Cloris Leachman spares Bob Saget little dignity in her feisty appearance at his Comedy Central roast.
In a video snippet of the taped event, set to air Sunday night, the award-winning actress snipes, "Can't believe I shaved for this. I mean, what am I even doing here? Who cares about Bob Saget?"
Low blow. But Saget laps it up, laughing large at the award-winning actress' routine. When asked why the cable channel singled him out to be roasted, he says with mock humility, "I don't know. You know, I guess a few other people turned it down. It's always how I look at it."
That schtick isn't fooling anyone, though. The actor-comedian is a bona-fide cultural icon, thanks to his role as squeaky clean single dad Danny Tanner on "Full House," the addictively cheesy ABC sitcom that launched the phenomenon known as the Olsen twins, who were barely out of diapers when the show debuted in 1987.
An entire generation will always know Saget by his "Full House" alter ego. But it was his scene-stealing cameo in the 2005 documentary "The Aristocrats" — in which 100 comics riffed on the world's dirtiest joke — that revealed his notoriously filthy sense of humor.
Saget kept things fairly clean, though, as he talked to The Associated Press about twin tycoons Ashley and Mary-Kate Olsen, who would play him in a "Full House" movie and why he wants good friend-roastmaster John Stamos to run for public office.
AP: How many Olsen jokes were cracked during the roast?
Saget: Too many, and that's why editing is so great. I'm a big fan of editing. There were a lot of jokes at their expense, more jokes at my expense.
AP: How many times a day does someone ask you about the twins?
Saget: It gets old. ... It can get a little bit exhausting. It's really not about anything. It kind of makes me really just want to go and read the news ... and then go to a movie. Or do some cardio.
AP: Do you ever have the urge to sit down with your TV daughters and give them a feel-good lecture?
Saget: It's not like that. Because I know Ashley and Mary-Kate since they're 9 months old or 6 months old; I know Jodie (Sweetin) since she's 4 and Candace (Cameron) since she's 9. And I never talked to them like they were little kids ... because I just don't talk to kids like that. ... A lot of the conversations I have with Ashley and Mary-Kate have been (them saying), "No, I really like her, she's a really good girlfriend" or, "You should try that, I think that'd be good for you." That's the truth. So it's kind of reversed.
AP: What kind of music would you like to have in the background if you did do a heart-to-heart?
Saget: I guess something by Journey with Steve Perry because they had the synthesizers all down really well. It was all about the synth.
AP: What would Danny Tanner say about you on the roasting panel?
Saget: Danny Tanner would probably not say anything. The first thing he would probably do before he spoke is just spray Windex on the podium, and just clean it up because of all the disgusting hands that have touched it.
AP: In honor of Danny — if you could be a cleaning product, which cleaning product would you be?
Saget: Purell. You get used all day long. People rub their hands all over you.
AP: If there was a "Full House" movie, who would play you?
Saget: Let me think about this very carefully. It's a very important question. ... I'm actually looking up something because I have a couple thoughts on this, because I actually wrote this down once.
Saget: Somebody was talking about (a movie). Who knows? It's a crazy little world we're living in, isn't it? ... Josh Radnor (CBS' "How I Met Your Mother," narrated in voice-over by Saget). I don't think he'd do it. He's too talented, but he would have to play Danny Tanner. I don't know if anyone should want to fill those shoes. But it'd be hilarious because I'm playing him as an older man. I'm his voice. I'm the discombobulated "Charlie's Angels" voice. Who else could be Danny Tanner? Let me think. ... Jason Biggs ("American Pie"), and maybe Danny gets caught in the kitchen with a pie.
AP: Or maybe you could play Danny ... again.
Saget: I don't know. Unless I can play him intoxicated, which I don't think they'll go for.
AP: You've hosted "America's Funniest Home Videos" and "1 vs. 100." Who would win in a host-off: you, Howie Mandel or Ryan Seacrest?
Saget: I would have to say Howie, because Howie doesn't let people touch him. Which I think is the answer. ... I would never put myself in the hosting-off. It sounds like you're doing something dirty, anyway, if you're "hosting off." But Howie, actually, I've known also since he was a young comic. He's a dear friend. Really great guy. And I think he's made more of a show (NBC's "Deal or No Deal") that didn't have that much to it.
AP: You directed the "March of the Penguins" straight-to-DVD spoof, "Farce of the Penguins." What do you have against penguins?
Saget: I love penguins, but I found out just what nasty little creatures they are just by watching documentary footage. I mean, we didn't do it what the real filmmakers of the real movie did. They're the real deal. I'm a penguin thief, basically.
AP: On a political note, who would make a celebrity running mate for Obama and McCain?
Saget: I think, after the roast, I would say Cloris Leachman ("Young Frankenstein," TV's "Malcolm in the Middle"). She'd be good for McCain because she would keep him looking younger. And I think for Obama the best running mate would be — god, this is trying to promote my roast — I'd say John Stamos because then I'd totally be hooked up at the White House.