Why I Could Be Athlete of the Year

Forget about the Associated Press naming Tiger Woods "Athlete of the Decade," guess who'll be Sports Illustrated's "Athlete of the Year"?

You're lookin' at him, sports fans: Cavuto. The cover; oggle and toggle, Tiger.

Oh, you didn't hear? Grizzled is the new chiseled; fat is where it's at.

Don't laugh.

If Ben Bernanke can be Time's person of the year for supposedly rescuing us from a crisis that many say he helped create and the president can get a Nobel Peace Prize for some lasting peace initiatives, to my mind, he didn't create, then create this vision in your head: Yours truly, swigging a six-pack rather than sporting a six-pack on the cover of Sports Illustrated.

And before you say, fat chance that'll ever happen, then take a fat old look around you. I mean, just what are the performance measures for these big honors today? Showing up? The president in office a mere nine days before the Oslo guys said, "We really like that guy. Let's give him a Nobel."

And the Fed chief: Love the guy, but to say his trillions of dollars in financial rescues for which our grandchildren and great grandchildren will be paying just to cover the interest warrant making him man of the year? Man, am I confused. That's like commending the guy who started the fire, simply for calling 911.

Look, I know these prizes are discretionary, but do they also have to be daffy? Time Magazine has got it right to say Ben moved the world. And maybe the Nobel crew accurately surmised Barack inspired the world. But what in the world?

The next thing you're gonna tell me is only big government spenders who have no idea how the hell they'll pay for all their spending, get prizes.

Oh, scratch that one.

— Watch Neil Cavuto weekdays at 4 p.m. ET on "Your World with Cavuto" and send your comments to cavuto@foxnews.com