Think you know everything there is to know about men and sex?
Given much of what we think we know is myth-based, you may want to think again. Men and women alike assume they know the "ins and outs" of a man’s libido, sexual antics and romantic pursuits simply because of what they’ve been told.
But when you stop to really digest and analyze what we’ve been brainwashed to believe about men’s sex lives, it’s easy to see that a lot of what we “know” is dead wrong.
1. Men can have sex anytime/anywhere.
Sure, there are moments in a man’s life when he’s seemingly in heat, ready for any ride. Yet such states are not his norm. A man’s emotional fitness influences his sexual health and satisfaction.
This emotional fitness is influenced by his physical fitness, for example, stress, fatigue or anxiety. His lifestyle also plays a role. Is he a workaholic? How he feels about his lover and relationship factor into his needs and wants. Then with age and experience, many men come to learn that they require an emotional connection with their lover. That makes for a hotter sexual connection.
2. Men are only romantic to please the object of their affection.
This notion can be broken down in a number of ways. Some men do in fact woo to please. Some woo to be wooed. Others enjoy the wooing more than the romance. Then there are those who use romantic efforts as a way to have sex, to seal the deal in a life-long partnership, or maintain a union.
Overall, his romantic pursuits support the hypothesis that romantic love is a motivation system designed to enable suitors to build and maintain a close relationship with a preferred mating partner. Any scenario highlights research findings showing that men may tend to be more unrealistically optimistic, believing that good things are likelier to happen to them than others, as reported in Daniel Amen’s book, “Sex on the Brain.”
This includes his sex life.
3. Men always prefer to initiate sex.
Really? Consider how much he enjoys being seduced. In “Sex in America: A Definitive Study,” R.T. Michael and colleagues found that 93 percent of men find appeal in watching their partner undress. Edward Laumann and colleague’s 1994 research on sexual practices in the U.S. found that 41percent of men use any form of erotic materials. And a great deal of erotica is created to seduce the viewer.
4. Men think about sex every 7 seconds.
If you do the math, this statement is ridiculous. Being awake for 17 hours per day, for example, would make for having sex thoughts more than 8,742 times a day. That doesn’t leave time for much of anything else, now does it?
5. He's better off living the life of a bachelor.
While living Playboy-style may hold its appeal, it’s not in his long-term interest. According to a 2006 study in the “Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health,” married people are healthier (and wealthier). Those who have never married run the highest risk of death in the U.S.
Researchers speculate that marriage acts as a buffer against negative factors that can decrease one’s longevity, like social isolation. Other research has found that marriage has health benefits for men, helping married men to outlive their divorced or widowed counterparts.
6. Men aren’t into kissing unless it involves a lot of tongue.
While the general thought is that he’s into French kissing in his pucker-up pursuits, a number of men like the softer, gentler smooches. In surveying 50,000 men, William Cane, author of “The Art of Kissing,” found that men adore 30 various kinds of kisses that don’t involve sticking a tongue down a throat.
7. After a certain age, he’s beyond manual stimulation.
A common belief, at least among the ladies, is that the sexually mature male is bored to death with any below-the-belt hand action. Part of this is due to the fact that men spend so much time with their own hands during quality solo time.
Yet that’s exactly part of what makes it so pleasurable – he has somebody else doing his job. He can just sit back and relax.
8. He wants to hit heaven as soon as possible.
Even when a guy doesn’t have premature ejaculation, it seems that he can’t wait to reach ecstasy. With his sexual excitement soaring, men have trouble holding back. This is often interpreted as “he can’t wait” to climax.
Yet, many men are well aware that holding off makes for a more intense orgasm. A number, too, would love to luxuriate in their lovemaking rather than rush through such magnificent moments.
Dr. Yvonne K. Fulbright is a sex educator, relationship expert, columnist and founder of Sexuality Source Inc. She is the author of several books including, "Touch Me There! A Hands-On Guide to Your Orgasmic Hot Spots."