By , ,
Published May 18, 2015
Happy New Year to all of the Oblivions out there who do their best to keep all of you sane people GRRR'ing year in and year out.
But just so you don't think the non-Oblivions in the world — you know, the people out there who actually have common courtesy for their fellow man — aren't hoping for some changes in 2007, here is a Top 10 countdown of GRRR! Year Resolutions for the Oblivions.
Resolution #10
The Oblivions resolve to at least once a day really acknowledge the existence of other people. This means that the people who commit rude acts day in and day out (Oblivions) without ever realizing they're rude, might become aware that "Hey, those people standing in line who I just cut in front of aren't just standing there for their health."
That might be a good start in getting Oblivions to change just a bit, little by little.
Resolution #9
The celebrity Oblivions, like Mel Gibson or Michael Richards who inevitably put their foot in their mouths, resolve to not blame alcohol or some other controlled substance for their abhorrent behavior when their true colors show.
It would be nice that in 2007 we see people taking responsibility for their own actions.
Resolution #8
Parking-Lot-Stalkers — you know, those drivers who inch up behind you as you're walking to your car in the mall parking lot? They will stalk you for your spot, and then wait for you to load your kids, your bags and yourself in your car, with their blinker on, just waiting for your spot. And then they wave to you as you leave.
Dude, I was leaving because I'm done shopping. Not because you wanted my spot. These folks resolve to drive the other 20 feet to the next available spot. Imagine that.
Resolution #7
Polignorants will stop politicizing everything under the sun. Last year I wrote that if I liked vanilla ice cream I'd get e-mails from liberals telling me that I like vanilla because I am a privileged Caucasian who doesn't care about minority groups, and conservatives who say I like vanilla because I'm for gay marriage.
Umm, no. I just like the taste of vanilla ice cream. Please, resolve to stop making everything a political issue here in 2007.
Resolution #6
Wal-Martians who are having cell phone conversations while checking out at a retail or grocery store will resolve to GET OFF THE PHONE while they are being rung up. There's nothing worse than standing in line behind one of these idiots — unless you're the clerk who has to deal with these morons day in and day out.
Resolution #5
Left Lane Vigilantes — you know the ones who drive 55 and under in the passing lane — will resolve to use the right lane at least once a week in 2007.
Resolution #4
Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan and Paris Hilton resolve to wear panties for at least one photograph this year.
Resolution #3
The spammers will remove ten e-mails from their spam lists every day. Hopefully one of my ever-increasing number of e-mails accounts (I can't keep up with the spammers) will make the removal list. I even got spam on New Year's Eve. Cheap Viagra anyone?
Resolution #2
Loud popcorn munchers at the movies resolve to keep their mouths closed while eating popcorn this year, thus making movies enjoyable for the millions of moviegoers who are GRRR'd every time they end up sitting near one of these jackals who eat their popcorn as if it were their first meal in a week.
Why can't we just watch a movie without doing something else at the same time?
Resolution #1
Donald Trump and Rosie O'Donnell will grow up and start behaving like responsible adults. There's nothing worse than seeing two powerful people acting like children in front of the world.
New Year's From Vegas
FOXNews.com spent the holiday weekend in Sin City to bring you footage from the Ultimate Fighting Championship bout between Tito Ortiz and Chuck Liddell, and also for a live stream from the terrace bar at PURE, overlooking the Las Vegas Strip from Caesar's Palace.
• Click here to watch clips from our New Year's from Vegas live stream.
And while we didn't get an interview (or even a clear camera shot) of our party host Britney Spears during the stream, we still made out better than Ortiz, who got banged up pretty good by Chuck "The Iceman" Liddell on Saturday at the MGM Grand Garden Arena.
I can't say enough about the competitors who enter that Octagon.
Whether you're a fight fan or not, the thing that is attractive about these athletes is the dedication to their sport, and the respect they show one another, even after a pounding, that they display. Who would have ever thought that mixed martial artists would end up being some of the most positive role models among professional athletes today?
Every time I cover these events I notice more and more kids in the audience, and more and more elite sports stars ringside. Last time it was boxing great Roy Jones Jr. scoping out the fight scene, but this time baseball star Jason Giambi and tennis greats Andree Agassi and Steffi Graf took in the action.
Agassi told me he's new to the sport, but he did seem to be enjoying himself, while wife Graf seemed to have her eyes glued to the action.
At PURE on New Year's Eve we had a bird's eye view of an estimated half-million people lining the Las Vegas strip, and we were front and center for the Vegas fireworks show. A big thanks to Ken Langdon at Caesar's for hosting us, and Steve Davidici at PURE for the excellent spot and hospitality.
Happy New Year!
Your GRRRs
Respond to Mike | Pre-Order The GRRR! Book | Mike's Page | The GRRR! Archives
https://www.foxnews.com/story/grrr-year-resolutions