By , Jackie Willis
Published March 22, 2019
It's been several months since Nikki Bella called off her wedding with John Cena, but the WWE star admits that she's only just begun her "true grieving and healing process."
In a preview of Sunday's season finale of "True Bellas" on E!, Nikki returns to Napa Valley for the first time since traveling to wine country nearly a year ago to check out wedding venues.
"This is the first time I've been back in Napa since my big breakup and I just immediately get all the memories," she recalls as footage of her and her sister, Brie Bella, from 2018 shows them at a picturesque venue. "But a part of me is like, 'OK, Nicole. Now you have to make new memories.'"
While it will be tough, Nikki is hoping to put that chapter of her life behind her. "I think that's why I was crying so much yesterday," Nikki tells Brie. "I feel like it was the first time I'm just fully, like, starting my true grieving and healing process."
As for whether she's ready to see her ex-fiance with another woman, the 35-year-old reality star admits, "No matter what, the next time I see him with someone it's gonna kill me."
That being said, Nikki adds, "I'm ready for a new me. I need it."
While Nikki might not be excited to see John in a new relationship, she has been back out there herself. She went on several dates that were featured on this season of "Total Bellas," and now appears to be with her former "Dancing With the Stars" pro partner, Artem Chigvintsev.
Just this month, the two were seen sharing a kiss.
A lot can change in a few months. Back in September, Nikki told ET that she was "single... but not ready for mingling yet."
"I just feel like I'm at that age where I'm discovering who I really am and what I want out of life and just, like, independence," she explained. "It is scary and you do have these moments of like, 'What am I doing?' -- and fear. I just kind of am liking the challenge."