We all go a little mad sometimes.
NFL fans know the feeling well, even if they -- hopefully -- don't get stabby like Norman Bates. The first two weeks of the regular season has been nothing short of nutty as upset finishes and head-scratching play from some of the supposed Super Bowl contenders have thrown a monkey wrench into everything.
Here's a good example. The FOXSports.com interoffice survivor pool is already over. After Week 2. And speaking from a personal standpoint, I embarrassed myself in the FOXSports.com expert picks. After going 13-3 in Week 1, I pooped the bed with a 5-11 mark in Week 2.
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So, as I panic about my failing prognosticating skills, I ask you dear readers this: What are you panicking about heading into Week 3?
Let's get to work!
Really? Why are you worried? Brandon Weeden is a capable quarterback and I'm sure he'll have no problems distributing the ball to Cole Beasley, Terrance Williams, Darren McFadden and .... uhhh:
On second thought, I gotta agree with Jose. This is looking bad. Tony Romo isn't going to be back for a while and the Cowboys have games looming against the Patriots and Seahawks with a couple important division matchups sprinkled in. I know it's just two weeks into the season, but I would forgive any Dallas fan if they collapsed into a pool of tears.
And I don't want to pile on, but it seems like Jason Witten is also banged up. The hits just keep on comin', right?
I was super high on the Eagles coming into the season. Like, pawn all my possessions and getting welts on my face high.
They've really made me look like an idiot. I couldn't believe what I was seeing on Sunday against the Cowboys. That Chip Kelly-led offense looked like the JV football team during my sophomore year of high school. The JV football team that had Sid Saraf playing right guard.
We lost every game we played by double digits. And if the Eagles don't figure it out -- I still feel they will -- soon, good ole Chip is going to be back in the college ranks faster than you can say Bobby Petrino.
Yeah, yeah, of course.
The NFL is just a diversion. It's supposed to make people happy in between the hours they spend working tirelessly and feeding their families.
But how can I relax when the Giants are 0-2, the Seahawks have a big-money tight end in Jimmy Graham who isn't getting the football, the Texans can't find a quarterback, the Lions are a mess, the Packers can't seem to keep anyone healthy, the Patriots ... you get the picture.
You are a reasonable man, Robert. You are wise beyond your years and have no place among us lunatics.
Be gone with you!
The Panthers are playing with house money. They have no semblance of an offense and are still 2-0. And guess what? They have the absolutely awful 0-2 Saints at home on Sunday.
So, I would tell Luke Kuechly to take the week off and get some rest. Make sure everything is going well with that noggin. In fact, take two weeks off since the Panthers have the Buccaneers in Week 4.
No. NO. Yes.
As much as I want the Rams to come back to Los Angeles, I do realize there will be some St. Louis fans who would feel the sting if the team left Missouri. Does that make me feel bad?
Absolutely not. I feel no shame or guilt about this. In fact, it would bring me tremendous pleasure to watch Los Angeles take something away from St. Louis.
Am I just saying that because I'm a bitter Dodgers fan who had to watch the Cardinals spank my favorite team in two consecutive postseasons? Absolutely and I don't care.
I have no problem with being petty. It keeps me going every day.
See? People in St. Louis don't even want the Rams. Los Angeles would be doing them a favor.
Wow. A hot take about the Buccaneers-Texans game. Now, I've seen everything.
Things have bottomed out in the Big Easy, and I don't think they're going to get better soon. They just lost to the freakin' Bucs at home -- a place where they've dropped six straight games.
Remember when the Superdome was rocking? Remember when Steve Gleason blocked that punt and set New Orleans on fire? Here it is in case you forgot:
Man, where the hell did those days ago?
And I'm not trying to make things worse, but here are the Saints' opponents until they reach their bye week: at Panthers, Cowboys, at Eagles, Falcons, at Colts, Giants, Titans, at Redskins.
Judging by how this team has looked over the first two weeks of season, would you be surprised if they lost every one of those games? Me neither. Just sad.
OK, what else are people panicking about?
I'm in four fantasy football leagues this year, which is way too many. I can't keep track of which players I have starting in which league, my eyes have crossed and my interest level is dropping with every passing day.
And here's my cumulative record after two weeks: 1-7. It's awful.
Hi, Screech Diddy! Missed you the last couple weeks. I see you haven't changed your Twitter avatar yet, but that's a topic for another mailbag.
I feel for you. While I feel lucky that I avoided CJ Anderson, I do have Forsett and Lamar Miller. I should have known better.
I shouldn't have got sucked in by Forsett's 2014 season. I knew in my heart that it was a fugazy, but I got some bad advice and rolled the dice. I've been rewarded with a steaming pile of nothing for my efforts.
And don't get me started on Lamar Miller. Every year is supposed to be the year where "Lamar Miller becomes the focal point of the Dolphins offense." Has that happened yet? Nope.
Good god, man. Here's what I would do. I would put all your running backs in a (figurative) room, pull the pin on a grenade, roll it in there and shut the door.
You chose ... poorly.
I hope Sam Bradford is pleased with himself. He's dashed the dreams of many hard-working Americans with his shoddy play.
You've got the failure trifecta right there.
Alrighty, folks! I think we've done enough for this week. See you next time!