for my boyfriend on days when I flaked on the orgasm pledge (a few because I was sick and wanted to forget about my body's existence, and one because my vibrator fell asleep.) But I was way worse with the non-sexual pleasures.
I went two weeks fitting in my daily orgasm or two—and the occasional, anxiety-provoking daily pleasure—and failing to notice any inner transformation. Meanwhile, the Facebook group was filled with accounts of women building self-love and clearing out negative energy. But the most interesting post was one about using your orgasms for manifestation: making the things you want a reality.
"Damn, I've been wasting all my orgasms on mere fun," I thought. The productivity stickler in me wanted more. Fortunately, Maloney's next email had the subject "Manifesting Money and Desire Through Orgasm." The accompanying video explained that since your psychological blocks are down during orgasm, it's the perfect time to envision the life you're after and harness the power of the universe (or your personal power or whatever you believe in) to attain it. Worth a try, right?
Turns out it's pretty hard to orgasm when you're trying to visualize yourself as a bestselling author (no harm in dreaming big, right?). It's equally difficult to focus on your career goals in the middle of sex. The images came to me in the random, incoherent way sexual fantasies sometimes do. First, I was writing on some sort of tropical beach, then I was inside getting drinks with celebrities. They kept fading away as sexy thoughts took over. But after three tries, I finally managed to time my manifestation thoughts with my climax. It did feel a bit like I was building up all my hopes and dreams in my vagina and giving birth to them, so we'll see how that turns out?
Now that these three weeks are over, it's nice to know I'm entitled to a day off once in a while. Staying on top of your daily pleasure is hard work, it turns out. But I am pretty excited to explore manifestation and other channels for my orgasmic energy. I'll let you know if it leads to that book deal I visualized.