This isn't your typical review column rating whether or not the film is necessarily any good, but rather if it's worthy of a date night out at the box office. “Total Recall” starts out promising, with a cool-looking, post-apocalyptic Earth featuring flying cars and a railway system that connects commuters from The Colony (Australia) to The United Federation of Britain (England). Unfortunately, the movie derails from there. This remake of the Schwarzenegger classic has more high-tech toys and gadgets than its predecessor, only with far less originality, no Mars and no Arnie! Douglas Quaid (Colin Farrell) is a blue-collar worker bored with life and haunted by a recurring dream. He visits Rekall, a corporation where they can implant virtual memories into his mind to give him a better life … perhaps one in which he's a spy. The next thing Quaid knows, authorities are breaking down the door trying to apprehend him. Is he experiencing "recall" or reality? Who knows? And really, who cares? Farrell does an OK job, and he buffed up enough for the role, but let's be honest — he's no former Mr. Universe. Kate Beckinsale is kick-ass as Lori Quaid, and Jessica Biel falls comfortably into what has become her typecast role: the good girl who is both beautiful and can beat up the boys. (Yawn.) Bryan Cranston and Bill Nighy round out the cast, and both turn in unusually lackluster performances. For anyone who's seen the original, this simply doesn't stack up. And if you haven’t seen the 1990 classic, save yourself some bucks by renting the original instead of dishing out your dollars on the 2012 remake. The Date Nighter says: Don't do it. “Total Recall” is a total rental.