The quality of your life is determined by the quality of your questions. -- Dr. John Demartini
Questions have the ability to completely change your life. Questions have the ability to save failing marriages and relationships. Questions have the ability to help you take your life to the next level and build stronger finances for your family. Questions have the ability to turn massive failures into extraordinary gifts.
When adversity knocks and failure arises, the quality of our questions matters even more. Naturally, we are going to start using questions that diminish our self-worth or ability to actually get the job done.
Think of the last time you were unhappy about a certain event that didn’t go how you wanted or you felt like a complete failure. I’m sure the first set of questions that you started to think about was, “Do I even have the ability to do this?” “What did I get myself into?” “Why did I even try in the first place when I knew this was going to happen?”
These types of questions are the self-diminishing ones that will forever leave you trapped in the crowded space of mediocrity. The types of questions we ask when failure presents itself determines the final outcome. Failure is not a final event, but for most people it actually becomes final because of the lack of quality in their questions to themselves.
Just like anything in life, once we get in a specific pattern of doing something, it becomes natural for us to do over and over. If you get lazy and form the habit of asking yourself lousy questions, you will continue to get lousy results. There is no way around it.
One of the best ways I have found to put an end towards the negative and self-diminishing questions is to start being very intentional about it. The next time failure presents itself, force yourself to ask questions that will empower you and actually help you find solutions to what it is you are going through.
When I went undrafted in the NFL in 2010, I felt like the biggest failure. Everyone was counting on me, and for so many years I worked so hard for this very moment. I was almost in denial.
At first, I started asking myself, “Am I even good enough to play in the NFL?” That right there is a prime example of the type of negative questions we become so accustomed to asking ourselves when we fail. It wasn’t until I was able to tune everything out, take full advantage of the classroom of silence, and start asking myself different questions, that my perspective changed.
I started asking, “Is this the end of the world?” I thought long and hard about that. Of course not. Hey, I didn’t get drafted, but it happens. It’s a business. That didn’t make me feel any better, but it did provide me with a much needed fresh perspective. This new perspective became fuel to my fire and actually provided me with a burning desire to prove my worth to every team, general manager and owner who passed on me in the draft. This all changed because of the questions I started to ask myself.
I have personally seen struggling businesses, marriages, friendships, athletic teams and individuals all make a massive turnaround because of the increased quality of their questions. The importance of questions is extraordinary.