I'm probably just like any one of the millions of tech freaks that can't wait to get the new Apple Watch around their wrists when this new gadget debuts on April 24.
I currently have one of everything Apple: iMac, iPhone, iPad, iPod, Apple TV. If it's an Apple product, I have one. And in the spirit of complete disclosure, I even own a few shares of Apple stock.
I must admit that having an Apple "wearable" device like the new Apple Watch opens the imagination to a lot more innovation. What will they think of next? In case Tim Cook and crew are looking for a few new "wearable" ideas, here we go:
1. The iEye. A wearable third eye that Velcros to the back of your head so you really will have eyes in the back of your head. Very useful when people want to know "Just where are you coming from?" Also helps in a rowdy cocktail bar situation when some drunk loudmouth wants to know "What are you lookin' at?" You can turn around, show him the back of your head and say "Certainly not at you, kind sir."
2. The iEar. Like the iEye, you can always use an extra one, Of course by manufacturing the iEar, Apple can also create a whole new fashion line of 3-eared ear muffs and headphones. The better to hear you with, my dear.
3. The iNose. Do I have to spell this one out for you? Really?
4. The iKnee. An electronic prosthesis that links to your iPhones' Google Map app and walks you automatically to your destination. (Just like your fingers used to do with the yellow pages.) The iKnee is not to be confused with the Hi-Knee which is a different thing altogether.
5. The iBoot. Like the iKnee, it's programmable to get you to your destination, only a lot faster. 7 Leagues at a stride! A League is 3.45 miles so, obviously, you will need a pair of these iBoots if you want you and both of your legs to arrive at your destination at the same time. (O.K. So, I borrowed this one from the Fairy Tale about The 7 League Boots. What are you lookin' at?)
And while Apple is busy inventing all of these new products, why can't they give the guy that names them a keyboard that will type an upper case letter "I?" Every device I've got starts with a lower case "i." I mean how did this company get to be the largest company in the world, setting the bar for innovative technology products and not own a correctly functioning keyboard? i don't get it.
Elliot Denniberg ran an advertising agency for 40 years and won four Emmy Awards and a Clio for television commercials. He lives in Maryland and Florida.