A cat speaks: Cats are purr-fect and smarter than dogs – Study that denies it is cat-astrophically wrong

By an Anonymous Feline (as told to Cal Thomas)

The other day while using my litter box I noticed a story at the bottom about a study conducted by the University of Salford in Manchester, England. It said dogs are smarter than cats.

I laughed so hard that I nearly coughed-up a hair ball.

This kind of thinking proves how successful we felines have been in fooling humans. You humans are so ignorant of history you are repeating it.

What dog holds such a high place in history as cats?

Think of ancient Egypt. While on my laptop a few days ago (my human was asleep) and while simultaneously watching my favorite TV channel, Animal Planet, I found this on the Wikipedia website:  “Diodorus Siculus describes an interesting example of swift justice imposed upon the killer of a cat. About 60 BC, he witnessed a Roman accidentally kill an Egyptian cat. An outraged mob gathered and, despite pleas from pharaoh Ptolemy XII, killed the Roman.”

cat istock

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Has anyone valued a dog this highly?

And what’s all of that in the study about how dogs “talk” to humans by rolling over to have their bellies scratched? How undignified. Cats prefer to have their heads scratched and when we allow humans to do it we sometimes bite them just so they remember who is really, shall I say it, “top dog.”

The study also says dogs communicate with humans by barking. Are they kidding? A barking dog is one of the most irritating sounds one can hear, especially if it is in the middle of the night.

cat istock

 (iStock)

Cats purr, a delightful sound to humans and other cats. Purring communicates “contentment.” When a dog barks you never know what he means.

Something else. Do you know why dogs identify more closely with the Democratic Party and cats with the Republicans? Let me inform you.

Striped with white a cat. Striped not purebred kitten. Small predator. Small cat.

 (iStock)

We cats are independent. We don’t need a lot of things from others. Keep our food and water bowls full and the litter box clean and we are happy.

Dogs, on the other paw (pardon the pun) are in constant need of attention and must be taken outside and walked where they do their business on other people’s lawns, infuriating neighbors if that business is not properly picked up. Ugh!

A study wasn’t needed to learn the superior qualities of cats over dogs. What do you think the comic strip character Garfield was trying to teach you? Remember his dog-mate “Odie,” perhaps the dumbest dog on the planet? Odie couldn’t stop drooling (cats never drool) and always misunderstood what Garfield said to him.

Here’s all you need to know about Odie: His name came from a car dealership commercial written by cartoonist Jim Davis, which featured Odie the Village Idiot.

Enough said. The next study might focus on why cat lovers are smarter and superior to scientists.

Cal Thomas is America's most widely syndicated op-ed columnist. His latest book is "What Works: Common Sense Solutions for a Stronger America". Readers may email Cal Thomas at tcaeditors@tribune.com.