Democratic Convention

Bill Clinton tries to wash away decades of scandal, power and corruption with a yarn and a smile

Former president makes the case for his wife at the Democratic National Convention


After years of having his wife clean up after his many indiscretions, Bill Clinton finally returned the favor, using his speaking slot at the DNC to spin a fantastical image of the widely-known political power seeker.

'The former president attempted to humanize the unpopular Clinton by painting a pretty love story to mask a career marked by the naked pursuit of power. While he may have failed to do that, he certainly succeeded in reminding the country of his own misdeeds.

The former president made 20 years of scandal and corruption sound like The Notebook.

"In the spring of 1971 I met a girl," Clinton began his speech, before detailing their courtship. Indeed, he spent much of his time gushing over his "lifetime of memories" with his "best friend."

"I've lived a long, full, blessed life. It really took off when I met and fell in love with that girl," Clinton said. Of course, one must wonder exactly of which girl he speaks.

It was indeed astonishing to witness the man with at least ten women who have publicly accused him of an extramarital affair, rape, or sexual assault wax lovingly about his wife. Then again, she did reportedly help him keep a number of them quiet.

Clinton has been accused of rape or sexual assault by at least four women: Juanita Broaddrick, Kathleen Willey, Paula Jones, and Eileen Wellstone. He has allegedly had affairs with at least that many more.

His presidency was tarnished by an affair with a White House intern, Monica Lewinsky, about which he lied. In 2008, close friend to Clinton Jeffrey Epstein, the financier, was convicted of soliciting an underage girl for prostitution. Epstein reportedly kept a harem of underage girls on a private island -- which Clinton visited -- and used his private jet, on which Clinton sometimes flew, to traffic them.

When Clinton wasn't trying to spin a marriage marked by affairs and allegations of sexual misconduct into a love story for the ages, he was praising his wife's apparently earth shatteringly impressive accomplishments.

In keeping with the DNC's unofficial theme of race-baiting identity politics, many of those accomplishments of Hillary's that Bill mentioned dealt explicitly with race.

Clinton highlighted the fact that Hillary spent summers interviewing workers in migrant camps, and that she investigated segregated academies, her efforts resulting in those schools losing their tax exemptions.

He also couldn't help but mention the fact that she helped Franklin Garcia help Mexican-Americans register to vote, and that she went to South Carolina to investigate juvenile African Americans being jailed for year-long sentences with adults.

Clinton also made superficial attempts to smooth over relations with those Hillary has offended, specifically those who rely on the coal industry and Bernie Sanders supporters.

He assured the crowd that Hillary was "totally progressive on economic and social issues," and promised coal workers that, after taking away their livelihoods, she will come "back for you to take you on the ride to America's future." How reassuring.

Perhaps Clinton's most astonishing claim was that Hillary leaves everywhere she goes in a better state than when she found it. "Drop her anywhere ... and she will have made it better," he said proudly.

Try telling that to the people of Libya. "She's a natural leader, she's a good organizer and she's the best darn change-maker," Clinton claimed. But the so-called natural leader let U.S. personnel perish in Benghazi, and used her position in government to enrich her family's foundation.

The so-called "good organizer" is, in FBI Director James Comey's words, "extremely careless" with sensitive government information and "not sophisticated enough" to understand classified marking. The so-called "best darn change-maker" left Syria and Libya in shambles.

For their entire personal and political lives, the Clintons have been plagued by scandal. And all along the way they have been "walking and talking and laughing together," Clinton said. The former president made 20 years of scandal and corruption sound like The Notebook.

Edmund Kozak is a reporter for LifeZette.