Here's what's going on, everybody:
On Friday, Kim Kardashian Instagrammed a topless photo of herself in honor of her wedding dress designer's birthday. That starts to make more sense once you realize he's in the periphery of the photo, but then again, no, it doesn't.
Beyonce referenced elevators twice in a new remix for the song "Flawless," probably because she wants to keep us interested in that elevator controversy from May. Or perhaps she's just a big fan of Werner von Siemens, the inventor of the first electric vertical conveyance. That's also a definite possibility.
Ireland Baldwin is clearly wearing a see-through shirt in her latest Instagram snapshot (below), though she appears to have censored herself in MS Paint with a crude black brushstroke. She must not own any opaque shirts.
Bill Murray will be voicing/playing Baloo in Disney's upcoming animated/live-action adaptation of "The Jungle Book." It's unknown how he plans to portray the easygoing bear, but we're guessing "hapless," because c'mon. It's Bill Murray.
Former "American Idol" contestant Michael Johns passed away on Friday at the age of 35, reportedly from a blood clot that resulted from a twisted ankle. Here he is back in season seven, impressing the judges with "Bohemian Rhapsody":
"Veep" actress Julia Louis-Dreyfus got locked out of her own Facebook account for trying to post a nude baby picture of herself. But if Facebook is going to start banning people for uploading cheeky baby photos, they should block everybody we know on Facebook. (Seriously, the baby pictures are getting ridiculous.)
"Guardians of the Galaxy" broke the all-time record for an August film debuts (raking in $94 million over a single weekend), obviously because audiences across the nation couldn't resist the lure of a talking tree man.
Speaking of "Guardians of the Galaxy," actress Zoe Saldana told David Letterman that she's got about 10 hidden tattoos on her body. "My grandmother says that I look like a newspaper naked," she laughed, though we're guessing her grandmother often confuses "newspapers" with "copies of Inked Babes magazine."
"Kick Ass" actress Chloë Grace Moretz is reportedly dating Brooklyn Beckham, the son of David and Victoria Becham. We're hoping it's not true, only because we can't think of a good portmanteau of their two names yet. (Chlooklyn? Broë? We need more time, is what we're saying.)
"Curb your Enthusiasm" actress Cheryl Hines got married to Robert Kennedy Jr. on Saturday in Hyannis Port, Massachusetts. Hines' "Curb" co-star Larry David was in attendance, and this is what he likely thought of the ceremony:
Gwen Stefani was spotted relaxing (and looking pretty good) in a pair of baggy overalls on vacation in Saint-Tropez. Not since Mario or Luigi have we seen someone so comfortable in such a utilitarian garment.
Lindsay Lohan is keeping busy in Ibiza by uploading bikini pictures to Instagram (see one below), though she's still not getting as much attention as Justin Bieber's Ibiza antics last week. But hey, if she stays over in Spain for a while, it probably won't be long before the locals start taking swings at her, too.
Jennifer Lawrence and boyfriend Nicholas Hoult have parted ways, according to E! News. Their split was said to be "amicable," and not "extremely tumultuous" and "full of drama" like everyone at the tabloids was secretly hoping.
And finally, Cronut creator Dominique Ansel is selling canned ice cream sundaes in the Hamptons this week. So clear your schedule, fly out to Long Island and book an expensive hotel room just so you can taste some ice cream out of a freakin' can. It's gotta be worth it, no?