When you’ve been in a relationship for a while, the passion can fall flat for the simple reason that you both know exactly what’s coming. It could be the best and dirtiest sex anyone has ever had, but it doesn’t matter—it’s the same as it was last time. It doesn’t mean you care any less about your partner, or find them any less sexually attractive, it just means you need to break the spell of sameness, and break out of your stale sex routine.
Admitting it's Time to Change Your Stale Sex Routine
Acknowledging that a change is needed is the first step in your recovery from a stale sex routine. Once you have both agreed to make an effort to do things differently, you can then plan it however you choose as a couple. Think of it as an investment in your relationship. All you have to do is talk. This is not a serious discussion—this is a fun discussion. Think of it as a sexual brainstorming session.
Your sexual partnership is part of a bigger whole, your relationship. So treat this exercise holistically. How willing is your partner to change their habits? How willing are you? How much effort will it entail? It’s about both of you as individuals facilitating change for the greater good of your love affair.
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Communicating About Your Sex Routine
The best relationships are kept alive by maintaining the passionate dynamic that gave birth to them in the first place. So, start at the beginning. Remember how you felt at the thought of being close to her, the things you did to woo her into your arms and keep her there? Did you weigh less? Did you make more of an effort in the way you dress? Did you spend a lot longer on lewd activities? Going back to the beginning allows you to recall the things that brought you together, and ensured you stayed together longer than five minutes. Be the man she fell in love with again.
A practical guide on this subject is difficult to create without the primary key ingredient: good communication. If everything is hunky-dory in your relationship, changing your sex life probably won’t be too much of a stretch. But you have to figure out what it is you want done differently, then talk it over in a fun, sexy way. Communication is key here, and if you get nervous and clam up, just remember who you’re talking to: someone who knows you very well and, above all, who’s attracted to you.
Inject Spontaneity into Your Sex Routine
Spontaneity is a key ingredient that is often missing from many sexual relationships after a while. The bed gets used all too frequently because it’s easy. But it doesn’t matter where you do it—sex can get stale even if you always have it in the kitchen. It might be in the same position with the same amount of foreplay, or lack thereof. Capturing spontaneity again is one of the key ingredients to breaking out of your stale sex routines, so whatever you normally do, don’t. In fact, go ahead and do the opposite.
Teacher and Student
Start from scratch one day. If you both pretend you’ve never had sex together before, you get a clean slate and can “retrain” your partner exactly how you want to. If you are like most couples, “the way you do it is just the way you do it,” and while that might be great, there’s always room for improvement. Take turns being student and teacher. This means it’s a game, not a “you don’t do it how I want it.” This is a golden opportunity to see, without shame, where you might be going wrong, or how you could be more right.
Have Adventures in Your Sex Life
Sexual adventures give you both a break from the norm, and may require some planning. There are plenty of classics like role playing with props and costumes, doing it in a different location and going on sex dates. All these ideas can be fun and, although maybe a little silly at first, they can really inject a new energy into your sex routine. However, it is important to involve the brain — our largest sexual organ — not just the pink bits. There are a range of games for couples where you can find out more about your partner, what they like, and you get to practice it — you may only need a pack of cards.
Read each other erotic stories, admit a fantasy to one another or watch an adult movie made by women, for women. You don’t know everything about her and vice versa, and fantasies evolve over time, so take advantage of this.
A New Lease on Your Sex Life
Spicing up a stale sex routine can be a challenge. It takes cooperation, energy and time. However, it’s worth it in the end. It allows you to communicate better with your partner and consequently deepen your bond, learn new things about each other when you thought you knew it all, and become excited about sex again. Start tonight—or even this afternoon.