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DOJ opens criminal probe into Russia investigation
Published October 25, 2019
This is a rush transcript from "The Five," October 25, 2019. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
DANA PERINO, HOST: Hello everyone. I'm Dana Perino along with Kennedy, Geraldo Rivera, Lawrence Jones and Greg Gutfeld. It's 5:00 in New York City. This is “The Five.”
Get ready to learn some very bad things. President Trump reacting to major developments in a DOJ review of the start of the Russia probe is now a criminal investigation. The change is significant because gives U.S. Attorney John Durham the power to subpoena witnesses and panel grand juries and file charges.
We're also learning that Durham's investigation has expanded because of new evidence and he is very interested in talking to former Obama intelligence officials John Brennan and James Clapper. The president weighed in earlier.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
DONALD TRUMP, PRESIDENT: And it looks like it's becoming very serious from what I'm hearing. Investigate the investigators, whether it's Strzok and Page, whether it's Clapper and whether it's Comey and all of these people, because terrible things went on for our country.
And we have a great attorney general, highly prestigious man, a very honorable man and they've been looking at it for a long time. I can't tell you what is happening. I will tell you this. I think you're going to see a lot of really bad things.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PERINO: Geraldo, it is a significant development and the president is saying he's going to leave it to the attorney general, but he's giving all of these hints that he might have been told what's going on.
GERALDO RIVERA, HOST: Well, that is a probability I would guess, Dana. But the substance of the answer is that there are some night sweat epidemics going on in Washington right now. There are people who have been pressing this false narrative for over two years, this whole Russia hoax.
At some point they had to know there was no there there, and yet they carried on and issuing all of these subpoenas, all of these perjury traps, wearing, you know, hidden microphones into meetings with the president of the United States and his staffers, creating a climate of terror in the White House.
All of it false, the collusion narrative, the hoax for over two years and $45 million who were led down this path. You know, Russia, Russia, Russia, it became a bad joke. How the president maintains his sanity throughout this ordeal is a great mystery.
I think that the people that engineered this, the people who crafted this hoax, the people who drew the country down this -- into Oz will at some point have to pay the piper. I have no doubt.
PERINO: Wait. Did someone actually wear a wire inside the Oval Office?
RIVERA: Remember Rod Rosenstein said that he --
PERINO: No, but he said it was a joke like --
RIVERA: It was not a joke.
PERINO: No, but we're not saying that -- we're not saying here that somebody wore a wire inside the Oval Office.
RIVERA: How did they get General Flynn? How did they catch him?
PERINO: I don't have --
RIVERA: I mean, how did they --
PERINO: But I mean,, I have never heard that somebody actually wore a wire inside the Oval Office.
RIVERA: I stand literally corrected although my general point is well- made.
PERINO: That they leaked stuff, indeed. All right
RIVERA: That they entrap people. They did everything possible.
LISA KENNEDY MONTGOMERY, HOST: I don't even think -- I don't think Rod Rosenstein was joking when he said that. I think it's one of those things I think that's how you try and get trouble together. You go, how about the three of us get married. Just kidding, but I'm not.
I think that's what Rod Rosenstein was doing that. But now it's very interesting because I don't think he was trying to engage in any sort of new marital concoction, but what I am saying is there were forces working against the president and it's now looking as though some of these things that at one point in our very recent path we would call conspiracy theories are bearing out in a way that it's happening so quickly with such depth and breadth.
It's hard to wrap your head around. And you understand the forcefulness with which the president defends himself because he really feels like he was unfairly painted into a corner and someone really went after him. And I appreciate the tenacity with which Geraldo defends him, although, I feel like I was sitting next to Jesse Watters.
PERINO: Rod Rosenstein isn't apparently a part of the new investigation. Greg, they want to talk to James Clapper and Brennan from the Obama administration.
GUTFELD: You know, -- what I -- do you mind if I bash the media?
PERINO: Yes.
GUTFELD: I don't do it very often.
PERINO: Just for a change.
GUTFELD: I'm going to take a break. OK. I love how the media is saying, you know, this investigation to the Russian probe is just another conspiracy theory and they mock the Republicans for this conspiracy theory. It's like the real housewives of New Jersey calling you trashy, all right.
They've been pushing conspiracies for three years. They push them more than Mike Lindell pushes pillows. Here's the deal. This impeachment is predicated on the point that they know that they can't win an election so they're like the stupid kid who is terrified of failing a final.
So what does he do? He calls in a bomb threat. This is their bomb threat. This is their way of not facing the music, not facing an election. But there's good news here, I think.
I think the tide is turning against the Democrats because the process is so out of proportion to the infraction. There's so much effort to produce so little. It reminds me of the Oscars, right. It starts out interesting like you're watching the Oscars the first half an hour is great.
But when it's over, when the Oscars are over, you only remember one thing. How it went on too long, how bloated and grotesque it was, how pointless and how it wasted your time. That's how this process is going to look to America. The longer it goes on, the more likely the American public will detest it because you treat it like the Oscars, get it over with.
PERINO: And go to commercial break.
GUTFELD: Yes.
PERINO: Not yet.
LAWRENCE JONES, CONTRIBUTOR: I think the Dems have a big problem though because when you look at them, they're teeing up for what they've said that the DOJ has lost its independence. They said that this is political revenge.
And when I really look at it, they're against the good old boy system, right? And I don't mean to bash government workers, but within the Department of Justice, there is a good old boy system. They protect themselves.
But Jonathan Durham is not one of those guys. Durham is a guy that is one that has investigated them before, investigated the CIA before. And so this is a guy that was good enough for Holder, he's good enough for Trump as well, a guy that has bipartisan support, but has staked his career after going after corruption.
PERINO: He did, but on the CIA --
JONES: Correct.
PERINO: He declined. He said that they did nothing wrong.
JONES: And the CIA has lawyered up, which typically they're not -- right.
PERINO: Yes, but I'm talking about his previous investigation found no criminal wrongdoing by the CIA officers.
JONES: Right.
PERINO: All right. We have something else though because the battle over impeachment is still raging. Republicans have been demanding that the whistleblower testify publicly.
But now, Democrats are reportedly claiming that hearing from the whistleblower is no longer necessary. It comes as the left and the media continue to mock and attack the GOP after they stormed the closed-door hearing this week.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
KEITH BOYKIN, CNN POLITICAL COMMENTATOR: This looked like a Klan group that has assembled outside of a jail trying to get the sheriff to let them in so they could deliver their own justice against somebody who was inside. It's not a good look for our democracy. It's not a good look for the Republican Party.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PERINO: And AOC is joining in calling it a little flash mob of entitlement of privilege. Greg, they did a stunt. They're trying to make a point. They actually won the news cycle for the day. Did it look like the Klan?
GUTFELD: How can it be a Klan if there are no Democrats? It was all Republicans. I mean, I seem to remember the Klan was made up of Democrats. Look, you know what kills me about --
RIVERA: That's not (INAUDIBLE). This was racist. This was a racist comment. That man was a racist -- that was a racist comment.
GUTFELD: Yes, so it is. I kind of agreed, but what I find interesting, Geraldo, and I think you'll find this interesting as well --
RIVERA: Let me see.
GUTFELD: All right. When faced with real mobs, right, chasing people out of restaurants, going to people's homes, hitting Trump supporters. If you called them the mob, it was the media that called you racist. Remember, you weren't supposed to use the M word. That was only like two months ago.
But now, you see some guys and some women, politicians, lawmakers go to a meeting and they call that a mob of white people, the Klan. So you're right. I agree with you and you agree with me. Let's got get a drink.
RIVERA: Republicans should be more diverse, there's no doubt about it, but you get what the point is. The point is that there are a lot of Republicans who feel this process is grotesquely unfair.
GUTFELD: Yes.
RIVERA: And you know, I -- you know, they say it's about process. It isn't about process. It's about due process. The president gets due process. You can't do it in private. You didn't do it in private in '98. You didn't do it in private in '74 and they can't do it in private now. I say the president should do nothing to cooperate with these people unless and until they open those hearings.
GUTFELD: You should be his lawyer.
RIVERA: I feel very strongly about this. And to Kennedy's point that I sound like Jesse Waters, I think that all Americans should be offended by the fact that we sang this Russia dance for two and a half years and spent this money for nothing because they -- of what? The Steele dossier? The golden (inaudible)? What did they base this on in?
JONES: The problem is --
GUTFELD: Wait, what's that?
PERINO: I don't know what you're talking about.
MONTGOMERY: I like the Golden Corral. It's a wonderful buffet. My sister loves that restaurant so much.
PERINO: Yes.
MONTGOMERY: So does my grandmother.
PERINO: They're going to have public hearings in November.
JONES: Well, they're going to have public hearings but I think this is a time for Americans and lawmakers to re-evaluate their past decisions. Everybody loved the FISA court. For so long, Republicans and Democrats rallied around for the FISA court when many libertarians said don't trust that court, right.
PERINO: Yes.
JONES: It's not enough -- see, me and you disagree on that. But there's no due process. And so now we have instances like this where Americans are spied on, a sham investigation, and all they could say is, look, at least we go a warrant from the FISA court.
PERINO: Well, we do know --
MONTGOMERY: That's what they need.
PERINO: -- is that Michael Horowitz, the inspector general at the Department of Justice says, I think it's probably within the next couple of weeks or so that we're going to have his report that focuses only on the FBI's role and the Justice Department's role.
MONTGOMERY: Yes, but now -- OK, but now it's very interesting because there are Republicans who are conveniently talking about things like the deep state and talking about the surveillance apparatus in a way that they're offended by, yet they were the ones who allowed the state to get this bloated.
And they realize people in power, all you have to do is set a couple of traps in secret -- this is completely opaque. We have no idea how this court works. We really don't know how the application process works or what kind of oversight they have once an application is OK and you can essentially --
PERINO: Well, maybe they'll change some policies and procedures
GUTFELD: Well, the other thing too is, doesn't it --
MONTGOMERY: Libertarians have been begging Republicans to do that for years.
PERINO: I know, but -- there might -- we don't know what the results of this or maybe there was a problem with this particular one. I don't think that means that the entire FISA court process of which has been very useful in terms of protecting national security should be thrown out with like --
MONTGOMERY: I think we could audit it and open it.
JONES: There just has to be a different way. And also, where is the FISA judge? Where is the FISA judge? What you are lied to -- you are lied to --
RIVERA: No. If the judge was lied to -- but if the judge was lied to --
JONES: Bring him back in.
RIVERA: Well, that's what the investigation by the I.G. will uncover.
JONES: Yes. The judge also has the authority to do it.
RIVERA: I bet they did wiretap the Trump Tower. We could see it.
PERINO: Well the Trump Tower is different than the Oval Office. Yes.
RIVER: I bet they did wiretap the Trump Tower. I bet all of the -- all of the paranoia will come true.
GUTFELD: Yes. I'm just interested in like how convenient is it not to need the whistleblower anymore? The whistleblower shows up, blows his whistle and then they -- so what they need is an impeachment
MONTGOMERY: New investigation.
GUTFELD: -- to find the crime that the whistleblower announced. So now that they have the crime, the whistle-blower can leave.
PERINO: I think the whistleblower was a FISA judge.
GUTFELD: And that's who it is.
MONTGOMERY: I think its John Bolton and his in cahoots with Adam Schiff.
GUTFELD: Yes.
RIVERA: I think it's a professional Democrat. I think it's a media matters type person.
JONES: That's right.
PERINO: We don't know, but we know that Hillary Clinton reportedly wants in on 2020 but some Democrats are saying oh, no, not so fast. That's next.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
RIVERA: Welcome back to our 2020 roundup. Senate Democrats warning Hillary Clinton do not do it. Senator Clinton reportedly considering a rematch with President Trump and her old colleagues in the Senate making it clear they don't want her to run. They say her time has passed and it would be a big mistake. Wouldn't it, Dana?
PERINO: Well, they're trying to be super polite. If you read some of the quotes from the senators like, you know, I think our field is pretty set and you know maybe we should move on, but pretty much if you read between the lines, it's like, heck no, lady. Like, please just move on.
I talked to one very senior Democratic adviser who is not affiliated with any campaign this time around. And I said is this really true? And he said, ultimately he does not think that she will run but that right now she is talking to everybody and I was really stunned by that.
RIVERA: What's a young people think about Hillary Clinton coming back?
GUTFELD: Well, that's a good question. Talk about ages, Geraldo. My god.
JONES: That was good though.
GUTFELD: What's a person of color, Lawrence?
JONES: Yes, right. That is actually good because this goes to the point I was getting ready to make. She's going to depress the vote if she considered going in, right? Because there are a lot of people that -- even when Obama came out and said the black votes. Get out there -- and women -- get out there and vote.
RIVERA: They didn't.
JONES: They didn't show up. They didn't show up in large numbers, and so her considering this I think goes back to her bitterness. She really believes that she was robbed of the last election. She really does. She believed like the Russians and James Comey and everybody was against her.
And she didn't get a fair shake because she was a woman. And all of these forces were going against her. She does not accept that it was the American voters.
RIVERA: But she was robbed in the sense the Electoral College robbed her.
MONTGOMERY: No, but that darn constitution. Oh heck! Man, we have to play by rules now? Yes, that was very inconvenient for her and she should have paid a little bit more attention to the Midwest like her husband told her to. Like those horrible Trump-voting women, their husbands told them to vote for Donald Trump. That was one of the excuses that she listed.
So my mom voted for Hillary Clinton. She's a life-long Democrat and she did it holding her nose. She -- sorry mom, I outed you. But she doesn't really like her.
And I'm wondering how other women like my mom and other voters would feel about Hillary getting in the race and elbowing Amy Klobuchar and Marianne Williamson and Tulsi Gabbard and Liz Warren out of the way so she can dive for the tiara. I would love to see her run because I would love to see her lose.
RIVERA: What was your instant reaction when you heard it?
GUTFELD: I've always said -- I thought she was going to be like back in because she doesn't want her obituary to be "lost to Donald Trump, but also lost to Donald Trump twice." So that's a problem.
Here's my thing, people do this to me all the time what the Senate did to her. I'll go hey, I'll go to my co-workers. That's like a really fun party you're throwing. You know, you'll hate it. You'll hate it. Don't come.
There's no way the top three are stepping aside for her. I believe Biden gets the nod, chooses her as V.P. and then he drops out.
RIVERA: OK, I'd still go with conspiracy theory. New details emerging on Hunter Biden's overseas business dealings as his dad, Joe Biden, takes a shot at President Trump's family.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
JOE BIDEN, D-PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE: My children are not going to have offices in the White House. My children are not going to sit in on cabinet meetings. His children, his son-in-law, et cetera, engaged in the day-to- day operations of things that they know nothing about.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
RIVERA: I said this on "Fox and Friends." Let me lead this off. You know, I visited with Ivanka Trump and with Jared Kushner in the White House. They work for no money, they're highly skilled. Ivanka has got a million different things going on with women's rights and recognizing the rights people of color and so forth.
Jared, talk about that, criminal justice reform. He helped get that through --- the whole moving of the embassy in Israel from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem. They're real high functioning people and they were there for their dad at a time when he didn't trust anybody with the rats and the snitches and the back stabbers and the vipers in the West Wing, but you know, what about kids working for their dads?
MONTGOMERY: I think Joe Biden is being completely honest and I would never have one of my kids work in the White House because there's no way they could make as much money as they could from some of these sweetheart deals in Ukraine and China and Romania.
And god knows where else in the world. Hunter Biden has worked everywhere. I mean, he literally could write a tourist brochure of D.C. and all the bureaucracies because the ways his dad has helped him on. I'm not saying it's illegal. It is a little --
JONES: It's shady.
MONTGOMERY: It is a little shady.
JONES: And the other Democrats, and I've been across the country talking with voters, but all the other candidate's supporters care about this issue. It's only the Biden supporters that don't care about this issue. I mean, other candidates want to attack him on this issue.
And I'm here to tell you, if they're just going to Kumbaya it, he's going to win the nomination, right? If you look at -- Biden is definitely going to win the nomination. They should hammer him on this issue. When we look at the --
RIVERA: Aren't they?
JONES: No, they're not. And when you look at the Republican primary back in 2016, it was a bloodbath, right? There was no playing nice. They went very personal and it took a lot of repairing afterwards. If the Democrats really want -- if the other people really want to have a shot at this nomination, they got to attack him on this issue.
RIVERA: But all kids, Greg, are not created equal.
GUTFELD: Thank god for that because I --
RIVERA: And you're only as happy as you're unhappiest kid.
PERINO: -- more equal than other kids.
GUTFELD: Yes. If I had -- if I was president and I had kids, I would make them work in the White House as janitors and I'd berate them in front of the staff.
RIVERA: Learn the business.
GUTFELD: Look, Biden is getting covered in impeachment blowback. I'm sorry. If you want to undo an election, you're going down with the Schiff.
MONTGOMERY: Oh.
RIVERA: You're going to go down with the Schiff.
GUTFELD: Yes. Thank you.
RIVERA: And I'm in trouble for golden --
GUTFELD: Schiff.
RIVERA: So what about it, I mean --
GUTFELD: Where is the swear word in this?
RIVERA: Hunter versus Ivanka and Jared. Do you see them as all equal?
PERINO: No. No. Also, I don't like people's children being used as pawns in all of these, right.
GUTFELD: Unless it's a chess board.
PERINO: Yes, and that would be fun.
GUTFELD: Yes.
PERINO: That would be like really fun if we do that.
GUTFELD: Yes, use them as pawns.
PERINO: I also think it's interesting. Joe Biden, he has actually expanded his lead in the last month because other Democrats have not attacked him and Trump has done it. It's actually not working in terms of --
RIVERA: So Trump is elevating Biden.
PERINO: Well, yes, but also the Democrats who also I assume they want to win the nomination they're just taking a pass and not going after him on something that is quite vulnerable.
MONTGOMERY: When do they switch though?
PERINO: I'm not sure but Joe Biden hasn't done hardly any interviews at all. I'm really just surprised. This is the first interview he's doing as in "60 Minutes" and usually you tease out your most newsy sound bite on the Friday, and this it?
RIVERA: That's pretty squishy.
PERINO: That's not a lot.
JONES: Because he doesn't have to.
RIVERA: There's a hefty price tag if Elizabeth Warren does win the -- beats the odds and wins the nomination and the presidency and enacts her plans like these.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
ELIZABETH WARREN, D-MASS., PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE: That's why I support Medicare for all.
I've got plans. I've a $2 trillion plan. I've got a $1 trillion plan
Universal child care, paying for college kids and student loan debt.
And yes, I'm willing to get out there and fight for it.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
RIVERA: Who's estimate, Kennedy, is this $4.2 --
MONTGOMERY: Yahoo Finance.
RIVERA: Yahoo Finance estimating $4.2 trillion per year if Elizabeth Warren's proposals are enacted into law. That would about double the current level of the deficit which already hit the trillion dollars.
MONTGOMERY: No, that doubles spending. I mean, that doesn't even touch what will happen to the deficit.
JONES: Can we stop calling it the plan though?
RIVERA: Like plan, but she has a plan.
JONES: No, it's not a plan. If you don't know how you're going to pay for it, it's not a plan. You're just throwing stuff up. It's an idea, but if you don't know -- and everyone keeps patting her on the back.
RIVERA: It's a nice idea though.
JONES: Yes. Everybody keeps patting on her back. Oh, she has so many plans.
RIVERA: I like the idea of it. I mean, it's nice.
MONTGOMERY: Taking care of people, that is nice. Government usually does a pretty bad job of it though.
GUTFELD: In a left-wing world, money grows on trees and the trees are people, you know. And a junkie never intends to rob his family or his friends at the start. They always end there.
They would run out of their stash and they run out of their cash. Left-wing junkies are addicted to our money. They start with the rich and they end with the poor.
RIVERA: What about right-wing junkies that pass tax proposals that only benefit the rich?
JONES: Oh, come on.
GUTFELD: They don't.
PERINO: Who did that?
GUTFELD: Taxes benefit everybody, Geraldo. Tax reductions.
RIVERA: And tax cuts.
GUTFELD: Tax cuts.
RIVERA: At the highest income levels?
MONTGOMERY: Fine. Go for it.
GUTFELD: Why not?
PERINO: Cut away. Trim, trim, trim.
JONES: That's also not spending. That's giving your money back.
RIVERA: Bruce Springsteen attacking President Trump over what it means to be an American. That's next.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
TRUMP: And I didn't need Beyonce and Jay-z. I didn't need little Bruce Springsteen and all of these people. They got all of these people.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
TRUMP: That was President Trump mocking celebrity endorsements like when Bruce Springsteen backed Hillary Clinton in 2016. Now, the boss is hitting back with this dig at Trump.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN, MUSICIAN: We're living in a frightening time. The stewardship of the nation has been thrown away to somebody who doesn't have a clue as to what that means. And unfortunately, we have somebody who I feel doesn't have a grasp of the deep meaning of what it means to be an American.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
JONES: Greg, you were in the celebrity world with them.
GUTFELD: I am a celebrity.
JONES: Do they actually believe that you're --
GUTFELD: I'm a world -- Lawrence, I'm a world class celebrity and I'm a little insulted that you didn't say that from the start.
JONES: Right. Do they believe that they have this much power?
GUTFELD: No, but here's the thing. It's had for Bruce Springsteen because his persona is a blue collar man of the people and Trump is actually a bonafide populous folk hero.
And it's like there's a lot of overlap between Springsteen's audience and pro Trumpers and it's driving him crazy. And it does bug them that their popularity is being marginalized by Trump.
If you're as popular as Springsteen or anybody you're wondering why doesn't counter at the rise of this narcissist enemy it's not, it's kind of just bothers him and say what if I'm chopped liver?
MONTGOMERY: No. Frankly.
GUTFELD: Thank you, Kennedy.
MONTGOMERY: And the cultural delicatessen you are not back to you Lawrence.
JONES: Isn't it at present Trump talks their language. They are like he is this rich guy but he speaks on various small by--
RIVERA: Can I just take it the other side, Bruce Springsteen was my neighbor in New Jersey. Our kids went to school together. We were there live there on 9-11. Our community was the most stricken community per capita in the world. What he did to help that community was really amazing.
He's right about - I think the right generally Republicans and President Trump losing sight of something very crucially American. I think when the President said he was going to ban all Muslim immigrants when he separated immigrant families at the border, those things were fundamentally and I agree absolutely Bruise Springsteen, they're un-American. That's what Bruce--
GUTFELD: And they kept it--
RIVERA: I don't get that what?
GUTFELD: No, I mean, if you have a problem with children traveling with people that are not related to, you have to do some separation. If you don't like the process. I don't make it. Obama did the same thing.
RIVERA: These were two black marks on the Trump presidency that history will come to regard and Bruce brings it and he is right to point them out.
JONES: Let's get you - a lot of people don't care about his personality. They care what he delivers on right?
MONTGOMERY: Yes, that's actually true. And you know the President very well. I would say that--
RIVERA: And I love him, too. He's not perfect.
MONTGOMERY: He's not perfect tonight. I take issue with--
GUTFELD: That's where you're different from Jesse. He would have said perfect.
MONTGOMERY: He would. Right now he's crafting a sculpture of the President's name. It's beautiful. It's like Lionel Richie's hello. He is doing with his--
RIVERA: And Lemon Sorbet.
MONTGOMERY: It's a perfect likeness, it's lovely. The President says a lot of things and says a lot things that I don't agree with and I don't like that I think are beneath the presidency. I wouldn't say that he doesn't understand America or that he's not an American. He does embody the American dream.
You know, here's someone who did what he loved for a long time, did very well at it and now he's President of the United States against all odds. Whenever he goes out to these rallies, one of the reasons they're so well- attended, is because he talks directly to people about his dream and about his aspirations. That resonates. For people who demonize them like Bruce Springsteen who are so ready to call him a moron, you should operate with a little bit more curiosity--
RIVERA: He shouldn't go for the short money. Sometimes he goes for the short money--
JONES: Kennedy is right. I've been in all these rallies and these people - They're average day people. They love the President.
PERINO: Well, I think that for entertainers they could make a choice and I admire the people who decide not to in Nashville, in country music for the most part, you could imagine, they have a wide audience a lot of diverse audience. They want to keep it. They almost never talk about politics. They're there to lift and entertain. That's what they do.
JONES: Well, don't go anywhere. The fastest seven is coming up right next on THE FIVE.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
MONTGOMERY: The right step is right here and welcome a back to a time for the "Fastest Seven". First up, are you frustrated because you've been deleting your e-mails all day? IPhone, the update has people fuming. They're accidentally deleting critical e-mails. Our very own John Roberts got ensnared in this new trap. He tweeted who at Apple thought this was the best positioning for the trash icon and e-mails? He's really gone through the roof. Lawrence?
JONES: Well, as you can say I'm a forever IPhone guy. The new one comes up, I trade it in. I love it. The only thing we want is the camera. Instead, they keep updating everything. Just update the camera and keep the phone the same way and they would make everybody happy.
MONTGOMERY: That's a way of saying I'm as good as Steve Jobs.
PERINO: I hated the update for 24 hours but human adapt. Now I haven't accidentally deleted an e-mail in days.
MONTGOMERY: You know what the fix is which I didn't know? There's a setting where you can go in and have it ask you before you delete e-mails.
PERINO: Oh, I hate that setting now.
RIVERA: Oh, I can't find that little icon. I'm constantly searching for it, I can't find that. I hate this.
MONTGOMERY: You probably don't have the update.
GUTFELD: It's probably somebody in a hospital right now about to get butt surgery and watching us complaint about our icons and throwing crap at the TV. Apple, a little notice would have been nice like you don't change the locks on the house without telling somebody.
MONTGOMERY: Well, you if they're just saying ordinary.
PERINO: That customer should not be guinea pigs. They should figure that up before hand.
MONTGOMERY: I couldn't figure out why I kept deleting e-mails. What did I do? Did I offend somebody? I don't know where it went. How good is the camera on new?
JONES: It's amazing. I'll show you.
MONTGOMERY: Portrait mode?
JONES: Lets you get far away. My camera is off because the show is on.
MONTGOMERY: We could be cake toppers. All right, we're all guilty of this next nine and 10 employees - Gregg was so guilty of this. I can't wait to talk about it - admit coming to work while sick. People say they're worried about the hefty amount of work on their plate plus they want to save their sick time. That should be called vacation time. We're talking about what it means to be an American. Americans work. We trudge through. If there's a difficulty, we will overcome it. You said you like being the infector monkey.
GUTFELD: I do. I love to like to get early seven to eight people on my sick every week. I'm curious if this has ever happened to any of you and viewers at home. When you feel really sick and right after you call in sick, you feel better and then you feel guilty about staying at home. This - or else when you go to the doctor and you're in there and none of the symptoms are there and you're like crap and then you go home and the symptoms return, what is going on with that?
MONTGOMERY: It's probably an IPhone update.
RIVERA: I got a massage this week and the guy had the sniffles.
GUFELD: I paid extra for that. Trip it on my back.
(LAUGHTER)
MONTGOMERY: Do you work when you're sick?
PERINO: Well, I think, yes.
JONES: Do you shake hands?
GUTFELD: She work through stabbing ones.
PERINO: Remember when I had pneumonia and you diagnosed it? I was coughing for six weeks. But I think the problem is by the time you're actually are full blown sick, you've already infected everybody anyway. So you may have got to keep working.
MONTGOMERY: Greg had a condition called Costochondritis and that is an inflammation in the lining in your sternum the cartilage. Feels like a heart attack.
JONES: I don't like everyone normalize. Everyone is OK with people being sick. I don't like it. You guys are worse than the plane people. Get on the plane, take your shoes off.
PERINO: I don't take my shoes off on a plane.
JONES: You come to work sick and get everybody infected. I have a good immune system.
MONTGOMERY: You're lucky. Those that are immune compromised--
PERINO: Also I learned that viewers don't like to watch it when you're sick. Make them uncomfortable.
GUTFELD: I too agree with Lawrence. I also hate plane people.
JONES: And you're just like them with the sickness.
MONTGOMERY: Stay home and spoon everywhere. Finally this fat cat boycotting her morning workout that something that we can all relate to.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Are you working out? Oh, good girl. That's good work.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
MONTGOMERY: That sucks.
PERINO: That's what I - if I was a cat and I was in water - cats don't like water.
MONTGOMERY: No, they don't.
PERINO: Water aerobics is the worse.
MONTGOMERY: And they're flagging it. That's the only of learning it not eating.
GUTFELD: The guy talking just ruins the whole thing for me. That's why I mute all my videos. I want to watch the cat do its thing. I don't need like somebody going yes, baby.
MONTGOMERY: Did you bring this to the producers from your categories?
GUTFELD: Yes, that's how you do it. Probably other leg. Disgusting.
MONTGOMERY: Lawrence, you love working out.
JONES: Yes I do.
MONTGOMERY: You walk around here with your shirt off a lot.
JONES: I do. The ladies love the best of it.
MONTGOMERY: Some of the fellows, too.
JONES: I think this is weird though. Obviously the cat is in this position because the owner kept feeding it and feeding it instead of a strict diet. Now he's in water. I don't like cat but that's pathetic.
MONTGOMERY: The cat was essentially taken away by the vet - cats don't get fat on their own. They can't drive their Miata to the grocery store and load up on Twinkies and pork chops. I'm sure they wish they could. They have to be fed to get that enormous.
JONES: It's sad. I actually feel sorry for the cat.
PERINO: Cats are hostages.
RIVERA: Tired of these fat cats. I keep thinking of that commercial with the 70 million years of tiger DNA waiting to screw your house off--
MONTGOMERY: All right. Fan mail Friday is next. Stay with us.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
GUTFELD: Some of these work, some don't. This is fan mail. What is the cheapest thing about you? Interesting question, Dana.
PERINO: Like things I don't like to spend money on?
GUTFELD: Right.
PERINO: Probably food.
GUTFELD: Yes.
PERINO: I'm not very frugal. That's a problem I should have been more frugal.
GUTFELD: You don't even know how much things are, do you? Kennedy?
MONTGOMERY: I'm a very, very good bargain shopper for food. My mom was a coupon clipper. I shop at trader Joe's religiously.
RIVERA: Now come to my house.
MONTGOMERY: All right.
RIVERA: I roll up the toothpaste to get all of the toothpaste.
PERINO: I do, too.
GUTFELD: It's hard to throw away toothpaste if you know there's something in there.
MONTGOMERY: And I love dollar tree.
JONES: Because I grew up poor, I like everything off brand except for clothes. Everything else is fair game clothes and shoes.
GUTFELD: I buy my food off the street, ribs and chicken. I enjoy doing that. This is a fun question from Sandra. Do any of you remember your first plane ride?
PERINO: Yes.
GUTFELD: And where were you going?
PERINO: Washington D.C. I was 7 years old. My dad had a conference. He was in human resources. H.R. was different but then. He had to go to Washington D.C. and that was back in the day when you could take your family with you. So that was my first trip to Washington.
GUTFELD: Lawrence?
JONES: Mine was D.C. as well. I'm actually afraid of planes; you don't--
MONTGOMERY: And you're afraid--
RIVERA: Are you afraid of planes?
JONES: I flew three or four times a week. I conquered the fear.
GUTFELD: What do you do?
JONES: Correspondent work for the network.
GUTFELD: Joe, I mean, what you do on the plane? Have a cocktail?
PERINO: To get over the anxiety.
JONES: Drink.
MONTGOMERY: Drink?
GUTELD: Yes, that's the worst.
RIVERA: I was flying to my grandparents in Puerto Rico. I was 15-years-old I didn't speak a word of Spanish. By the time I came home at the end of the summer I was fluent in Spanish.
MONTGOMERY: Very good.
GUTFELD: Kennedy?
MONTGOMERY: My first trip was to Hawaii when I was 5. In order to go, I had to get rid of my imaginary Fannies, the Connie's. And Mr. Connie worked at Techtronic and Misses Connie had 100 children for him. So I was racing one of the Connie boys one day and got a nail stuck in my kneecap. I told mom I was raising the Connie boys. She said is that a neighbor I don't know about?
GUTFELD: My first plane was a seaplane in Lake Tahoe. I was like six years old. We crashed. I survived. RIP Captain Stevens. And what do you want to you remembered for? I'm going to Geraldo.
RIVERA: Well, obviously the institutionalization of the developmentally disabled. That's my big crusade. I'm still very active in it.
GUTFELD: I'm against that but OK.
RIVERA: No, you're against it for the mentally ill. Not for the developmentally disabled.
GUTFELD: Got you. What do you want to be remembered for, Lawrence?
JONES: I don't know. I guess like being nice. I am.
GUTFELD: It's actually nice.
JONES: Like a people's person. I want to be--
GUTFELD: Kennedy?
MONTGOMERY: I'd love to be remembered for my love of freedom and hopefully inspiring other people to embrace and love freedom on their own terms.
PERINO: Very serious.
GUTFELD: Yes.
PERINO: I was going to say Jasper's mom.
GUTFELD: I thought you were going to say Queso.
PERINO: That too, that will never die. That's not a good thing to be remembered for.
MONTGOMERY: No. You could see - Jordon's face in your Queso.
JONES: That's how you makes Texas Queso. I got your back on this.
GUTFELD: I'd like to be remembered for curing aging. So I have maybe about 30 years left to figure it out. If I cure aging, then I don't have to worry about being remembered. I'll still be alive forever I'll never leave this earth. By the way there is still no proof.
JONES: You have to be black. Black don't crap. That's the secret. Figure it out.
GUTFELD: Only you can say that Lawrence, I don't think none of us can. Hey say let's tease. Teasing is wrong. We're against the bullying here. "One More Thing" is up next.
(COMMERCIAL BREAK)
PERINO: It's time now for "One More Thing" on a Friday.
GUTFELD: All right, the "Great Gutfeld Show" tomorrow night, 10:00 we have got Pete Hegseth you got the great comedian Joe Machi, he is wonderful. You go Kat Timpf and Tyrus on Saturday October 26th, 10:00 pm eastern. Now let's do one of these suckers.
Well I think we have found this scariest Halloween costume in history. Check out Ricoh coming at you. I guess he's chucky - that's pretty good. That is a great costume for a dog. I wonder if he came up with it himself or did he have help with someone else?
PERINO: Looks like a pretty smart dog.
GUTFELD: You know what he is? He's a rescue dog, nobody says pound dogs anymore, they say rescue. I prefer to say pound of dog. All right, that's enough for me.
RIVERA: Hot dog.
PERINO: OK, I got one this might get into your head too. A woman and her toddler got caught up in the middle of the protests in Lebanon the other day, and watch what happened when she told protesters that all their shouting was scaring her son.
Well, toddler Robin looks confused in the video his mom said that now whenever he watches that video he can't stop laughing. The protesters in Lebanon very angry about the state of the economy corruption and public services that put a tax on what's app, that was the straw that broke the camel's back.
GUTFELD: Camels, Dana?
PERINO: Yes. So Lawrence and then Geraldo.
JONES: Incredible story out of my home state of Texas, a massive F3 Tornado ripped through north west Dallas also my home town on Sunday destroying the Northway Church, the roof was ripped and much of the building was leveled and you can see some of the rubble there except for a wooden cross which remains standing tall amidst the rubble. The pastor says that the cross was made by a member when they launched the campus ten years ago, some recalled it has been a reminder the Christ is still present amidst of their suffering and chaos. If you want to help the charity to rebuild that Church anyway you can go to northwaychurch.com.
PERINO: That was a big tornado. Happened in a long time. All right, Geraldo.
RIVERA: I was going through my garage today doing a little floor cleaning and I found my certificate admitted me to the bar to practice of the Supreme Court of the United States. Now what makes it interesting is I was admitted to the bar in the Supreme Court on the very day that Bush V Gore was being argued in December of 2000.
What makes it even more interesting is that on the bench, Justice Thomas notoriously reticent to speak out, Clarence Thomas, was far more animated everybody said when he saw me in the court being admitted to practice before his High Court Supreme Court of the United States, then he was later Bush V Gore which was deciding who would be the 43rd President of the United States. So I have this certificate and gladly I didn't throw it out.
MONTGOMERY: He is like Geraldo is here! Justice Thomas beloved by his clerks former and present. If you are in the mood for little key west, Fantasy Fest is going on right now and they have the best pet costume contest. We have got several of the entries here. They - they were guitar players it looks like for cheap trick possibly, don of the tortoise being ridden by the hair because we always know the hair always piggybacks of the tortoise, and because of - paradox the tortoise wins. The big winner Diana Benton she dressed her two cats and country artist Willie Nelson and Dolly Parton.
GUTFELD: Do you think the people should dress up their pets?
MONTGOMERY: Sure why not.
GUTFELD: Yes, that was just because I need them to pass some time.
MONTGOMERY: I dressed up Lenny as Queen Elsa last year, he was not happy. It also includes a headrest ball, and a dance party and a children's costume.
PERINO: I don't really dress Jasper for a couple years ago, I got him a unicorn costume and I was going to take a picture for you but he hated it so much.
GUTFELD: But it would still fit me which was great.
PERINO: I know you often wear that --
GUTFELD: I wear that at the gym.
PERINO: It is just critical. That is it for us, we will see you back here on Monday, it's going to be a great weekend - have a good one.
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