How Not to Behave at a Funeral

Published May 08, 2017

Sadly, I've been to far too many funerals in my life. I've given far too many eulogies in my life too. So I think I'm somewhat qualified to remind folks about what funerals are all about.

They're not about the people looking at the box, but the person in that box.

They're about the voice now silent, not the voices still loud.

It's not about settling scores, but settling on a life's meaning.

Not yours, but theirs.

Not your speeches, their memory.

Not your digs, their depth.

The dead cannot speak for themselves. So tread carefully when thinking you can.

You do the dead honor, but acting honorably, not selfishly.

Don't assume you speak for their views, when you prattle on about yours.

Funerals aren't about prattling. They're about soul-searching.

All I know is that when you walk into a church or a synagogue, you aren't a Democrat or a Republican, a conservative or a liberal. You're a human being, there to remember another human being.

This is their moment, not yours. Their life, not yours. And their message, not yours.

So save the stump speeches for the rabid fans who might care. Not the dead, who clearly do not.

I think the one thing worse than speaking ill of the dead, is assuming you're speaking for them at all.

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