Anthony Bourdain spoke about having "things to live for" and feeling "reasonably happy" in what would be one of his final in-depth interviews before his death.
The celebrity chef was found dead of an apparent suicide early Friday morning in his hotel room in France. He was 61.
Bourdain told People in February he felt "some responsibility" to "at least try to live" after welcoming daughter, Ariane, now 11, with ex-wife Ottavia Busia in 2007.
"I also do feel I have things to live for," Bourdain said.
The food writer revealed he had contemplated suicide several times.
"There have been times, honestly, in my life that I figured, ‘I’ve had a good run — why not just do this stupid thing, this selfish thing… jump off a cliff into water of indeterminate depth,'" Bourdain told the magazine.
He added, "In retrospect, I don’t know that I would do that today — now that I’m a dad or reasonably happy."
Bourdain dismissed the idea of retirement and said he expected to die while working. The chef was in France to film an episode of his show when he apparently took his own life.
“I’ve tried. I just think I’m just too nervous, neurotic, driven,” he said of retirement. “I would have had a different answer a few years ago. I might have deluded myself into thinking that I’d be happy in a hammock or gardening. But no, I’m quite sure I can’t.”
He then added, “I’m going to pretty much die in the saddle.”
The outspoken star also spoke about being the happiest he's ever been after meeting "somebody really strong." He was likely referencing his girlfriend, Italian actress Asia Argento, who accused Harvey Weinstein of sexual assault in Ronan Farrow's expose in October.
"[I am] happy in ways that I have not been in memory...[and] "happy in ways I didn’t think I ever would be, for sure," he said in February.
He also praised Argento in an interview last week. He raved about working with his girlfriend on his show, "Parts Unknown."
He told Indie Wire in the interview published June 3: “Look, anytime I can get work out of Asia — even random suggestions... that’s a huge help to the show,” he said. “I’d love to have her a continuing director. I just don’t think we can afford her. But, my God, I’d love nothing more than to repeat the experience. She made it incredible.”
While speaking with People earlier this year, Bourdain went into detail about his struggle with being a recovering drug and alcohol user.
"I was a heroin addict, for sure, and I was a cocaine addict, for sure," he told People. "I never stopped drinking, even after."
He continued: "I think my last years working in the restaurant industry, I was definitely drinking too much because alcohol was around me at all times and you were under tremendous stress and people were willing to give you alcohol for free."
Bourdain admitted he had led a dangerous life at times. He said he visited places that were unsafe.
“I was, frankly, asking for trouble," he recalled. "It was a daredevil move.”
If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).