'Dancing With the Stars' Recap: Chaz Bono Falls, Nancy Grace Pops Top

In this image released by ABC, back row from left, NBA player Ron Artest, actor David Arquette, actor and Iraq War veteran J.R. Martinez, TV personality Rob Kardashian, activist Chaz Bono, seated from left, TV personalities Ricki Lake, Kristin Cavallari, singer Chynna Phillips, TV host Nancy Grace, Soccer player Hope Solo and Italian personality Elisabetta Canalis, the celebrity cast for the upcoming dance competition series, "Dancing with the Stars," pose for a portrait in Los Angeles. The series will premiere on Monday, Sept. 19, 2011 on ABC. (2011 American Broadcasting Companies, Inc. All rights reserved.)

Dancing with the Stars' 11 couples took on their second dance of the season with either the jive or the quickstep.

Let's see how they did, shall we?

Hope Solo and Maksim Chmerkovskiy: Jive
Soccer kicks and jive kicks have nothing in common, dontcha know? They're dressed in soccer outfits, and I have to say the best part of it is Maks' dorky knee-high socks. It's a good thing Hope looks super cute because she is, uh, hopelessly off-pace and out of sync. I really think she's just kicking an imaginary soccer ball. But that's not to say she's not putting in the effort. She's totally into it, but that's not enough if you can't nail the moves. Len loves it, but points out that she lost timing. Bruno says she lost it too many times and wants her to apply herself. Carrie Ann found her flirtacious, but agrees with Bruno.
Score: 19

Kristin Cavallari and Mark Ballas: Quickstep
Mark wants her to inhabit the characters now. Her character this week? Marilyn Monroe. Yeah, I'd never confuse Kristin Cavallari for Marilyn. Anyhow, Kristin has great rhythm and there's an effortless ease about the whole routine, though she could use more work on her lines. Naturally, Mark the Rebel mucks things up by choreographing a break in hold. Sigh. Bruno is bedazzled by the blonde bombshell and nearly decapitates Len complaining about the finish. Carrie Ann says it's stunning. Len says it wasn't as good as she looked and points out they illegally broke hold. Backstage, Mark says Len's right, but doesn't care. When does he ever?
Score: 22

David Arquette and Kym Johnson: Jive
The jive is the perfect dance for David, no? Kym wants him to stay calm and basically all David can do is sweat buckets. Does sweat seep through gold lame? Because if it doesn't, this is a fantastic clothing choice. David's a little tentative on the kicks and flicks, but he makes up for that with his over-enthusiasm. I heart David. Seriously. He's like a puppy that just wants to please, and you can tell he's trying so hard. Courteney loves it! And Coco caught his coat! (Please come every week, guys, OK? Thanks.) Carrie Ann calls it Carson-esque and wants him to take his energy to the lower part of his body. Len says the technique was MIA, but loves the energy. Bruno says he was a runaway train that got derailed.
Score: 18

Elisabetta Canalis and Val Chmerkovksiy: Quickstep
Um, can we first talk about the clear horn-rimmed glasses Val was sporting? And the black pair? I'm not even sure actual glass was in the frames, but they were both fantastic. If this is his thing, I'm into it. I hope he busts out all 64 colors like Crayola eventually. Glasses aside, we get our first broadcast "fight" of the season. Elisabetta's not getting the moves and Val's Maks-like temper surfaces. Elisabetta is way better this week than last. Her technique still needs work and there's not enough conviction in her steps, but her frame is good and she doesn't seem as nervous. Len says it was better than last week and keeps it at that. Bruno makes a car metaphor about grinding gears and some such. Carrie Ann crows about loving comebacks.
Score: 21

Rob Kardashian and Cheryl Burke: Jive
Rob is insecure about his weight and is worried about shaking his moobs on TV. Own your moobs like Simon Cowell, dude! Cheryl encourages him to go all out and he kicks a hole into the rehearsal studio wall. Insert weight joke here. I can't say a Hawaiian shirt makes anyone look thinner, but that's neither here nor there right now. The whole routine is a little on the safe side, but it's probably better this way for Rob. He's on beat and has some decent footwork. There's nothing spectacular about it, but there's nothing nauseatingly bad about it either. Kris and Bruce like it! Bruno says he made great improvement. Carrie Ann says it's official that Rob is a better dancer than Kim. Uh, we knew that last week. Len says it was a proper performance.
Score: 21

Carson Kressley and Anna Trebunskaya: Quickstep
The ballroom routines will be the true test for Carson. He tells Anna he got a D in gym in school because of his lack of coordination (I have to say, I never had a gym class that gave letter grades. Don't "pass" or "fail" suffice?), so he vows to put in more time. OK, so I think these two bathed in Crayola's 64 colors. Or at least the primary colors. Anyhow, Carson suppresses the crazy-pants part of him and puts on a restrained and utterly delightful performance. Problem is he's kind of flimsy and it seems like Anna's leading him at times. He needs to step it up technique-wise ASAP because he can only ride on personality for probably another three weeks. Carrie Ann calls it wobbly. Len says the worst dances on the show are the most fun to watch. Bruno says he was dancing on banana skins, but appreciates his hard work and the entertainment factor.
Score: 18

Ricki Lake and Derek Hough: Jive
Derek is challenging her with the choreography because he thinks she can do it, including sliding through his legs. And she does! This is definitely the best dance so far and a true jive — fast, snazzy and flirty. Ricki is sharp and attacking all the steps, not to mention Derek's belt. There are probably two twirls too many (perhaps to conserve Ricki's energy?), but overall, it's a fun number. Len was "disturbed" by a few steps. Oh, stodgy Brits! He wants more jive content, but says it was an improvement. Bruno says she was the first person to do kicks and flicks correctly tonight. "And you got to sit on Derek as well!" he says. Jealous much? Carrie Ann calls it the best jive of the night so far.
Score: 23

Chaz Bono and Lacey Schwimmer: Quickstep
The quickstep is Chaz's biggest fear and his knees are killing him. Lacey took out the flashier moves to make it easier on his body, but Chaz is worried he's going to pass out. He doesn't and puts on a decent number if we're just looking at his posture and frame. But the whole thing is not fast at all, which is a shame. Chaz definitely has potential, but if his body's betraying him this much in the second week, it's hard seeing him go all the way until the end. Bruno says it was like watching an Ewok dance with Princess Leia. Carrie Ann says his charm can't cover the fact he didn't dance fast. Len admires his determination, but says he moves faster through a car wash than Chaz just danced.
Score: 17

Chynna Phillips and Tony Dovolani: Jive
Chynna doesn't know left from right apparently and apologizes to Jesus for having to curse. Maybe that did the trick? She nails all the steps and busts out some sexy hip action. The number is cute, upbeat and technically sound, but doesn't match either Ricki or David's jives in exuberance. In any case, it's one of the better performances and I am still glad that Tony finally has a partner worthy of his talents. Billy thinks she's sizzling! Carrie Ann thinks she played it a little safe. Len says it was good, but not great. Bruno believes there's a sexy siren trying to come out from her.
Score: 21

Nancy Grace and Tristan MacManus: Quickstep
Nancy says she lacks confidence on the dance floor and completely shuts down in rehearsal, prompting Tristan to end the session right then and there. They kiss and make up the next day and suddenly Nancy has confidence! First things first, is her dress recycled from Carson and Anna's material last week? Loosen the purse strings, guys. Nancy is not completely attacking the routine, but she's holding her own and there's a quiet elegance about it. If you don't consider the fact that she was thisclose to a wardrobe malfunction about eight times during the routine. There are some odd cutaways as they walk to the judges' table of the audience sitting in morbid silence. I'm assuming it's from earlier footage since wide shots and the audio show everyone applauding, but it is hilarious to believe half the studio did not clap for her. Len calls it refreshing. Bruno calls it top-heavy. Carrie Ann was looking for more razzmatazz, but loves the teamwork.
Score: 21

J.R. Martinez and Karina Smirnoff: Jive
J.R. feels like he has to work harder to stick around despite topping the leader board last week because he's the least-known dude. Hard work pays off! Sorry, Ricki, you've been dethroned. This is the best dance of the night, fittingly the last one too. J.R. is just born to dance. He's a natural, loose, dynamic and stays completely in sync with the rapidfire pace. The crowd is eating it up. They do some flips for some reason though. Uh oh. Bruno says it was the most satisfying overall performance of the night. Lift Police Carrie Ann makes some primal animalistic sound because she has to dock a point for the lift. Len says they did a lindy hop and not a jive, but otherwise enjoyed it.
Score: 22

So Ricki and Derek win the night with 23 points, while Chaz and Lacey are last with 17.

What do you think? Who was the most impressive? Did J.R. and Karina deserve a higher score? Is Rob a better dancer than Kim? Will he ever own his moobs? Did you ever get a D in gym class? Do you covet Val's glasses? Were people really not clapping for Nancy? Who do you think will get the boot tomorrow?Chaz