Comrades, good news from the Western Front!
Our glorious revolution is starting to take hold on a global scale. Just listen as Comrade Brown pounded our propaganda into the minds of the clueless capitalists:
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BRITISH PRIME MINISTER GORDON BROWN: I say we should seize the moment — because never before have I seen a world willing to come together so much. Never before has that been more needed. And never before have the benefits of cooperation been so far-reaching.
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Oh, how right he is. Even a child knows that a collective is stronger than the individual. That's why you'll be so pleased by the good work of the agents we've planted inside our great worker organization, the AFL-CIO.
These workers have united at their winter gathering in Florida to improve life for you, the average worker, by touting our "card check system." And, believe it or not, the Americans are actually buying it!
Their fearless leader, Comrade Obama, has even promised these noble workers that he supports our bill.
Yes, comrades, the greatest Trojan horse we've ever conceived of might still work after all.
But we must stay vigilant!
Some capitalists are trying to save their failed state by thwarting the fearless leader's efforts. They say that secret ballots must be protected. You must not listen to their foolish propaganda: They only fear our united front.
Comrades, our time is now. We have them spending trillions to save their precious banks; we nearly have their census in the hands of the Great Leader; we have convinced them that those who cheat on their taxes are more important than the average person, so it should be ignored, and our very own agents in their Congress.
We are very close to our ruling party.
The destruction of the West is happening just as we've always hoped: not with violence, but with fear.
And the best part is that it's happening without fear of their true enemy: What they would call the red slavery of socialism.
The only thing worse to them than losing millions of lives is losing trillions of dollars. We have them where we want them and in their panic they will succumb.
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