Jet lag was never supposed to be a real disease in need of a “cure.”

It’s up there with carpal tunnel syndrome and sex addiction. You know, a fictive ailment of convenience — its presence, always self-diagnosed, immediately gets you out of a jam with complete absolution.

Think about it: Jet lag is the only admissible excuse as to why we’re grouchy, lazy, whiny, tardy, bitchy, tired, cheap, drunk, stupid, culturally insensitive, foreign phrase-mangling and/or generally unpleasant to be around when on vacation.

It’s kind of perfect.

But then, according to Conde Nast Traveler, some meddlesome men in white coats — unsurprisingly dwelling in joy-killing places like Palo Alto, Calif., and the like — had to go and start treating “desynchronosis,” using flashing light therapies, circadian system resets and other “body hacks.”

The latest in the war on jet lag is Singapore Airlines’ new Airbus A350 (making it the fifth airline to have them) — a plane that’s sized somewhere between its fatter older sister, the A380, and the smaller Boeing 787. As CNT reports, anti-jet lag weaponry aboard this “extra wide body” aircraft includes expanded economy seating — each 18 inches wide with 32 inches of legroom — larger 12-inch HDTVs to “decrease eye strain,” footrests and none of that annoying paraphernalia (probably life-saving things, but whatever) like “utility boxes” under the seat in front of you gobbling up said legroom.

The A350 is also ripping off what the rival 787 is already doing: tweaking cabin pressure, humidifying the air (to decrease dry skin and scratchy throats) and employing an LED lighting system that simulates phases of the day, all intended to help you “feel more yourself.”

Reportedly, Airbus has 783 orders from 42 customers for this plane. Which means we’ll soon have only ourselves, which we’re feeling more of, to blame for being idiots abroad.


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