Todd's American Dispatch

S'mores no more? Feds wage war of culinary aggression

Todd Starnes on the USDA calling for Americans to remove chocolate and marshmallows and fire from the summertime snack.

 

I have disturbing news to share with you from our federal government.

The USDA wants Americans to remove chocolate and marshmallows and fire from our summertime s’mores. Instead - the USDA is suggesting we load up the graham crackers with strawberries and low-fat yogurt.

That's not a s'more. That's a fruit salad with an oversized graham cracker crouton.

Over the past six years the Obama administration has waged a War of Culinary Aggression against lard-loving Americans.

What kind of dystopian society have we become where a red blooded American cannot enjoy a graham cracker smothered in milk chocolate and topped with a slightly charred marshmallow?

Banning cupcakes and Ho-Hos. cheeseburgers and Cheetos.

Remember back in 2012 when Mrs. Obama served cabbage Sloppy Joes?

Last year the U.S. Forest Service tried to convince us that s'mores would taste better if we replaced the chocolate with banana chunks and the graham crackers with angel food cake.

It's culinary heresy!

And yet, according to Gallup, Americans are fatter than ever before. Twenty-seven percent of the population is obese. That's an all-time high. 

When President Obama said he wanted to fundamentally transform the nation -- was this is what he had in mind?

What kind of dystopian society have we become where a red- blooded American cannot enjoy a graham cracker smothered in milk chocolate and topped with a slightly charred marshmallow?

Friends, the federal government is breaking  a cardinal rule.

You don’t tinker with the Big Mac’s special sauce. You don’t add a twelfth herb to the Colonel’s secret recipe. And you certainly do not take the chocolate or the marshmallow out of a s’more.

Todd Starnes is host of Fox News & Commentary. His latest book is “The Deplorables’ Guide to Making America Great Again.” Follow him on Twitter @ToddStarnes and find him on Facebook.

TRENDING IN OPINION