Dateline -- North pole.
This just in.
Santa freaking out.
You heard me right.
I've just gotten off the phone with the big guy himself, and I’m telling you...he is seeing red.
Yep, don't look now...but old Saint Nick...is ticked.
And he wants to know what the holly is going on?
His primary issue?
And all these states dashing through the snow to be the first in the nation to hold theirs.
At first, Santa telling me that he ignored all the fuss. Says he had heard the same talk before.
But then Florida moved its primary earlier.
Now New Hampshire starting to get antsy.
Each wanting to be first.
And each moving earlier and earlier to make themselves first. Even if it means voting on Christmas itself!!
That's when the big guy really blew a bulb!!!
And I quote:
"Hey, you ho'ho's!! Be careful what you're rushing! Because you're not only messing with the calendar, you are messing with folks' holidays, and you are messing with me!!"
Yep, he really said that, said there's no reason to intrude on the season.
So, all you states in a state? You ok with giving Santa, the stiff?
You ok with doing that?
You ok with telling him, "Speed it up, we gotta get this vote done?"
Well I want you to think about that.
And think about whether being first in the nation to vote is worth being first in the nation...for Santa to "forget."
...and let's just say, first in the nation on a certain package delivery night...to skip?
You're not there yet, but I’m telling you, Santa just let me know in no uncertain terms, he's very worried you're getting darn close.
So he says you better back the holly off...
Because woe to the state official who pushes to the front of the line...he's going to be last on the list.
Or was that "off" the list?
Now, I can't remember...because Santa just hung up so quickly.