Cocktails have always had some weird names, probably because people tend to be drinking when they name them. Even the classics feature a selection of bizarre titles – the Harvey Wallbanger, the Monkey Gland, Corpse Reviver. The list is long and illustrious, but compared to modern drink names, it's downright tame.
Modern mixologists seem to be engaged in a game of one-upsmanship to find the weirdest, most disgusting, offensive and downright bizarre cocktail names. Because while the cocktails tend to be on the potent side of the spectrum to match up with the often gross or obscene names, the best examples are also pretty darn tasty examples of the barman's art. Here are a few that manage to avoid an R rating.
Sex With an Alligator – There's nothing like the image of getting it on with a large reptile to prepare oneself for a good time. Named for the near day-glo green Midori on the bottom of the glass, this layered drink is almost as awkward as alligator wrestling tends to be. The sweet and sour Midori never quite jibes with the raspberry, and the Jagermeister tends to make its anise-flavored presence known in much the same way that a gator offers up love bites – with a bit too much enthusiasm. That said, the layered effect is a nice touch, and for anyone looking to impress with their skills as a home bartender, this is a relatively easy layered drink to start off with.
1/2 oz. fresh lemon sour (or sub in store-bought sweet and sour mix)
1/2 oz. Midori melon liqueur
1/2 oz raspberry liqueur (Chambord is the gold standard here)
1/2 oz Jagermeister
Mix the lemon sour and Midori with ice and strain into a large shot or lowball glass. Then pour the raspberry liqueur down the side of the glass or the back of a spoon gently, so as not to mix it with the Midori layer. Do the same with the Jagermeister and if you've done it right, you'll have three distinct layers and enough reptile sex jokes to last all night.
Duck Fart – It's not too surprising that the stranger or more disgusting a drink name is, the more likely it comes in a shot glass. While few are likely to be able to say with any authority whether ducks actually pass gas, let alone whether the aroma of the drink bears any resemblance to one, it's unlikely that duck flatulence smells anything like this combo of Kahlua, whiskey and Irish cream liqueur. If it did, then we'd see far more people seeking out scented candles and air fresheners carrying the same name. Regardless, this shooter is a tasty one – with coffee and caramel notes throughout and a nice creamy texture that coats the tongue and lingers like the proverbial silent but deadly things lingering around the duck pond.
1/2 oz. Irish Cream Liqueur (Bailey's is the easy favorite here, but Dooley's Toffee Cream also delivers a tasty dose of creamy goodness)
1/2 oz. Canadian Whiskey (Crown Royal is a solid standby that has just enough sweetness to pair well with the other ingredients)
1/2 oz. Kahlua
Mix all the ingredients together and then pour into a shot glass. Keep in mind, however, that duck farts, like human ones, tend to keep on coming once they start.
Gorilla Milk – Bringing to mind any number unpleasant images, this tall drink gets its name from its creamy texture and hefty dose of banana liqueur. It’s a mouth-coating treat, with only the heat of white rum to cut the creamy liqueurs and tailor made to be a liquid dessert. That said, for fans of sweet drinks it's manna from heaven and the only complaint they'll find is when the glass is empty.
1 oz. White Rum (Believe it or not, Tommy Bahama's silver rum matches perfectly with the banana liqueur)
1/2 oz. Kahlua
1/2 oz. Irish Cream (Again, Bailey's is tough to beat in this mix)
1/2 oz. Creme de Banane
1 oz. Light Cream
Add all the ingredients to a shaker full of ice and shake until frothy and chilled. Then strain into a cocktail glass and try to avoid the inevitable milk mustache.
P’d-Off Japanese Minnow Farmer – While some drinks are offensive, others must have been named under the influence of some amazingly powerful hallucinogenic compounds. The P’d-Off Japanese Minnow Farmer fits into that category nicely. Perhaps the strangest name for a drink in the history of mankind, this tall drink has virtually nothing to do with fish, pastoral lifestyles, or grumpy Japanese fish wranglers. It is, however, an even more potent twist on the Long Island Iced Tea, with a laundry list of booze that few drinks, modern or otherwise, can top. It's sweet, with a serious alcohol burn that largely negates any complexities or nuance, but amazingly easy drinking for what it is.
1/2 oz. vodka
1/2 oz. gin
1/2 oz. rum
1/2 oz. silver tequila (Herradura Silver adds a fresh minty flavor to the mix, which helps cut the sweetness a bit)
1/2 oz. Chambord Raspberry Liqueur
1/2 oz. Midori
1 oz. fresh lemon sour (bottled sour mix will work, but the drink won't be nearly as tasty)
Add all the ingredients to a shaker full of ice and shake hard. Not only do you need to chill the liquor, but it's important to dilute it a bit with the melted ice. Strain into a highball glass full of ice and top with a paper umbrella for the full effect.
James the Evil Leprechaun – Whiskey is one of the most popular choices for shots. Irish whiskey, oddly enough, tends to be the whiskey of choice in these cases. So if one Irish whiskey is good, it would stand to reason that mixing four Irish whiskeys in one shot glass would be at least four times better, right? That's the question James the Evil Leprechaun seems to have been developed to answer.
And while James may be evil, the shot ain't half bad if the right whiskeys go into the mix. It's spicy going down, but the sweet caramel characteristic of so many Irish whiskeys makes for a fairly harmonious combination.
Jameson is a requirement, of course. That's where the drink draws its name from. But the other whiskeys can be a grab bag of Irish pride – the pot of gold at the end of James' intoxicating rainbow, as it were. We've included some recommendations below, but feel free to take a whack at it with the shillelagh of your choice.
2 oz. Jameson Irish whiskey
1 oz. John L. Sullivan Irish whiskey
1 oz. Tullamore Dew Original
1 oz. Danny Boy Irish Whiskey
Pour all the whiskeys into one lowball glass and give it a good stir. Drop in an ice cube before you stir it to tighten up the flavors and add a little water to tone down the heat if you'd prefer. Then pour into shot glasses. You should have enough for five shots. Or one really big one, should you want to make James truly proud.