By , Brittany Jones Cooper
Published March 21, 2018
When you’re on vacation, you could look at the historical sites, drink in the gorgeous nature views and gaze upon the marvelous cityscape.
But sometimes, the most fun thing to do on a trip is not watching the places — it’s watching the people. Vacation tends to bring out all different types of tourists and touristy behaviors, and they’re all on full display on vacation.
For your vacation people-watching purposes, here are the many different types of tourists you’ll see on vacation.
For these tourists, the world’s most beautiful sites are little more than selfie backdrops, and a vacation didn’t really happen unless every moment of it was documented on Instagram. With a selfie stick and/or freakishly long arms, the Selfie Addict is the star of their very own travelogue.
It’s as if they wake up on vacation and say, “I paid for the travel insurance and I’m darned well going to use it!” These super-brave tourists leap head-first into every death-defying vacation stunt one can possibly imagine: diving with sharks; jumping off bridges; parasailing, crocodile spotting; cliff diving; drinking the water in Mexico. Vacation truly is the time to adopt a “say ‘yes’ to everything” philosophy, and these guys deserve credit for doing just that. And that’s why I’m going to say “yes” to standing here on this nice, safe observation deck and cheering you on during your expensive suicide attempt.
Close cousin of the Selfie Taker, this is the extremist who never fails to interrupt the vacation action to take a group photo… actually, more like “direct” a group photo. Because the Annie Leibovitz has strong opinions about where everyone stands, the position of the sun, who’s in front of whom, who’s next to whom, etc. — and thinks nothing of interrupting the touristy fun to get just the right snap, or of holding everyone in place while reviewing the acceptability of each photo on their camera’s digital display. If you have one of these in your group, you’ll come to appreciate them over time for the pictures that you’ll enjoy for years after your trip. But still, TAKE THE EFFING PICTURE, ALREADY!
You see them with their vacation map (or their smart phone app) at the ready, constantly checking off items on their to-see checklists whilst plotting the quickest course to the next tourist destination on their itinerary. For these tourists, a vacation is a chore, a list of things that have to be done. These people are valuable to have along as travel partners; they keep everyone focused on the pre-decided activities that made you want to take the trip in the first place. But if left unchecked, their Swiss clock-style precision can sap all the fun out of traveling
They could be big-time drinkers at home who’ve merely moved the party to another location. Or they could be mild-mannered teetotallers at home who turn into the Incredible Hulks of Booze when they travel. Either way, some tourists decide the word “vacation” is derived from the Latin term for “floating your liver.” They have a little taste when they wake up; grab a mid-day cocktail at the hotel bar, have an afternoon pre-game; order every concoction on the menu at dinner. And then they start drinking. These people are good to have around for fun, but do yourself and your liver a favor: don’t try to keep up with them. The only thing worse than a bad hangover is a bad hangover that takes you out of a pre-paid vacation. Speaking of which…
Whether they’re trying to break a long dry spell, looking for a hot story to share with friends back home or attempting to get over a breakup by getting under a local (or a fellow tourist also will do just fine, thank you very much), these people are on a mission: to have a vacation fling. You can almost smell the pheromones emanating from these wannabe sexcationers. Not that there’s anything wrong with that: vacation is a time for adventure in all areas, including this one. Just don’t be so obvious about it. This isn’t Spring Break… unless it really is Spring Break. In which case, go have fun.
This is the one loudly cracking jokes during the tour guide’s lecture: “This guy built the Taj Mahal for his wife? She musta been Taj Ma-HOT!” Enjoyable when their jokes are funny and sparse, intolerable when they are neither (which is often the case), the Wiseass exists mainly to wrest attention from anyone who is not them, even if it’s the tour guide.
A bad hangover can put you in this group — as can motion sickness, food poisoning, or picking up the flu on the plane. The vacation gods surely didn’t smile upon these poor tourists, who had the misfortune of picking up an ailment that ruins their vacation. Be kind to them. Let them in front of you in line. Offer them a tissue. Because the thing about Sickies is, you’re just one bad trip away from being one yourself.
Check out more of the world's most annoying people on vacation.
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