It was as scary as it was seductive.
In the old days, when men wanted to get lucky they'd use the apocalypse as his wing man. The line, "Honey, what if the world ended tomorrow?" eliminated prospects for the future, so sex would occur in the present. And of course, the next morning, the sense of terror would be gone — along with the young man, the lady's honor and maybe her cat.
So it's no wonder that after President Obama's speech, I felt a little like the suckered chick.
See, up until Tuesday night, I was in a panic thanks to Obama. But now, judging by the tone of his speech to Congress, it turns out things aren't so bad. In the president's words: "We will recover."
Which to me sounds more like, "Hey babe, false alarm — I'll call you."
But I hope he's right. I still have confidence in the guy and I want to be wrong about this scary expansion of government. But the problem with exaggerating fear is that it obscures real fear.
When referring to Iraq, he talks of "ending" the war, instead of "winning" it. That scares me. And tucked away near the end of his address, he drops just a few words about terror, giving it less weight than windmills. But, if a terror attack were to happen tonight in the U.S., none of the economic stuff would matter. And you'd be truly scared.
Which probably means we should hook up. I mean, we only live once. I have a sleeping bag out back and a book of poetry. And don't worry, it's just a birthmark.
And if you disagree with me, you're worse than Hitler.
Greg Gutfeld currently serves as host of FOX News Channel's (FNC) The Greg Gutfeld Show (Saturdays 10-11PM/ET) and co-host of The Five (weekdays 5-6PM/ET). He joined the network in 2007 as a contributor. Click here for more information on Greg Gutfeld.