So hotels are now bringing back women-only floors — places that provide a safe haven for chicks in bad suits traveling alone on business. Many of these floors come with yoga mats, bath salts and wash mitts. That's right — wash mitts.
I have a number of problems with this.
One, it's sexist. As a red-blooded male, I happen to enjoy a good wash mitt, perhaps in ways it wasn't originally intended for.
Even more, why can't I have some bath salts? I love to eat in the tub, so having some salt already there, would be really kind of nice.
But you know what really chaps my burger? How this concept takes all the fun out of business travel. See, it has less to do with doing business, than getting busy. I can’t think of anything more fun than skulking around a hotel bar, littered with ferns and brass, picking at a sticky bowl of cocktail nuts while trying to impress someone who may or may not be a prostitute. These evenings usually end in a sweaty mass of regret and fear, but what memories they would create later in life! And, recurring infections.
Finally, if hotels are going to create women's floors, then they should do the same for men. And that means catering to our basic male needs. To start, I would expect a case of scotch, a plate of chicken wings and perhaps in-room lap dances by the Eastern European cleaning staff.
Of course, I would hope some of the women would get involved too.
And if you disagree with me, then you sir are worse than Hitler.
Greg Gutfeld currently serves as host of FOX News Channel's (FNC) The Greg Gutfeld Show (Saturdays 10-11PM/ET) and co-host of The Five (weekdays 5-6PM/ET). He joined the network in 2007 as a contributor. Click here for more information on Greg Gutfeld.