If you’re not having fun making love, you’re doing it wrong.
Making love should never be boring nor overshadowed by fear. As an adult, it’s your right to enjoy your sexuality to its fullest in whatever manner you deem appropriate.
If you find yourself unsure or apprehensive about having sex because of the risks of pregnancy or sexually transmitted infections, you are not alone. Many men and women worry. It’s when we don’t that we overlook our health and safety and fail to take precautions.
As an adult you have the right to claim your sensual and sexual divinity. Never allow anyone to take that away from you. You don’t have to deny yourself the pleasures of being sexual merely because you want to ensure to protect yourself against unwanted pregnancies and sexually transmitted infections; all you need is a little pre-planning, some creativity, a dash of courage and you’re all set to sharing the most fulfilling lovemaking with your partner. Below are three tips to get you started.
The Decision: It doesn’t matter what you plan to do, where you plan to do it, how you plan to engage in it, or whom you plan to share it with, the first thing you need to do is make a decision. Do you plan to be sexual or not? Do you plan to embrace your sensual and sexual nature, or not? If your answer is “no”, then you don’t needed to read further. However, if the answer is “yes” or “maybe in the future” then taking these steps will help you get the greatest satisfaction from your sex life.
Learn about sex. Everything we want to be good at in life takes a bit of learning; from walking, to learning your multiplication tables, and my favorite learning to cook “arroz con dulcie”. It’s all about discovering something new. Sex is no different. There are lots of great books available to teach you about the joys of sex; everything from technical explanations to emotional connections, spiritual awakenings, and making relationships better. However, reading a relationship book is not the same as reading a “how-to” have sex book that explains the “in’s and out’s”. (Chuckles—pun not intended.) Let’s forego for now the more elaborate position books, which are incredibly unrealistic. Just keep it simple. Lovemaking is about having fun. You can read the book I wrote, The Latina Kama Sutra: The Ultimate Guide to Dating Sex and Erotic Pleasures, which provides you with seven basic positions everyone can enjoy. Also watch videos alone or with your partner. Learn from the videos, see what works for you. Keep what you like and ignore the rest.
Communication: Communicating your desires is the key to greater intimacy and pleasure. Not only is it erotic to hear what your lover wants to do to you but what they want done to themselves. Yes, sharing your desires does make you feel vulnerable at times; however, if you don’t trust the person you’re with to accept all of you, how can you possibly achieve the level of connection you’ve always dreamed of with someone you love? This lack of open communication is what causes infidelity in relationships. The way I see it: if your partner rejects you because you want to have sex while you wear pink socks, or are blindfolded, or want to be adventurous or silly, then that’s not the person for you. Often times you compromise in relationships and not everything is about sex. However, if your sex life flounders so does your relationship, so it’s imperative you share your feelings honestly and openly.
Dr. Charley Ferrer is a world-renowned Clinical Sexologist and the only Latina Doctor of Human Sexuality in the United States. She is the award winning author of The Latina Kama Sutra, The W.I.S.E. Journal for the Sensual Woman, and The Passionate Latina: In our own words. She is the founder and Executive Director of the Institute of Pleasure whose primary mission is to provide education on relationships, mental health services to women and men, and conduct research on sexuality. She can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.For more on Dr. Charley, go to www.instituteofpleasure.org.