So, Wednesday night, everyone had a State of the Union drinking game. Mine? Once Obama started talking, I drank.

See, to me, the speech was like one of those "serious" high school assemblies: you know, when a teacher finds out about a student defacing a locker with unicorn stickers, she decides we all need to sit in a humid gym and be told "it's okay to be different."

But in case you missed the speech, here's my summary:

"We face challenges, it's not my fault — but that's what makes us great."

Try that on a losing football team.

The point is, even though he never mentioned George W. Bush, he more than alluded to the poor guy, constantly reminding us how he inherited this mess.

Sorry dude, it's been a year. It's your mess now, and you're making it messier.

Obama also blamed his problems on vile partisanship. But how can that be, when one party rules everything? Mr. President, these are your people. The Republicans sleep under the overpass.

Don't blame them.

But, here's what drives me batty, like a big fat bat: Obama keeps bringing up these mysterious people who keep telling him what to do and what not to do. Which begs the question: Who's he talking to who keeps giving him this great advice that he keeps ignoring? Maybe he should listen to them once in a while.

But worse: he says, if you become a public servant, you'll be able to dump your student loans. This is not what I would call a rallying cry for a generation.

Anyway, what's with female Democrats? They dress like realtors. It made me wonder, do they also have their pictures on their business cards?

At any rate, I'm glad Biden got his whitening strips back. It helped deflect the gleam off his forehead.

Finally, I don't care how cool the president is, members of Congress shouldn't be scrambling for autographs.

It's not like he's Erik Estrada. No one is like Erik Estrada.

And if you disagree with me, you're probably a racist.

Greg Gutfeld hosts "Red Eye with Greg Gutfeld" weekdays at 3 a.m. ET. Send your comments to: redeye@foxnews.com

Greg Gutfeld currently serves as host of FOX News Channel's (FNC) The Greg Gutfeld Show (Saturdays 10-11PM/ET) and co-host of The Five (weekdays 5-6PM/ET). He joined the network in 2007 as a contributor. Click here for more information on Greg Gutfeld