Family vacation? Hardly. These saucy getaways are all about … um … making families.
Hotels around the world are offering procreation vacations catering directly to couples with conception on the brain, The Associated Press reports.
The resorts offer everything from onsite sex doctors to couples massages to tried-and-true fertility boosters — all in the name of helping conception-challenged couples bring on baby.
Sound silly? Think again. Even doctors are jumping on the procreation vacation bandwagon.
"One of the most easy, therapeutic interventions is to recommend a vacation," Dr. Jason James, an obstetrician in Miami, said. "I think the effect of stress on our physiology is truly underestimated."
It's about "getting pregnant in style," said Judy Randall, president of Randall Travel Marketing in North Carolina. "It's Gen Xers making a big moment out of creating their offspring and doing it in a way that will be memorable."
Memorable, maybe. But a bona-fide baby-making excursion — much like the desired result — is going to cost you a bit of cash.
The Westin Grand Bahama's package, which incorporates traditional Caribbean fertility treatments like thrice-daily doses of sea moss (the Caribbean's version of Viagra) crumpled into evaporated milk, starts at $1,893.
If funky mossy milk concoctions don't do it for you, the 'Birds and the Bees' package at the Five Gables Inn & Spa on Chesapeake Bay invites reproducers to enjoy a two-night stay, a couples massage, oysters and wine, a pair of heart print boxers and a Barry White CD for about $810.
Procreators with $1800 and the desire to get busy on a ship can book a trip to be ferried to a romantic island on Singapore sex guru Dr. Wei Siang Yu's "Love Boat."
"My husband and I thought that we would go on the vacation and learn all these nice fertility secrets and we'd be practicing them for a number of months for them to work," said Lucinda Hughes, 35, who conceived the day she got back from her procreation vacation at The Westin at Our Lucaya Grand Bahama Island. "We were stunned. There's definitely some truths to the foods and the elixirs."Bandit Learns Things Get Ugly When Life Imitates Art ... Woody Allen-Style
NEW YORK (New York Post) — A bungling bandit — paroled in September for robbing three Brooklyn banks in 2004 — is up to his old tricks, cops say.
Ronald Crudup, 27, was busted Wednesday after he attempted two birdbrained bank robberies right out of Woody Allen's "Take the Money and Run," law-enforcement sources said.
On Halloween, he passed a note at an Apple branch in Brooklyn — but the teller refused to read it. They passed it back and forth several times before he got frustrated and fled.
The next day he tried a Chase branch in another Brooklyn neighborhood. But the teller asked him if he had a bank card, while passing the note to a colleague — who called cops.
Police busted him after reviewing surveillance tapes.
In 2004, Crudup was convicted of stealing nearly $10,000 from banks.
On one occasion, he was handed $1,200 with a dye pack in the stacks of bills.
When he ran outside the bank, the dye pack exploded, sending bills flying.
Because Nothing Says 'Hardened Criminal' Like a Toothless, Cooing Dude in a Diaper
PATNA, India (AP) — The baby bandit strikes again! Not really.
A police officer was surprised to discover that one of the suspects in a bus robbery he was investigating was a 3-month-old boy, police in the eastern Indian state of Bihar said Friday.
The boy, Parveen Kumar, had been listed along with his father on an initial charge sheet after a bus driver was robbed of his fares in the remote village of Muzzafarpur, said local superintendent of police Rattan Sajai.
The baby had been charged with robbery, extortion and banditry, he said.
The robbery occurred on Sept. 19, but the fact that a prime suspect was a newborn only came to light recently when police launched their investigation, Sanjai said.
Police blamed the bus driver, saying he reported the infant as a conspirator because of a personal grudge he had with the father.
The charges against the child have since been dropped, Sanjai said.
No Grunts Allowed in This 'Judgment Free Zone'
ALBANY, N.Y. (AP) — Some gyms forbid hogging machines or wearing flip-flops. At one gym, grunting is grounds for expulsion.
Albert Argibay of Beacon, N.Y., was escorted by police officers from a gym this week for grunting, which is against Planet Fitness' rules for maintaining a non-intimidating atmosphere.
"Perhaps I grunted, perhaps I didn't. It's open to interpretation," said Argibay, a 40-year-old corrections officer. He said he had his headset on when he was lifting 500 pounds on a squat machine at the gym in Wappingers Falls, about 80 miles north of New York City.
Planet Fitness, which has 120 locations across the country, markets itself as a place where anyone can feel comfortable in its "Judgment Free Zone."
Its rules, posted around the gym, state members cannot wear bandanas, grunt or bang weights on the ground. When an offender is spotted, a "lunk alarm" sounds to warn the member.
There is at least one expulsion every two weeks across the locations, said Mike Grondahl, CEO of Planet Fitness. He said grunting and dropping weights are the most common offenses.
Argibay emitted the offending grunt Monday evening, a peak time for gyms, said Carol Palazzolo, the gym's general manager. She said she heard it from across the room, even though "the place was a zoo."
"He was looking directly at me and he did it four times," she said. "I'm not a doctor, but as far as I know, a grunt is a noise that comes out of one's body that is loud and is intimidating."
An argument ensued when she confronted him, and police were called. Argibay was escorted out, but no charges were filed.
"It's an embarrassing situation to be in, over a grunt," Argibay said.
And Now This From the Eight-Legged-Grape Department:
TOPEKA, Kan. (AP) — The thing in the bag of black seedless grapes in Lori Warren's refrigerator was dark and shiny, all right, but it had something grapes don't: eight legs.
Making the whole experience worse, the critter had the red, hourglass-shaped mark on its abdomen that helped confirm its identity as a black widow spider.
Her 9-year-old daughter, Elysia Holland-Kyzer, discovered the spider Monday morning when she went looking in the refrigerator for butter for her toast. She yelled for her mother.
"I'm the spider catcher in the family, and I'm not really afraid of those things," Warren said.
But the closer examination that turned up the black widow's markings did give her a shiver, thinking of her children's close calls.
The grapes had been purchased at an area store by Warren's mother, who lives in Ottawa. The two women called two area stores where the grapes could have come from to tell them about their find.
The Warrens put their half-consumed bag of grapes into another plastic bag and then placed the whole thing in their garage. They weren't certain what they would do with it, but Warren was fairly sure the family will stay away from grapes for now.
"I don't think Elysia will eat any for a while," she said with a laugh.
Compiled by FOXNews.com's Taylor Timmins.
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