This is a rush transcript from "The Greg Gutfeld Show," April 7, 2018. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
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CHRIS MATTHEWS, MSNBC HOST: Look at the outer aspects of what you might envy in Barack Obama, he's a cool guy. cool in a Sinatra way, in a positive Sinatra way, unlike Trump which is the bad Sinatra.
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GREG GUTFELD, HOST: Yes and you are the stupid Sinatra.
Yes, yes, yes, all right. The caravan hit the fan or rather a parade of unchecked immigrants hit a wall, an orange wall. A 71-year-old cheeseburger eating wall that is Donald Trump, his blunt response to a plan symbolic wave of immigrants from Honduras created what we call second thoughts and the caravan became a "car-event" somewhere in Mexico. Yes, they called Trumps bluff and he said, "Enough", but were they really coming anyway?
Who knows but what a slam dunk for DT. Seriously the guy has been all over illegal immigration forever, and activist group says, "Hey, while he's president let's send a thousand people to the border". Not happening.
So here is an example of the new school being schooled by the old school, and old world dude faced off with the modern grievance movement and the movement moved on, reminds me of a movie.
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UNIDENTIFIED MALE: In a world the border is lawless and the boundary is lawless, they sent a caravan and he sent an army.
DONALD TRUMP, AMERICAN PRESIDENT: We're going to be guarding our border with the military.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: It's a small step for man.
TRUMP: It's a big step.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Sorry, it's a big step, with federal law was left unenforced and Democrats kick the can down the road or is it the ball down the field? Either way, one man said, "No bro, not in my country". Nude man on a Unicorn, baking a cake wall, reciting Shakespeare Backwards Films presents, Donald Trump and Enrique Pena Nieto and Ric Flair as the Nature Boy, Executive Action 11, "Order at the Border".
GUTFELD: All right. Now, there is another reason why the caravan failed -- society's biggest beef is always line cutting, which is predicated on fairness. If you're not in dire need, then you wait in line like everyone else. The many, many thousands of people here and my studio audience right now, they waited in line but it seems we've forgotten why. So here is a primer even kids will understand.
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UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Line cutting. Why is a bad? Well first, you should know that lines are as American as the revolutionary war. Back then linear infantry formations would have to wait their turn before shooting each other with muskets. In fact, four out of five scientists agree, without lines, we would've never would have won our independence. Fast forward to today and you can see lines everywhere n- for iPhones, at ball games on Gordon Ramsay's forehead and there's even a line to get into this country.
The only place you won't see lines at Maroon Five concerts, but when lines are long some people like to cut the whole thing leaving those who follow the rules out the cold. It doesn't seem fair does it? Unless of course, you're in a place where it says, "Rules don't matter", and you're given sanctuary. Well that's the video for another time. And that is why line cutting is bad.
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GUTFELD: Yes. No one ever explains it. No one explains it. The bottom line, everyone who came here the right way wishes everyone else would do the same thing -- get in line. Meanwhile the left made another wall -- call it a collusion collision.
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ALAN DERSHOWITZ, AMERICAN LAWYER, AUTHOR: After a year of very thorough investigation and going after all the low hanging fruit, if they couldn't have shifted him from a subject to a target, there's nothing there. Now they are going after very, very weak issues, collusion. I challenge Muller to tell me what statute is violated by collusion.
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GUTFELD: Dershowitz, throwing it down the gauntlet. So was the news that Trump is not a target a plus for Trump and a setback for his foes at CNN? We stopped by their offices for comment.
So, where is the impeachment caravan now?
GUTFELD: Heading into another wall. No surprise, I mean have they even thought this thing through? Seriously, what happens if the impeachment imps get exactly what they want? What do they end up with?
That is your plan? I love that plan. Replace a censorious Republican with a guy who is so right wing-y, he makes Genghis Khan look like Grandpa Walton. No the left never has a plan, always seeking to replace things that work, a free market, a border, a president with crap.
Communism, socialism, identity politics, patchouli, tofu -- no wonder everything they touch ends in suffering. If history was our guide we would build a wall around them.
But last and never least, there's this -- the former first lady compares Donald Trump to being a bad parent.
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MICHELLE OBAMA, FORMER FIRST LADY: The eight years that Barack was president, it was sort of like having the good parent home, the one that told you to eat your carrots and go to bed on time, and now perhaps, we have the other parent maybe it feels fun for now because we can eat candy all day and stay up late and not follow the rules.
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GUTFELD: That wasn't a bad metaphor except for the last line. It feels fun for now because we can eat candy all day. So what's the candy? Is it more jobs? Less, ISIS, progress with North Korea, Gorsuch, tax cuts? Because of that the candy what does that make Donald Trump?
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SAMMY DAVIS JR., AMERICAN SINGER: The candy man coz' cause he mixes it with love, and makes the world taste good. Candy man, candy man, can-candy man, can-candy man.
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GUTFELD: Yes. All right. Let's welcome tonight's guest. He's like James Bond but with better hair. Former CIA Officer Buck Sexton. Like falling through a plate glass window, he will leave you in stitches, comedian, Joe Machi. She's only cheerful when she has a beer full, National Review reporter, Kat Timpf, and he can literally move mountains, impact wrestler and my massive psychic, Tyrus.
So Buck, I have to hand it to Donald Trump on this because this was a yearly political stunt by an activist group to raise awareness about asylum seekers and so forth and it's been done before, but he repurposed it for his law and order perspective. And it seems like it worked. I don't know.
BUCK SEXTON, FORMER CIA OFFICER: We also have more data now about what ends up happening by the way. You have a lot of 25 -year-olds showing up at the border saying they're 17 and that's just now been established.
GUTFELD: Yes, I've been tricked by them by the way. They tell me they're 25, anyway.
SEXTON: So there's a lot of that that happens and also what I think people started to recognize this week is that they are actually not "illegals".
SEXTON: They were going through -- this is a caravan going through the mountainsides loophole. This was an enormous loophole where they literally show up to border patrol and they say here we are, can you put us on the bus and send us to the places where you give people the people the free place to say and the food and tell me to show up in immigration court in about five years. We will see how that goes.
GUTFELD: No it's a good point. Joe, I think this was poor planning on their part. Securities who have a president who so old world -- all law and order and they go, "Let's just send a thousand people to the border. He won't do anything".
JOE MACHI, COMEDIAN: A caravan is a terrible way to sneak into a country unless it's a Dodge Caravan. I've said that a million times and I'll say it again. But I'll tell you what, they're upset about the presidential election in Honduras. I don't think that that are going to like the President here because Trump probably would've done well in that election.
GUTFELD: Yes, it's true. That is true. Kat, I kind of think -- what bugs me out about the caravan, it's actually an important issue. People trying to get out of bad countries, but how can just being a citizen of a country make you an asylum seeker? There has to be war and pestilence and hell, right?
KATHERINE CLARE TIMPF, AMERICAN TELEVISION PERSONALITY, REPORTER AND COMEDIAN: Yes, I would agree with that.
GUTFELD: Thank you. I guess that was a much of a question.
TIMPF: You know -- I -- look, I think that the one issue I had with this is Trump said, it's represented like a massive influx of illegal immigrants, when really, border patrol agents said, this is pretty typical, what they see every day.
TIMPF: And also, border crossings have dropped dramatically. There's not this new massive influx and I do think that Trump deserves credit for that. I think he's giving himself enough credit.
TIMPF: They dropped dramatically. So there's not this new massive wave, they're way down.
GUTFELD: Yes. But it is -- I think it's because he's a metaphorical wall. I mean, like if somebody who just gets elected says, "You're not allowed to come here", it's going to send people back, right Tyrus?
GEORGE MURDOCH, AMERICAN ACTOR, POLITICAL COMMENTATOR, AND PROFESSIONAL WRESTLER: Yes, I think it was interesting because, we live in a world where no one's really beaten or loses an argument and they pretty much told you're not coming. So America is like, beautiful, Tijuana, we are now going to beautiful Tijuana, ladies and gentleman -- Tijuana where everyone gets a fresh start, you know. Man, it's amazing over there. It's kind of like America just drunker. It is going to be great, so.
MURDOCH: .It will be, don't forget Morgan Freeman the narrator, "Now in Tijuana, where they found a new life", so they didn't really lose they can't give it, you know, he sent the National guard and like, maybe I'm going to do clerical work, no brother, nothing clerical nothing, they're just -- they're clicking, and rocking and making sure you're not crossing but, yes, that was -- the whole thing today, is they changed the narrative to where it was just a symbolic.
MURDOCH: So I've been telling people on the buses who packed everything they could possibly could and underneath the bus and they didn't tell them they were just -- it's just a little thing they are going to show off and then everyone is going to go back to Honduras.
MURDOCH: No, they are stuck in Tijuana now and there's not a lot of jobs out there.
GUTFELD: Yes. There are a lot of jobs, but they are not jobs that you want.
MURCOCH: You want, yes.
GUTFELD: Apparently, I would not do that. So what's -- final questions. If nothing seems to be working Buck, if collusion doesn't work in stormy doesn't work and infidelity doesn't work and dementia, what should the left do now?
SEXTON: To win the midterm election?
SEXTON: Just not be crazy. But they can manage to do that.
SEXTON: No, I really mean that, like if they actually focus, they know what the answer is here, because of what happened in Pennsylvania, what kind of land. If they talk about issues that actually mattered to the American electorate, they have a chance of winning some of those tossup races that right now are actually trending a little bit Democrat. But if they do it, you're talking -- you cannot turn on CNN without seeing either Vladimir Putin's face or Stormy Daniels. That has become the network mantra right now.
GUTFELD: They have got to put them together.
MURDOCH: Stormy Putin.
GUTFELD: Stormy Putin, that sounds like a medical disorder. Joe, final thoughts on how to things to go in general.
MACHI: Maybe we can get Katie Perry out there on the campaign earlier this year.
GUTFELD: Yes, she really helped, don't you think?
MACHI: I -- from some people's perspective.
GUTFELD: Yes, mainly not hers. All right, coming up, should she be ashamed of all the people she has blamed? Hillary keeps talking and I keep talking about her.
GUTFELD: I am running out of rhymes to cover her whines. Speaking at a women's club, they have them here in New York City this week. Hillary Clinton talked about fun things like picnics and ice cream and puppies. I'm kidding. You know what she talked about.
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HILLARY CLINTON, FORMER FIRST LADY OF THE UNITED STATES: Fox News is always trying to impeach me. So somebody needs to tell them, it just doesn't apply with (inaudible).
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GUTFELD: Yes, she's not stopping and why should we, Fox wants to impeach me, is like Trump saying build the wall. It's her stairway to heaven or shouldn't say stairway because she'll trip that was funny. She trips a lot okay, excuse me. It means she's human actually.
If you're a fan, you'll love hearing her stuff. If you're not a fan, you love hating it. She's like a laxative in the water supply. She gets the whole crowd going. Thank you. Everybody loves a good diarrhea joke.
All right, she has so many classic riffs. In fact after all these years, Hillary has built up enough material to compile the greatest hits album.
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UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Now for the first time ever, it's Hillary's greatest hits. Four decades of all of your favorites on one easy listening disc. Stroll down memory lane with these timeless classics. Witness all part of a vast right wing conspiracy, "I'm not some little woman standing by my man, like Tammy Wynette, and of course.
CLINTON: You could put half of Trumps supporters into what I call the "Basket of Deplorables".
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Hillary's greatest hits. These golden oldies are sure to warm you're heart, "We're going to put a lot of coal miners out of business", "It was a mistake for me to use personal e-mail, plus.
CLINTON: What difference at this point does it make?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: And who can forget her runaway hit, "Normal human laughter". Hillary's greatest hits, "Where were you when you first heard 0:08:45.6, "Long walks in the woods", "My share of Chardonnay", "No one ever said that to a man", and everyone's favorite.
CLINTON: "Why aren't I 50 points ahead, you might ask?"
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Plus, you'll get the bonus track, "Arf, arf you know".
CLINTON: Arf, arf, you know.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: And if you act now, you'll also get, "You're to blame", for just a penny more. Every person's 0:09:03.9, Hillary could cause her the election. The whole back catalogue is here in this 25 disk set. Enjoy favorites like Russia, Bernie Sanders, Women whose husbands told them to vote for Trump, WikiLeaks, Low information voters, James Comey, and so much more. Two great collections, get yours today. Available at Kmart.
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GUTFELD: It's a rave gift for the holidays, which are coming up in like seven or eight months. Kat, I think -- I have a theory, that FNC, should give Hillary Clinton a TV show. Sunday, eight o'clock and then she'll generate so many clips that we could run them all week, correct?
TIMPF: I think that's absolutely true.
TIMPF: I would watch it.
GUTFELD: I would watch the hell out of it. I would hate watch it.
TIMPF: Hate watch it, yes, just be her giving excuse after excuse on why she lost the election. She's still not over doing that, but there's something good about her doing that.
TIMPF: But there's something good about her doing that.
TIMPF: From my perspective, I realized what I want in life and that is someone who loves me as much as Hillary Clinton loved herself. I could make a million mistakes. I could do anything I wanted and they would just be like, "I can't believe Russia made you do that. You are number one, Kat."
GUTFELD: Yes. Joe, what do you make of her performances so far? What you think this?
MACHI: Well, she said that misogyny had a lot to do with the election and that might be true. She said that a lot of women politically, they just do what their husbands tell them to do, so maybe people didn't vote for her because she just was running because Bill Clinton told her too. There's a lot to get to that.
GUTFELD: Tyrus, she is getting kind of -- she is getting...
MURDOCH: I am sorry, I am sorry. So, she gets the Sunday spot?
GUTFELD: Wait, you can co-host.
MURDOCH: Oh, another co-host spot. Great. I get it. Another a chair maybe. Maybe hers will vibrate from her earphones. You said I got this Sunday thing.
GUTFELD: I know.
MURDOCH: So, just like that because I am not a woman.
MURDOCH: Oh, it's because I am black.
GUTFELD: You got me again.
MURDOCH: Hillary, Hillary, I am a guy who is going to lose to her? Me? First guy in history who loses -- man. I've got to carry that on my back for the rest my days. Who beat you out for the spot? Hillary (inaudible)...
GUTFELD: You guys would have great chemistry. You'd be like Hoda and Kathy Lee.
MURDOCH: I don't know who hell Hoda is but I am not being Kathy Lee. Just like that, Sunday at eight.
GUTFELD: All right.
MURDOCH: Hillary in capital letters and Tyrus...
GUTFELD: Buck, let's move away from Tyrus getting angrier and angrier at me and let's talk about how we -- never after an election have we ever had somebody like trash talking, making the rounds and blaming everyone. It is-- this is a first.
SEXTON: It's a lot of people from the previous administration who weren't even necessarily people you think of that are political. It's actually kind of weird. You see former CIA directors out there now just trashing the current President and even implying that he maybe know some things with the President that would change the way we all think of him and it shows the evidence of that.
And you have obviously Hillary still very bitter about the loss. You have Michelle Obama who has been played criticizing him. This is new and I think it's really destructive, but I would note that Hillary is now going at a cut rate, so those of you who want her for like birthdays, bar mitzvahs, any of the above, she goes for 25Gs now which in Hillary land is a massive discount.
I wonder what -- this is true, by the way. She did a speech for 25K. Her going rate used to be a quarter of a million dollars, minimum. Are her speeches just not charming and wonderful anymore? What happened?
GUTFELD: I guess because she keep saying the same damn thing. I love her and I mean that sincerely. You know, a TV show is a lot like house when there's like -- all of a sudden, you find a hole that you have to fill, and like a bee block, what are we going to do with a bee block? It's been a slow week.
She's a spackle. Like, we can use Hillary. Hillary will say something and we can use her to fill an empty space in the show. I call it Hillary Spackle. Look at you, guys. I could tell you're excited.
All right, look at this. Know what this is? Yes, you know it. It's great. So, for the longest time, people on the streets and at churches and at places where I do my volunteer work with the kids, they're always asking me, "Greg I love your monologues on "The Five," where can I get them?" And I go, "I don't know. I don't have the internet," but we decided to put all the monologues into one book where you can buy it and it's got like tons -- it's gotten so much new bonus material. It will make you sick.
So, actually, comment on my monologue and tell me if they're right, wrong. If they suck or if they are still good. Oh, there you go. Right there. It's a beautiful book. Go to Amazon.com, pre-order and you can go to simon&schuster.com and preorder and I don't think you'll be dissatisfied.
All right, still to come, are Christians bad people? One university thinks so, a breakdown of that is next.
ROBERT GRAY, CORRESPONDENT, FOX NEWS: Live from America's News Headquarters, I'm Robert Gray. Canada is a nation in mourning, 15 people killed after a truck slammed into a bus carrying a youth hockey team heading to a playoff game. The team's coach and captain are among the dead.
At least 14 others were injured in the devastating collision. Canadian police say the truck driver was briefly detained and later released. He is receiving mental health assistance.
President Trump offered his condolences in a tweet. No word yet on what caused the accident.
At least one person is dead after a fire on the 50th floor of Trump Tower in New York City. Authorities say, the 67-year-old man died at the hospital. Four firefighters suffered minor injuries including two with burns. The building with was President Trump's longtime residence before he moved to Washington DC. His business is also based there.
I'm Robert Gray. Now, back to "The Greg Gutfeld Show."
GUTFELD: Apparently, it shouldn't please us to love Jesus. That accordingly to George Washington University. Who goes there? Who this week is hosting a Christian privilege workshop that teaches followers of Christ -- right ones mainly, that they unfairly receive "unmerited" perks from institutions and systems all across our country.
Like all workshops, it has stupid goals for its students who, by the end of the journey should be able to list three examples of Christian privilege, describe what is meant by privilege overall and white privilege specifically, describe the role of denial when it comes to white privilege, if you disagree its denial and finally, why not a sin to think, I'm drop dead gorgeous.
No argument on that one. My secret is always to stay hydrated.
I don't even know what to think anymore. Joe, you're a Christian or so you claim, do you have a lot of privilege that you lord over other people with?
MACHI: Lord over? Very good. No, Greg, this is absurd.
MACHI: And first of all, no one benefits -- no one has it better in this country than atheists.
MACHI: You get to sleep in on Sundays. You can murder people guilt-free. I've got commandments. I go to murder someone, it says, "Thou shalt not murder." The atheists, you're good to go. Go ahead.
GUTFELD: That's true. It doesn't apply does it?
MACHI: It doesn't apply to you.
GUTFELD: Oh wow. I have got to look into this thing.
MACHI: Working my ass off here, Greg.
GUTFELD: Tyrus, the bottom line is you can actually target Christians because they are not going to kill you. Like if you draw Jesus, nobody is going to shoot your entire newspaper staff, so it's really actually an easy target, right.
MURDOCH: Yes, I constantly I target white Christians. I'll stop a white guy on the street, "Hey, are you a Christian?" No. "You may pass." Were you praying bro? When were you last over here? I mean, to me, there is yes, the white privilege or whatever, but I think it's more of a class thing.
If you're born into money, you've got better chances for success or whatever, and if you want to say, God gave it to you, whatever. I get credit for all my own stuff. But I always take responsibility for my bad.
So, I think stuff like this is just more (inaudible). I mean, it's just -- who cares? Do you even study how a group allegedly is better than you? Instead of, you could use that time to better yourself and be better than them?
GUTFELD: Right. Look, I have a theory that the biggest privilege of all privilege is the oppressed privilege. As long as you can like basically intimidate other people to the accepting that you are oppressed, no one can touch you.
But that's just a theory.
SEXTON: Yes, victimology has actually become something of a competition particularly on college campuses. Who is the most victimized group? And you're seeing this now, get to a place of complete incoherence.
I mentioned before, the left just has to not be so crazy and that would actually be able to make, I think, a lot more gains politically and otherwise, but here what you see is, it's not even clear what they are trying to say.
I mean, I guess it's an extension of white privilege, but you know when you are a kid and you made up your own language and you would speak to each other, maybe you had friends, so you didn't do that, but I am just saying, you know, when your kid and you do these things...
GUTFELD: Oh, poor little Buck.
SEXTON: I am just saying, you make things up. This is what it is when you have these intersectionality disputes on college campuses. They're coming up with new words, with concepts that are self-contradictory, and again, these fights over who is the most oppressed. They even have made the case that the Fighting Irish mascot, which I feel like, you know, I can, I could say, not a problem, but that is a problem.
SEXTON: We have to figure out what the Vikings were really like by the way.
GUTFELD: Oh, yes.
SEXTON: Then, there will be problems.
GUTFELD: Let's not even mention the 49ers. They weren't just panning for gold, if you know what I mean. Because I don't. I frankly don't. And the Raiders, those are pirates, right, all those guys were. They were a joyful bunch, but enough about mascots, Kat.
TIMPF: Is that my question?
GUTFELD: Yes. Are you guilty of any privilege?
TIMPF: Everybody has certain privileges and everybody has certain difficulties. That's it. That's a whole seminar. I just gave it. What do these people talk about for whatever hours and hours on end? I don't understand. Why set it up as this hierarchy situation when really it's just, yes, it's called we are all different.
GUTFELD: We are all different and that's what makes the world special. What Tyrus?
MURDOCH: I think Buck just hit it on the head. I think victimology is the new religion. I mean, that's a volunteer -- here, heavenly father who picked on us, I am sure he is making fun of me. It's not my fault. Everybody else did it. Pray. I mean...
TIMPF: Yes, there is nothing more powerful than being the weakest person in the room.
MURDOCH: I think it's the new a religion to be victim, the volunteer victim, yes, because there is no responsibility. Nothing in life is your fault. Somebody else did it.
SEXTON: Yes, you're not powerful and you can always demand more and more stuff.
MURDOCH: Yes, that sounds pretty religious to me.
GUTFELD: Yes, no, you are absolutely right. And by the way, you have to confess that you're guilty of privilege and then maybe you'll be okay and that religion to then make other people feel guilty.
MACHIN: That's your original sin.
GUTFELD: Yes, it is. No, you are born as an oppressor. That is exactly true. I think we have discovered a whole new religion. By the way, everybody has privilege. Tall people, hot people, everybody has some kind of privilege except for me because I am short.
MURDOCH: No. Don't give him that. He is phishing. He is phishing. Being tall has got -- have you ever tried walking in the bus, Greg? You're in the hallway trying to get on a roller coaster? How about flying? But you sit on the plane like this. I mean...
GUTFELD: You have shelf privilege. You have shelf -- because you can reach everything on the high shelf.
MURDOCH: Right, and don't you have a tall wife?
GUTFELD: I go to Walmart, I have to ask for help from tall women. It's embarrassing.
GUTFELD: I can't -- I have to like -- I can't even enjoy a parade.
MURDOCH: Don't forget, because every time, "Hey, Tyrus, let's go to..." he always want me to go with him because he wants to sit on my shoulders, it's not happening.
GUTFELD: And it's not like you would even notice, do it for your little friend. All right, does Google hate America and what you do die? Probably not, but we will debate it anyway.
Helping our nation is not their station. So while everyone's freaking out about Facebook, consider the juvenile jerk faces at Google. Thousands of employees there signed a letter protesting the company's work with the Pentagon. The letters gist, "We believe that Google should not be in the business of war." Never mind that Google and the Pentagon are working ot make drones more precise so that only the bad guys get taken out, not civilians.
No, these Googlers would rather keep their hands clean. Thank God, their great grandparents didn't feel that way about World War II...
GUTFELD: They were faced with an evil that wanted world domination. Did they say, "Nah, we'd rather not, hell no." American companies made up of men and women helped win the war. Actually, more so women because the men were shipped off to fight.
Rosie the Riveter was more than just a feminist meme, she was a national call to action. Google it, you Google heads. During World War II, US industry produced 300,000 planes, 100,000 tanks and billions -- tens of billions of bullets.
If it weren't for that for generation, there would be no freedom, no America and certainly no Google. So, we need more Rosie's and fewer posies.
Tyrus, this pisses me off. Does this piss you off?
MURDOCH: I'm so pissed I could drop a watermelon, Greg. This is -- it's full of water, if you know what I mean.
I mean, this is where we're at. This is where we are at. I am not helping the Pentagon because they might hang people. But it's the same Pentagon that keeps your ass safe so you can write your blogs and talk your trash and I guarantee you, if someone kicked in your office and have you braded down, you'd be screaming, "Where's the help? Where is everybody else?"
Well, we had this drone that would have flown in and stopped it, but sorry.
MURDOCH: I mean, police officers, firefighters, paramedics, doctors -- they don't get to choose. They don't say, "Ah, you know what, that guy is different, I mean, I don't want to help him. I am not into the other side thing." It's just crazy that this is the time we live in and that is acceptable. I would've fired every one of them.
GUTFELD: Buck, they kind of look -- they look at technology as a one-way street. So, if you have terrorists that are actually perfecting technology-- drone technology but they are saying, you can't -- we are not going to use technology to help combat that. It's incredibly naive in 2018.
SEXTON: Well, you know when you are a company and your motto has to be, "Don't be evil," there's probably some applications for what you're doing that aren't necessarily so great. I think there's some lessons to be taken from that.
And people also need to know that Google and all of these Silicon Valley companies are far left in their political proclivities and at some point, they should just embrace the rapacious capitalism that is at the heart of all this.
You are the product. They are taking all of their data. They are making as much money off of it as they possibly can, and with things like the Pentagon, they should go and if the check clears, how else is someone going to pay for their pet therapist, their shiatsus during lunch? Have you been to these campuses of these places?
GUTFELD: It's unbelievable.
SEXTON: It is wild. They are all like on bouncy balls and seeing different life coaches, it's craziness. That's expensive.
GUTFELD: Yes, they have foosball breaks, I believe. Joe, you know, the thing is, do they just want their technology available to search for better cat videos as opposed to actually saving lives?
MACHI: I don't know, Greg. I have to look up what rapacious means. But I think, Buck is right. If your company's slogan is, "Do no evil," why you even bring that up? That's like me telling a policeman, "You don't have to look in my truck."
But I think you're also right, Greg that they are already doing some bad things as it is. They are letting us spy on ourselves for them for free e- mail.
GUTFELD: It's true. But I love the free e-mail.
MACHI: It is nice.
GUTFELD: It is nice. No, I sit there and I go, "Why am I using Google e- mail? Why am I doing that?" It's because it's easy. I've accepted it.
SEXTON: And if you have an AOL e-mail, people judge you.
GUTFELD: Oh my god. I think I still have -- I still have geocities. I don't know what that is or Atla Vista.
SEXTON: I still use "Ask Jeeves" people don't even know how to get there too.
GUTFELD: I think Jeeves died in a horrible accident. Shut up. Patriotism apparently is no longer a virtue but a virus. A computer virus, perhaps. I know, are you going to disagree with me?
TIMPF: I actually, I think that there's nothing wrong with being antiwar, but in this instance, what this is supposed to do is make war less deadly and not kill civilians...
TIMPF: So supporting this technology is antiwar. That's what I think that they don't understand. The only thing that is scary is this government having this kind of surveillance technology in general. I think that when in doubt, you should always just be afraid of the government, at least a little bit.
GUTFELD: And the thing is, we are in an era where privacy is effectively dead. I don't know how we're going to get that genie back in the box.
TIMPF: But they will say they will just use it for counterterrorism, but I highly doubt that.
GUTFELD: Well, I am okay with it. I've already accepted that privacy will-- to paraphrase Nietzsche, is dead, that wasn't Nietzsche who said God is dead, I can't remember anymore. I can't keep my philosophers together in my head, but you are right. These drones are designed to basically fly over to the terrorist's house, not kill anybody over here and over here, but just wait, hover over and wait for the terrorist to come out to water his lawn because they do have lawns and then it just zaps you.
You can't have -- that's the best technology for war ever.
TIMPF: Right, the problem with war is that innocent civilians get killed. Not that terrorists get killed. What this is supposed to do is make sure that they're only killing terrorists.
GUTFELD: Exactly. All right, enough of that crap. Still to come, one third of millennials aren't convinced the earth is round. In other news, that's a lot of people.
Is it round or flat? Don't ask a brat. Results from a new study revealed a third of young American millennials aren't sure that the earth is round. Here's what 18 to 24-year-olds said when asked, "Do you believe the world is round or flat?" Sixty-six percent have always believed the earth is round, yippee.
Nine percent always thought that the world was round, but more recently became skeptical...
GUTFELD: Five percent always thought the world was flat but recently had doubts. Good for them. Four percent always believed the world is flat. And the remaining 15 percent said, I am not sure, but Greg Gutfeld is my father. Not true.
For more, let's check in with the young millennial for a comment.
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UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Come on, Snogs. Don't think about it. You've just got to go.
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GUTFELD: Well that earth was flat. All right, I compiled a bunch of facts that prove the earth is round because I had to, because I couldn't remember how you prove it, but I know that it is round, Buck.
SEXTON: Yes, well, when people tell the youth to fight the power, they don't mean Copernicus, right? I mean, there are some things we can look at here and all understand that we are on the same page, but I would say that people should have a better understanding of why it is they believe what they believe because for example, okay, we can all agree the earth is round, but you ask people about climate change and they will just say, because -- the answer really is because all the smart people say so, and that should never be your baseline of why you think something is or is not true. I did not think I would get applause for that by the way. That was nice.
GUTFELD: So, Buck just that the earth is flat. That is freaking out. All right, Kat, is this proof that either millennials are dumb or the earth is flat?
TIMPF: I love this story because I thought I was doing just okay and then I found out that so many of my peers believe that maybe the earth is flat and that's when I realized I am crushing it.
GUTFELD: Yes, you are.
TIMPF: I might be a little weird, I might think about reptiles a lot, I might have no plans except for eating mashed potatoes by myself after this is over, however I know for a thousand percent sure that the world is round. I am going to take this story, print it out, put in a frame and put it right next my bed so I can wake up every morning remembering what a star I am.
GUTFELD: Wow. Joe, where do you fall on this debate?
MACHI: I'm worried, Greg because it seems like this conspiracy that the earth is flat is picking up steam and I don't even know who that would benefit. The globe makers, I guess? The globe (inaudible)...
But, it just seems crazy to me because how many people you would have to have to keep that conspiracy going because you fly to China, you didn't get to an edge...
GUTFELD: Yes, you didn't. And you sent astronauts with pictures and they showed a globe, so this is a big conspiracy, Tyrus. Very big.
MURDOCH: This is what happens when you answer text questions with selfies. That's exactly what this is. They didn't read this. It is the earth, yes. Like this is the problem -- they just say things. They are like dogs chasing tires. They just do whatever. You said you were crushing it.
TIMPF: I am.
MURDOCH: You're the unicorn of the group.
TIMPF: Thank you, I knew it.
MURDOCH: Congratulations. The rest are sheep. Wait, am I stuck in my group
GUTFELD: You might be.
MURDOCH: Damn it.
GUTFELD: Yes, thank you very much.
MURDOCH: Well, there's two unicorns in everything...
GUTFELD: All right.
MURDOCH: So, the earth is round.
GUTFELD: Enough bashing unicorns, I think life world would be easier if the world was flat and here is why, think about how much easier it would be to throw stuff away.
MURDOCH: Just push it over the side.
GUTFELD: Just walk over and drop it off the edge.
MURDOCH: What if you live at the edge?
GUTFELD: No, but you know what? It's like, because the earth is round, you can never really throw anything away. It just goes...
TIMPF: You could docket it into space.
GUTFELD: Yes, but then, it just gets into this orbit.
SEXTON: And we will be a lot smaller for the purposes of asteroids hitting us. Think about it that way, a lot thinner.
MURDOCH: You know what, I'm so sick of you and your edge privilege.
GUTFELD: By the way, also, if the earth was flat, nobody could sneak up on you because you know, someone could say "Hey, later. See you later, Buck," and then walk away and then come all the way around because it's a globe and surprise you and stab you.
So, with flat, you know where everybody is. They can't get around you. You see. You see what I am talking about. Also, think of the mystery of the earth's underside. That will be like the coolest place to go. "Hey where you going?" "Oh, me and the wife, we're going to the earth's underside," because if it's flat there's got to be something underneath, right?
MURDOCH: New Jersey.
GUTFELD: New Jersey? That's right. They are clapping their own state's demise. All right. I think were done here. Don't go anywhere. Final thoughts, next.
GUTFELD: I will see you on Monday on "The Five" at 5 p.m. Eastern. Final thoughts, Buck?
SEXTON: Shameless plug, please download "The Buck Sexton Show" on iTunes. It's a radio show that I do but also has a phenomenal podcast with funny things.
SEXTON: And mostly serious things, but some funny things.
GUTFELD: Yes, with your name, you can't go wrong, Buck. Joe?
MACHI: Salt Lake City, I will be at "Wise Guys" this Thursday through Saturday, and at the end of the month, I'll be at "Yuk Yuk's" in Vancouver. I don't know if they showed this here.
GUTFELD: Well, who comes up with the names of these places?
MACHI: Not comedians.
GUTFELD: Not comedians. Tyrus?
MURDOCH: You could check me out on my Netflix series "Love." I have got to make a guest appearance on that and then I actually return to the ring next week on Impact on top where I smack around some dudes. Actually, I think they are Christian privileged people.
GUTFELD: Last word, Kat.
TIMPF: I spend more time thinking about mashed potatoes than I do about my loved ones and then I start to feel guilty, but then I just start thinking about mash potatoes again.
GUTFELD: Mash potatoes are fun to think about. All right, thanks to Buck Sexton, Joe Machi, Katherine, Tyrus, studio audience. I have got to go, but I love you --
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