HEALTH

Sex column: Trapped in a sexless marriage? Put it on your calendar and watch it grow

Scheduling

 

Modern life is filled with responsibilities for both men and women. In most couples both partners have to work — add children, school, house chores, family time and social life and without realizing it plenty of them fall into the routine of a sexless relationship. 

As a way of solving this situation, some chose to schedule their sex life, as they would any other activity in their busy lives.

Getting into a pattern and keeping an active sex life will lead to a stronger connection between the couple and most likely to more/better sex.

- Trilce Ortiz

Even when the thought of scheduling sex between grocery shopping and the daily workout might seem like a total romance killer for some, clinical psychologist Glenda Corwin warns that not setting aside time for it can lead to the end of couple’s sex life altogether.

The idea that sex always has to be spontaneous is indeed very romantic, but often times very unrealistic. Just like anything else in the busy modern world, sex is something that requires dedication, attention and sometimes planning.

According to many reports, scheduling sex is the only way couples can sustain a long-term passionate connection with each other. According to author Laurie Gerber, having a good sex life while juggling with life’s responsibilities requires “more mental emotional, spiritual and physical work” than most people think.

In a recent survey by Elle magazine and MSNBC.com survey, over half of the 8,000 participants answered yes to the question of whether they schedule date nights for sex. And the good news is scheduling sex doesn’t have to be boring.

Scheduling sex is not exclusive solutions for tired, stressed or overly busy couples, it also works great for couples with miss-matched libidos. In those couples, the partner with the higher libido often feels rejected and unwanted, while the person with the lower libido feels pressed and inadequate. If sex is something a couple plans ahead of time, instead or relying on impulses, it becomes something both people want and look forward to.

It’s important to realize that as the honeymoon is over and time progresses, sex becomes less and less spontaneous. However, having a busy schedule should not be an excuse to dismiss such an important element of the partnership. Getting into a pattern and keeping an active sex life will lead to a stronger connection between the couple and most likely to more/better sex.

Prioritizing is very important. As much as “being busy” is a reality for most people, very often time is spent on things that are not as crucial or satisfying. Turning off the TV, skipping social media for a night or two and even turning off the phones are great alternatives to make more time.

Premeditated sex might take a bit more effort to be hot, but the alternative of letting weeks, months or even years without having any kind of sex life, might just be incentive enough to make it steamy and interesting.

Trilce Ortiz is a sexpert and love advisor. Follow her on twitter @trilceo.

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