Published January 14, 2015
Trying to spice it up a little? Try one (or all) of the below:
1. Talking about sex can get your partner thinking about it. Literal foreplay would be reading erotica to each other, but if you are plum out of Violet Blue or Rachel Kramer Bussel, try "Dear Playboy Advisor: Questions from Men and Women to the Advice Column of Playboy Magazine."
Even if you end up snorting and giggling like Beavis and Butthead, just talking about "members" and "vulvas" can get you moving toward sexy time.
2. Prefer something more serious? Try sitting in a beginner’s Tantric sex position, called Yaby Yum. The man sits in a loose cross-legged position, and the woman in his lap, facing him, her legs straddling him. Wrap your arms around each other or place a hand on each other’s heart and breathe with your faces close together, feeling each other’s breath on your face.
While this position by itself doesn’t guarantee an explosive ending, it is intensely intimate — and you can get things moving in the right direction of your "lingam" and "yoni."
3. Create anticipation: Try giving each other a massage, without the pressure that it will end in sex. Just a scalp massage (think of getting your hair washed) or foot massage (reflexology) can be tremendously relaxing, as can a really gentle stroking of the whole body with your fingertips. Make sure the person’s feet are covered so they don’t get cold.
Some long-term suggestions:
4. Done with babies? Switching from oral contraceptives to a vasectomy can give your sex life a big boost. Research shows oral contraceptives can lower libido, and assurance of a reliable birth control can raise it. Taking a trip to Snip City is fast, affordable, not overly painful and has no noticeable differences in ejaculation quantity or quality afterward.
5. Viagra can’t make you more aroused. If you are "randy," it makes your erection last longer, but it can’t make you feel sexually attracted to someone if you aren't already.
6. It's good to keep up your grooming and hygiene no matter how long you have been together. Kick it up notch. Try a little "manscaping" and prune that jungle back a bit. Though the idea of gluing crystal chips to decorate your lady parts sounds excessive to me, it might sound enticing to you – try the new trend in genital decoration: vajazzaling.
7. What turns him/her on can be very personal. Ask, ask again and pay attention. Whether it’s murmuring in French (like Morticia does to Gomez) or Italian (think Otto reciting the menu in the movie "A Fish Called Wanda") or just faking it, feeding that little fetish can be vastly rewarding.
Note: These suggestions will not help if you or your partner is suffering from seriously lowered libido due to depression or hormonal changes. In addition, if you are arguing and not liking each other very much now, they probably will be more annoying than arousing.
During a parents’ meeting at our high school, the topic of emergency contraception came up. Some parents thought it was similar to abortion. Is it?
— Worried in Wyoming
Plan B is contraception (birth control). It works just like other methods of contraception do, by preventing pregnancy. "The morning-after pill," as it is called, does not have the ability to terminate an existing pregnancy, only to prevent one (it won’t work if a woman has already become pregnant).
Even the information from the FDA's press information makes this clear: "Plan B works like other birth control pills to prevent pregnancy. Plan B acts primarily by stopping the release of an egg from the ovary (ovulation). It may prevent the union of sperm and egg (fertilization). If fertilization does occur, Plan B may prevent a fertilized egg from attaching to the womb (implantation). If a fertilized egg is implanted prior to taking Plan B, Plan B will not work." Plan B or "the morning after pill" prevents unwanted pregnancy and prevents abortions — make sure your pharmacy carries it.
— Dr. B
Dr. Belisa Vranich is a psychologist and sex expert. She is the author of three books, including her latest "He's Got Potential," which is in stores now. Do you have a "Dear Doc" question? E-mail Dr. Vranich at DrBelisa@gmail.com and check out her Web site at www.drbelisa.com.