This is a rush transcript from "The Five," January 23, 2018. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE, CO-HOST: Hello, everyone. I'm Kimberly Guilfoyle along with Juan Williams, Jesse Watters, Dana Perino and Greg Gutfeld. It's 5 o'clock in New York City and this is "The Five."
Tonight, stunning new revelations on anti-Trump bias of the FBI. As you know, two top agents removed from Mueller's Russia investigation exchanged tens of thousands of texts, many of them disparage President Trump who they were investigating. According to two lawmakers, Peter Strzok and Lisa Page also spoke of a secret society formed at the FBI after Mr. Trump's election:
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
REP. TREY GOWDY, R-S.C.: The day after the election, the day after, what they really, really didn't want to have happen, there's a text exchange between these two, FBI agents, these two supposed to be objective, fact-centric FBI agents saying perhaps this is the first meeting of the secret society. So, of course, I'm going to want to know what secret society are you talking about because you're supposed to be investigating objectively the person who just won the Electoral College. So, yeah, I'm going to want to know.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUILFOYLE: Five months' worth of texts between the pair have gone MIA. The FBI lost them. The president called it one of the biggest stories in a long time. The Justice Department insists it will get to the bottom of it, but here's one that wasn't lost. It shows Strzok expressing skepticism of the Mueller probe would uncover any wrongdoing by the president and his team. Quote, my gut sense a concern there's no big there, there. Sarah Sanders was asked about the president's thoughts on these new developments just moments ago.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
SARAH SANDERS, WHITE HOUSE PRESS SECRETARY: I think he thinks that there's a great cause for concern that five months' worth of text messages have gone missing, particularly given the individual part of that process has already been shown to be extremely biased against the president and was involved in what seems to be some very inappropriate behavior. And that certainly is of great concern.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUILFOYLE: OK. And speaking of secret societies, clearly there is one between Dana Perino, myself, and Sarah Sanders in shades of pink and purple.
PERINO: Juan is an honorary member.
JUAN WILLIAMS, CO-HOST: I got the memo. I'm trying to match Greg's head.
GUILFOYLE: It looks better today, by the way.
GREG GUTFELD, CO-HOST: Because it's makeup.
GUILFOYLE: All right. Maybe it will radically change your personality. All right, Dana, what do you make of this, like, the email is gone, investigation going forward, strong statement from the A.G., and now mention of a secret society.
DANA PERINO, CO-HOST: I don't make too much out of any of it because I think that all of it has come out in little pieces. You don't know what the context is, and there are people that are pushing a particular agenda that might say, well, this obviously means this. It could actually mean something else. We don't know. I've been at the White House at a time when there were emails that were on a server that went missing, and it's there was a technical problem. They didn't know where they were, and it caused a huge hullabaloo for a long time. They ultimately were found. And I think that the FBI having the tools it has probably will be able to find them. And Richard Berg, the senate intelligence committee chairman, he says that he doesn't think there was anything nefarious, that it was technical. Maybe that's true, maybe it's not. I don't know. And then you have the point that -- the email you just read or the text where he says -- Strzok says I don't really think there is any there, there. That would seem to support the president's position that there is no collusion. So, it's just really very much all over the map. And I'm just going to wait to make any conclusions until there is some sort of conclusion by everyone else.
GUILFOYLE: Jesse, Austan argued just sitting in awe of Dana's reasoning.
JESSE WATTERS, CO-HOST: I'm going to do the opposite of Dana and not wait for any conclusion. I'm going to make more out of this.
WATTERS: It looks to me like there's rogue federal agents trying to correct the justice system and undermine American democracy. If you have FBI agents texting about brushing up on Watergate and impeachment right after Trump's election and you had a talk about secret society between the FBI agent and justice officials who were the same people talking about creating an insurance policy to protect the country against the election of Donald Trump, that seems pretty sketchy to me. And these are the same people who are now working on the Mueller team before they were fired. Now, also, the counterintelligence and counterespionage agent on the FBI was tapped to be in the Mueller team and the first thing that come to his mind is there's no there, there. There's no collusion. I mean, that says a lot because that's his job. That's his wheelhouse right there.
And so, he gets put in that position. They don't really find any collusion so far, and now it looks like an obstruction of justice case that they're making. And who is the chief witness for obstruction of justice? It's James Comey, the best friend for Robert Mueller. So, he illegally leaks the memo to his buddy the professor, you know, a few blocks away at Columbia. And now, Comey hires his buddy the professor to represents him as his personal attorney. So that locks down the professor's testimony very cagy. And then, all of a sudden the FBI texts go missing? The FBI, their entire job is to retain intelligence, and then they lost the intelligence from a critical time period when this investigation began? It doesn't make sense. And then today, the chief of staff or James Comey, and the current FBI director resigns all of a sudden. I'm willing to make a little bit more of it than Dana Perino. But she's always been more cautious.
GUILFOYLE: All right. Well, Jesse making hay, so what do you say?
GUTFELD: Well, I'm going to try to make as much sense as possible, which means I will make no sense. I enjoy the scandal ping-pong of all of this. So, every time some entity pushes the Russian collusion narrative, it pops up, then the FBI, DOJ, Clinton cover-up comes right back. It's like the Trump clip critics are relieving themselves in the wind and it feels good at the moment but then they end up all wet. There you go. Thank you. But the texts between these two FBI agents, it does reflect what we always knew and what we saw, a visceral and emotional reaction to Donald Trump. People hated him so much and still do, that they feel justified to do anything because their sense of righteousness made it OK.
GUTFELD: They gave him a greater purpose. And then, you throw into that the romance of it, so they're in love. They're having an affair. Their poor spouses. And so, you can hear David Bowie's Heroes in the background as they talk about it. It's two against us. And there's a secret society. We have a tree house down by the river with secret handshakes. I go back always to my place of wisdom which is the Brady Bunch. Mom always said never play ball in the house.
GUTFELD: And this is what happens when you play ball in the house. It's true. It's true. They played ball in the house.
PERINO: On their government phone.
GUTFELD: On their government phone. And also.
GUILFOYLE: You've got Brady Bunch yesterday.
GUTFELD: Yeah, I did. I got hit. I got Marsha Brady in my face. But a lot of these noise, this conspiracy stuff exists because it can. America is a resilient country. The economy is barreling along. So, we could go on and on and on about this as America goes on. It's almost as though the media, like we're watching a Netflix series where we're almost done, you know. But the media is still stuck on the first episode. They can't move on from this stuff. They're just spinning their wheels because it's just - - they can't let go. Don't play ball in the house.
GUILFOYLE: Well, it seems like you've got some energy. You're doing better today.
GUTFELD: I thank God for prescription medications.
GUILFOYLE: OK. So business as usual for Greg Gutfeld. So Juan, what do you make of these current developments?
WILLIAMS: Well, you know, breaking news here on the Fox News Channel. Nobody mentions it, but apparently the attorney general was interviewed by Robert Mueller. Oh, my gosh. This is the first time a Trump cabinet secretary has been interviewed by the special counsel. Not only that, another breaking news event, Jim Comey interviewed by the special counsel Robert Mueller. Meanwhile, what we learned is.
GUILFOYLE: That's what you're here for.
WILLIAMS: Yeah. More news here on Fox. Guess what? You know it's unbelievable.
GUTFELD: Guess what.
WILLIAMS: Apparently, the attorney general has been pressuring Christopher Wray, the FBI director, to go after Andrew McCabe, the number two guy. And guess what? Trump nominee, the Trump guy. And FBI said to the Trump attorney general, if you want this done, get somebody else in here. He didn't say he was going to quit, but he said he'll have somebody else do it. Oh, my gosh. So what do we have here? We have a picture -- a picture of the Trump administration right now on its heels inviting to muddy up, dirty, discredit the FBI and Robert Mueller. Meanwhile, Mueller is having stepped-up activity and it's driving not only towards the possibility of collusion, but also towards obstruction of justice. And at this moment, what do you get? A counterattack from the Trump stooges on Capitol Hill.
WILLIAMS: Yeah, imagine that. Two people having an affair are texting each other. Imagine that. People inside the FBI have opinions about ongoing investigations as if that is now reason to say the FBI, you know, is like a horse cage that needs to be cleaned up.
GUTFELD: It's a guess of guess what, Juan. Collusion only matters if it's somebody you don't like. If you don't like that person, then it's collusion. But if you like that person, it's a choice for president, then you'll ignore any real collusion, which is admitting that there was no Russian collusion. That Lynch knew ahead of time that there were thousands of texts lost and there's a secret society. But that's not collusion because you like Hillary.
WILLIAMS: No. If there was collusion I would be all with you. But I'm just saying, even at this moment, I was struck today to read that some Democrats are concerned about the impact that Russia is having right now. In the midst.
GUTFELD: Of course they are.
WILLIAMS: In the midst of the argument over the DACA program. Guess what? We've seen increased activity by these Robo things.
WATTERS: Democrats didn't care about Russia during the cold war. Now all of a sudden they care?
WATTERS: When it really mattered, when we're fighting the depth with the Russian communists, the Democrats were caving and they were appeasing. Now, when Russia is not a threat, all of a sudden they want to fight the cold war again.
WILLIAMS: Let me just say this to you, Jesse.
WILLIAMS: Chris Wray.
WILLIAMS: . what do you think, do you trust him?
WATTERS: I trust anybody that keeps emails and texts. Where did the text go, Juan?
WATTERS: Where did they go, Juan? Where did they go?
GUILFOYLE: All right.
WILLIAMS: Screaming is not an effective defense.
WATTERS: I'm not defending anything.
GUILFOYLE: Hold on. I have to go to my secret society (INAUDIBLE) Dana Perino for the final word to clean this mess up.
PERINO: Well, there's a lot of smoke coming from a lot of different directions. Where there's smoke there's a lot of fire. People learn that in investigation all the time, like former governor, Chris Christie, for example. Like basically, had bridge-gate come down, fall upon him like a ton of bricks and basically ruin his chances for future political office. So, yeah, things can happen along the way, but these investigations take a lot of time. Americans tune into the news because it is almost entertainment now.
PERINO: So, we expect something new every day. So I think that's why you have these different entities pushing one narrative and then, oh, yeah. Well, if you're going to put up the thing about the missing text, I'll put out there that the Mueller investigation interviewed the attorney general and the former FBI director. So now, we can have a new scene.
GUTFELD: And they're all equal. They're all, like -- it's like, you know, pros and cons, each one equal. They need to have a lost and found for missing texts. Somebody has got to invent that. Like, I lost 50,000 texts. Surely somebody could find those.
PERINO: I think they'll probably find them.
GUTFELD: It's the size of a small car.
PERINO: They don't know how many are missing. They had 50,000 that they've reviewed.
GUTFELD: I thought there were 50,000 missing. I should probably read more closely.
PERINO: Well, it doesn't really matter.
GUTFELD: It doesn't really matter?
PERINO: It could be 100,000 texts.
GUTFELD: It's probably half a million.
GUILFOYLE: Well, you are injured and concuss. (INAUDIBLE) Chuck Schumer goes from shutdown hero to zero with members of his own party. Lots of questions about his leadership after caving to Republicans, next.
PERINO: Thousands of federal employees returned to work today after a three-day government shutdown orchestrated and ended by Democrats. Chuck Schumer's plan did not work and he ultimately caved. Republicans, the media, and the dreamers are not going to let him forget it:
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNINDENTIFIED MALE: The Democrats giving in on the dreamers for now.
UNINDENTIFIED MALE: My message to Chuck Schumer is pretty simple. You know, we got to this point. What happen? Why did the Democratic Party have to blink first?
UNINDENTIFIED MALE: The government is open again after senate Democrats backed down from a budget and immigration standoff.
UNINDENTIFIED FEMALE: I'm outraged. We're all furious about what's going on because they have shown us that they do not care about us.
UNINDENTIFIED FEMALE: Is it fair to say that the shutdown, the government shutdown backfired for Democrats?
UNINDENTIFIED MALE: You know, again, who's hurt is more important than who is blamed.
UNINDENTIFIED MALE: This is just another form of betrayal.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PERINO: Schumer may be feeling the heat today. We're learning the minority leader has withdrawn and offered to boost funding for President Trump's proposed border wall. He said to have put it on the table during the summit that he had with the president where they have cheeseburgers and -- senate all fell apart after that. Juan, Chuck Schumer is known for being a pretty savvy politician. In 2006, he engineered the takeover of the senate by Democrats in that midterm election. Did he make a mistake here? Or was it something that he had to do?
WILLIAMS: Well, so you have to look at it through different sets of glasses, Dana. One is, if you're Chuck Schumer and think you have a chance to win the senate in the fall, then you want to protect Democrats and give them the best chance, especially Democrats -- I think there's ten Democrats who come from states that were carried by Donald Trump.
WILLIAMS: And as you know, there were four, five of them that voted initially not to have the shutdown.
WILLIAMS: And then you have this group of moderates come about that includes lots of Democrats who say, you know what? It's better not to have a shutdown. We've got these Robo calls aided by the Russian saying, oh, you're putting illegal immigrants over the interest of Americans by having a shutdown. And you know the line that came from the White House. This is about military, not about illegal immigrants and all that. And so, they felt that they were losing on that narrative drive, than Chuck Schumer was wise to go along with the moderates and say OK, let's wait another day. We're going to wait three weeks and we're going to come back to this and see what happened. The other set of glasses I would ask you to put on is the set of glasses that belongs to people who are dreamers, or who are their supporters, or people who are in the fast growing Hispanic-Latino community. And they look at it and they say, wait a second. We support Democrats. We waited through two continuing resolutions in December. We were promised that this was the moment.
PERINO: And so, they're getting the answer.
WILLIAMS: And gosh, look what you get. So, the Democrats can say, oh, we got chip, we got, you know, funding six years, I think.
PERINO: But they're not spending it very well. I think that even Democrats are admitting that this doesn't look good. There's a lot of bad headlines today, Jesse.
WATTERS: A lot of bad headlines. And I might as well be a Russian bot, Juan, because I actually said on the show that Schumer was putting illegals over the U.S. military. It doesn't take a genius to see that, except Schumer.
WATTERS: A very stable one.
WATTERS: I think Schumer thought Trump was going to wheel and deal and he just sat back and stood firm, and then Schumer spazzed out and humiliated himself. They've been pulled so far to the left by their Hispanic lobby that they walked right into a trap. And I think they think the Hispanic lobby -- I know they think the Hispanic lobby is loud and they are loud. There's a lot of activists that cost a lot of trouble.
GUILFOYLE: They've vocal.
WATTERS: They're very vocal. You know, they get out there on the streets. But I don't know if they have the clout because if you're talking about 300 million Americans here in this country, 800,000 dreamers, I just don't really see where the power is there. So, Schumer comes along and they know they need amnesty and they know they need open borders because they need new voters because they've alienated the white working class in the country. That's a fact. But at the same time, he drove off a cliff in order to achieve that. And I'm thinking to myself, who started the whole thing? It's President Obama. He timed the whole DACA deal from the jump. He knew it was temporary. He knew congress had to fix it. Trump assumes office. It was about to get smacked down by the courts, so Trump just kicked it back to the congress, now congress has to do its job.
PERINO: Greg, we can bring back that old hashtag, thanks Obama.
GUTFELD: yes, there you go. No, I think the Dems are in shock because they didn't get the assist from the media that they have expected. They were Abbott without their Costello, and it was sad. And I don't think this tantrum afterward by the left and by liberals is a good look because when you really think about it, they didn't lose anything. All of this is a pause. This is basically a 17-day bathroom break between the shutdown and what's going to happen in February 8th.
PERINO: And they actually did get the chip funding.
GUTFELD: Yeah. So, if you start screaming, you're going to look incredibly thankless. And we've already know -- as Jesse said, the narrative is actually a factual story. It's not a narrative. It's a factual story. The Dems put undocumented immigrants, illegal aliens before citizens. That's not a narrative. That's actually a documented fact.
WILLIAMS: How so?
GUTFELD: Because that how they tried to stop the bill based on DACA. What do I got to do? Do I need some semaphores to do this for you? We've been talking about this for months.
GUILFOYLE: What do you want him to do, hit his head on the door?
WILLIAMS: Excuse me. I think we have a situation here where Donald Trump is the one who undid DACA and then said I'm going to set a March deadline, and then refused to negotiate and didn't pass a budget.
WATTERS: Is it March?
GUTFELD: March? It's not even March yet.
GUTFELD: It's January.
WATTERS: We're not at the deadline.
PERINO: We've got three weeks until the next round.
GUILFOYLE: Bottom line is I think that this is voting very well for the president. I think the Democrats -- in baseball, you're like the pickle, right. They're trying to get tagged out. Thanks to crying Chuck, it's a big problem. Political capital for Schumer way down. This was a strategic move, I think by the president and his team that has worked well. Again, in keeping and consistent exactly with what he said he was going to do during the campaign. And I think more in step with the majority of Americans in terms of what they want. So, I think that this is actually going to ultimately prevail as a victory for the president, and I think we're already seeing that, perhaps, even quicker than we thought.
GUTFELD: Can I just add that -- this is what he does. Why make a deal when it's not until March? People don't do that when you're dealing. When your dealer.
GUTFELD: To make Juan happy, Trump often like to deal more than what's in the deal.
PERINO: He might be dealing for a while.
PERINO: You know, one thing I did think, and I'll wrap it up. Don't worry, mister in my ear. That if you look back at the headlines in 2013 when the Republicans caved and ended the shutdown that the headlines that Chuck Schumer is doing with today were the ones the Republicans were dealing with back then and people move on. What we really should do is try to get back to regular order and just pass a budget. All right. Ahead, NBC accused of helping spread North Korean propaganda. You decide, next.
WATTERS: North Korea isn't known for treating foreigners with respect. Remember Otto Warmbier? There's also that ongoing threat of nuclear war. So, it took a lot of people by surprise when they heard NBC's top anchor, Lester Holt, making a point to credit the country for its kind treatment during his recent visit.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
LESTOR HOLT, NBC: We arrived in North Korea on Saturday. We flew the North Korean state airline. It's about an hour and a half flight from Beijing. We have been treated with respect here. We have been invited. We are guests of the ministry of foreign affairs. We stayed at a guest house outside Pyongyang, last night. And then, we made our way to the ski resort to get a look at a part of North Korea that most Americans don't see and, certainly, a part they would like us to see.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
WATTERS: All right, Dana, do you think Lester Holt realizes he's handing the North Koreans a propaganda victory?
PERINO: Yeah, I do because I've watched a couple of these reports, and in each report he does have a little bit of a caveat, and a little bit like we get the joke here. But, I think that this video and these invitations are not meant for us. This is meant for internal propaganda brainwashing so that the leader, the dear leader, can show all the people there that live in North Korea just how respected the North Koreans -- just how wonderful their countries is. Meanwhile, most of the country is starving and it's absolutely outrageous. In The Weekly Standard, one of your favorites, Ethan Epstein writes.
PERINO: Thank you. Ethan Epstein writes a piece today, it's called, 12 times the media offered a rare glimpse into North Korea in just the last several years. So, obviously, we are being used.
WATTERS: If you were Lester, pretend you're Lester, Greg.
GUTFELD: I am.
WATTERS: Would you accept the invitation, or would you say, "No way"?
GUTFELD: I don't know. You know, imagine if "FOX & Friends" did a week of shows in North Korea. "Cooking with Friends" would be literal. You'd be, like, "Hey, the casserole looks familiar."
GUILFOYLE: Oh, my God.
GUTFELD: I like it when he says, "They showed us part of North Korea that we don't see." We don't see any part of North Korea.
GUTFELD: We only see what they lets us see.
GUTFELD: This is what's very common among communist leaders. They did this constantly with Hollywood celebrities. They would invite -- Hollywood celebrities would go to Cuba, they'd go to USSR, Venezuela. They would turn hapless naive suckers like Sean Penn into fellow traveling mouthpieces.
And because you know why? They would treat you well. They'd get you booze, they'd get you women, they'd do all sorts of stuff.
PERINO: Dennis Rodman.
GUTFELD: But the thing is, there's three -- there's some interesting things that can happen. They could be taken hostage. What do we do then? The U.S. probably cannot exercise a military option, knowing that these -- that those people are there. Or they could infect them with some kind of biological agent and send them back to the United States, which is, you know, possible.
GUILFOYLE: Do you just lay awake at night thinking about this?
GUTFELD: I think about it all the time, Kimberly.
WATTERS: All right, well, "The Five" will not be going to North Korea any time soon. Kimberly, what do you think about this?
GUILFOYLE: I mean, we just asked to go to the Super Bowl.
WATTERS: I know, and we were told no.
GUILFOYLE: And I'm thinking, well, wait a second. Because, you know, last time you went, they were like, "Send K.G."
WATTERS: Yes, "We like these segments."
GUILFOYLE: It was good.
Look, so Lester Holt has an opportunity to go there. I get it as a journalist. I don't begrudge him the opportunity but, nevertheless, I think some of the criticism is fair.
And when you actually look at the facts, the circumstance, the evidence, the intel coming out of North Korea, you see it is a barbaric, rogue regime where people are being starved. His army is starving. They're now being told to steal food from starving farmers.
He is on a charm campaign offensive for the Olympics...
GUILFOYLE: ... to try to prove there is something other than what they are. And that's why he's sending dancers and this and that over to the Olympics to see. So let not your mind be fooled.
WATTERS: Right, and part of the charm offensive, they're having the North Korean athletes train with South Korean athletes. And I think the dear leader spent about $35 million on this fancy ski resort. So it's all part of the propaganda.
WILLIAMS: Yes, absolutely. And the key political point is here you will have 22 North Korean athletes marching with the South Korean delegation...
WILLIAMS: ... into the Olympics, and this is a real show of unity. And so you have Moon Jae-In, the president of South Korea, agreeing to this kind of detente, it's not necessarily in the interests of the United States as we try to put pressure on North Korea to hold back in terms of their nuclear weapons.
GUILFOYLE: Sanctions are working, yes.
WILLIAMS: And the sanctions regime, as Kimberly just said, all of that now starts to fall and be uncertain. And I think part of it is to have Americans come in. They had Vice come in. We've seen others go in. Lester Holt go in. The idea is to, you know, humanize them, soften them up. Here they are at the ski resort.
But it's just -- again, this is propaganda. And you've got to see it for what it is.
WATTERS: All right. Ahead, another anthem controversy just before the Super Bowl.
WILLIAMS: As you know, Super Bowl LII all set. Both teams, Patriots and Eagles. It will close out a very controversial season for the NFL, and the anthem controversy well, that isn't over.
The league is now under fire yet again, this time for rejecting a proposed ad for the game's program. A veterans group called AMVETS wanted to urge people to, quote, "please stand," end quote, for our national anthem. They were turned down.
The NFL's reason, quote, "The Super Bowl game program has never been a place for advertising that could be considered by some as a political statement. The NFL has long supported the military and veterans and will again salute our service members in the Super Bowl." what do you think I'm a Kimberly
GUILFOYLE: Yes, I mean, look, I'm done with this kneeling thing, to be 100 percent honest with you. It's enough already. I think the message got completely convoluted.
Let's show respect for our military, for our veterans, for the patriots that have served this country and continue to serve, those that have given their lives and to honor their families who have lost their loved ones in serve. So for me, I think, like, OK, this is the Super Bowl. Let's pull together, people. And don't make it, you know, about you or your individual particular ideology, you know, of the day. Something that you want to flash on. And do something about the team and play the sport and honor the occasion.
WILLIAMS: Well, so the NFL did approve "Please honor our veterans" and "Please stand for our veterans" but Jesse, they did not approve "Please stand."
WATTERS: I'm going to invoke my "View" rule, which is if you want something from someone right around the corner, don't criticize them. So I'm trying to go to the Super Bowl, and I need tickets. I need a lot from the NFL. Even a credential.
GUILFOYLE: Did you ask?
WATTERS: So I'm going to hold my tongue here. What?
GUILFOYLE: Did you ask?
PERINO: How reasonable you can be.
WATTERS: We're working on it, Kimberly, on multiple levels. But in all seriousness, they've had a bad year, and they've had a bad year before that. And before that when it came to domestic abuse, when it became, you know, the Deflategate debacle and now the kneeling controversy with Kaepernick. You know, they're letting people wear socks with pigs on them. It's cops. And they don't let an ad that's pro-military on. It just doesn't make any sense. You can't square anything the NFL has done when it comes to the military recently. I don't get it.
I was denied a flyover when I was at the Eagles game because of the Schumer shutdown the other day. I'm very upset, on a number of levels.
GUTFELD: Jesse was denied.
WILLIAMS: You notice he has a lot in common with his mentor. It's all about Jesse.
GUILFOYLE: You just -- you just like -- you just killed your chance, just so you know, with that litany, that whole list of NFL failures.
WILLIAMS: The NBA and the NHL both accepted the ad for their all-star game programs.
PERINO: Yes, I don't know. I mean, I feel like the NFL really -- they have had a bad run. And they stumbled out of the gate and then have never quite really gained their footing ever since.
GUTFELD: Three sports metaphors.
PERINO: Thank you. Thank you.
I think that, in some ways, what they could have done is just -- I understand the reason that they decided not to do it. But what they could have said is, "Does anybody else want to run an ad?" But if they had done that, then there would've been a controversy surrounding that.
So this is what I hope for America. Let's just have the Super Bowl. Let's enjoy. Let's have the Eagles win.
PERINO: Go for the Eagles.
WATTERS: All right, Dana.
PERINO: Then there can be a clean slate. And everybody can stand for the anthem next year. Period.
WILLIAMS: So NBC, which has the game this year, Greg, says they will show any of the players that kneel, but no player on either team has kneeled, I think, in the last -- is it four or five weeks, since week 12.
WATTERS: Not for a while.
WILLIAMS: So this, then, is the big controversy. But is it a controversy? I mean, I don't think the fans would have even known about it if people hadn't objected.
GUTFELD: I think, yes -- I think the NFL drew more attention to it by rejecting it, which is now our "D" block. If they hadn't rejected it, this would not be our "D" block, and we'd be talking about something else. I'm not sure what.
WATTERS: Crooked Hillary, probably.
GUTFELD: I think Crooked Hillary would be a good replacement.
The Super Bowl -- OK, they reject -- they reject an ad like that but will approve of just about anything to run in a commercial on television, where they combine the most disturbing messages with food and with alcohol and, like, they'll have -- they'll have women, you know, with a giant sandwich doing stuff that, like, you know, you'd have to send your kids out of the room.
WATTERS: Carl's Jr.
GUTFELD: Yes. And then the Super Bowl -- yes, Carl's Jr. And then you have the halftime. Generally, the halftime, they will allow you to do anything, because it's a celebrity. So it's kind of weird that they pick and choose what messages are approved and what aren't.
WILLIAMS: I have a final question for you, because you're our music critic. Pink is going to sing "The Star-Spangled Banner." How will Pink do, Greg?
GUILFOYLE: She's fantastic.
GUTFELD: I think she'll do fine.
WILLIAMS: You like Pink?
GUTFELD: I wouldn't have picked her.
WILLIAMS: You wouldn't?
WATTERS: Who would you have picked?
WILLIAMS: Who would you pick?
GUTFELD: I'd have picked Slayer. They're on their final tour. Slayer's on their final tour. You can have, like, a whole metal -- metal halftime with Slayer and Power Trip. You'd have Anthrax.
GUILFOYLE: Nobody wants that.
GUTFELD: Testament could be there.
WATTERS: No Timberlake.
GUILFOYLE: No Timberlake, you know. I think that would be good.
GUILFOYLE: Pink is an excellent performer. She has great vocals. So no one cares about your who slaying situation.
WATTERS: Slaying situation.
WILLIAMS: Did you -- did you like Jimi Hendrix's version?
GUTFELD: Fantastic, yes.
WILLIAMS: Anyway, next, Hawaii's governor finally reveals what took them so long to notify the public that they weren't about to get hit by an incoming ballistic missile. Wait until you hear why. Gregory has the story.
GUILFOYLE: Guess what?
GUTFELD: So right after the Hawaii Emergency Management Agency sent a fake missile alert, scaring the crap out of everybody, one question remained: Where the hell was their governor? Because even though David Ige knew the alert was wrong just two minutes later, he didn't tell the public for 17 long minutes. Why is that? Surely, he had a perfect reason for leaving everyone in a panic. Was the surf just too inviting to leave?
Well, finally he confessed: He didn't know his Twitter password. So think about that: Here's a state governor who thinks he can only communicate by Twitter, which raises the question, is the state run by teenagers?
GUTFELD: No, it's worse. It's run by Democrats, which basically are teenagers with power.
GUILFOYLE: I like that.
GUTFELD: I mean, there are other options to communicate by. There is something called TV and radio. And there's the handy telephone. He's the Hawaiian governor, he could have called Magnum P.I.
But he couldn't even calm a panic without his Twitter password. Maybe he should've put it on a Post-It note and left it on the computer like that other guy did in Hawaii.
Look, we've all forgotten passwords. That's why I keep mine simple. There you go. It's gone now.
But you don't need a password to stand in front of a camera and repeat "False alarm, go back to bed." But apparently, Hawaiian governance is amateur hour. A state run by Democrats who not only have a hard time logging onto Twitter but also reality. Which reminds me, maybe think twice about ripping Trump over his tweets. At least he knows how.
It's funny, isn't it? You know what's also funny? Is that they showed my password for one second. Nobody could even read it.
PERINO: I know. What did it say?
GUTFELD: It said "I love unicorns forevah."
GUILFOYLE: So you are a teenager too.
GUTFELD: At heart. Or I have a teenager's heart. In my locker.
GUILFOYLE: But you're not a Democrat.
PERINO: You know what this proves?
PERINO: That "Veep" is more realistic than "The West Wing."
GUTFELD: Yes. So true.
GUTFELD: It's true.
PERINO: This would've actually happened.
GUILFOYLE: What about "Scandal?"
PERINO: Yes, I don't watch that.
GUTFELD: I don't watch. "Scandal" has...
GUILFOYLE: You know what?
GUTFELD: ... jumped the crazy shark.
GUILFOYLE: You know what? Don't disavow.
GUTFELD: Terrible. I watched 5 minutes of "Scandal," and I'm like, "This is so stupid."
GUILFOYLE: You're lying, because you told me, and we used to discuss the episodes.
GUTFELD: That was before -- that's when it was normal.
By the way, let's get back to bashing Hawaii. That's what were here for.
GUILFOYLE: No. We may need to go there. Jesse says.
WATTERS: It's true.
WATTERS: Hold our fire.
GUTFELD: ... is it weird that he decided that there's only one way? Like, he could have -- he could have said, "Wait, I'm the governor. I'll call Obama. I'll call Obama. He can do his Twitter." Or he can just call anybody.
PERINO: Call the president.
GUTFELD: Call the president.
PERINO: Call the president and ask him to do it. He probably would have done it.
WATTERS: Yes, but at least he didn't email his password to hackers like Podesta.
WATTERS: All these people, it's like Weiner, Hillary, and the governor of Hawaii, it's not the best and brightest we have to offer.
But I think we should do what Juan does. Juan apparently has a Twitter valet. It's like some little minion that helps him with his Twitter. I don't see why they didn't have some intern for the governor that would know.
GUILFOYLE: Like Greg has a wine valet.
GUTFELD: I do have a wine valet. It's amazing.
GUILFOYLE: Yes, I love it.
GUTFELD: It's amazing how he pours the wine. I should show you a picture.
GUILFOYLE: Oh, my God.
GUTFELD: Juan, it seems like this state is run by, like, teenagers.
WILLIAMS: Why are you whacking on Hawaii week after week? I don't get it.
GUTFELD: Because they scared the hell out of my wife.
WILLIAMS: Yes, OK.
WATTERS: Only you're allowed to do that.
GUTFELD: I'm only -- this vendetta is going to last a long time.
WILLIAMS: You know what? I accept that. That makes sense. Because I'm thinking to myself, why is Greg going there? This thing, somebody made a mistake.
WATTERS: It's personal.
WILLIAMS: They come back, they've said now they're going to have a two- person active team. So one person can't make a mistake in the future.
GUTFELD: Why can't he pick up the phone? These people knew in two minutes. The officials knew two minutes.
WILLIAMS: But don't you know people who forget their password?
GUTFELD: Yes, but that's what I mean. You go, like, I don't -- why do I need Twitter, Kimberly? I can just call -- I am a governor. I can pick up the phone.
GUILFOYLE: Well, I mean, and don't you have a communications team, like someone that knows how to work a device? I mean, even if there was some situation. Even the president has Dan Scavino.
GUILFOYLE: You know what I'm saying?
WATTERS: Shut up.
GUILFOYLE: Shut up.
PERINO: I mean, it's not like everybody is working on Saturday morning in the government.
PERINO: That's probably like...
PERINO: ... scattered.
GUTFELD: So what? The guy...
PERINO: You should know your own Twitter password. I agree.
GUILFOYLE: This is ridiculous.
GUTFELD: No, the point that that's the way he thought. It's like...
PERINO: Remember in the story earlier, that you did last week, they had the password was on the Post-It note on the computer.
GUTFELD: I know. I mentioned that in my monologue.
PERINO: I know. Not everybody gets it. Because they went so fast with your "Greg loves a unicorn."
GUTFELD: I wish I had another head injury.
WILLIAMS: You know what happened?
GUILFOYLE: It relaxed him.
WILLIAMS: Today -- today my phone started, like, vibrating, it was going off so much. And it said that somebody was using my password in another city.
WILLIAMS; So I called my wife, and I said, "Are you trying to use my password?" She said yes. But I mean, it's like, you know.
GUTFELD: That's interesting.
GUILFOYLE: What was she doing? Maybe she was, like, you know, snooping on you.
PERINO: Maybe she needs the iTunes password to listen to music.
WILLIAMS: You know, snoop.
GUTFELD: A secret society w don't know about. "One More Thing" is up next.
GUILFOYLE: Oh, my God.
GUILFOYLE: OK. It's time now for "One More Thing." And another fantastic, highly acclaimed edition of "Kimberly's Food Court." Da, da-da, da-daa, da.
Today is -- Greg, get your head out of my shot. Today is National Pie Day, and of course, I love the apple pie. And here it is right here.
So what's exciting about this is the American Pie Council has some tips about what you can do. You can bake or purchase -- I'm hurrying. You can bake or purchase a pie. You can even give one to first responders, law enforcement. You can also host a pie party and invite all your friends. If he invite Jesse, he wants vanilla ice cream.
WILLIAMS: What about your neighbor? Can you give pie to your neighbor?
GUILFOYLE: Yes, give pie to your neighbor. This is a little tough. A little pie cutter, it's very good.
GUTFELD: Do you remember in old shows, they'd have pies resting on a windowsill and somebody would steal it.
GUILFOYLE: Juan. I think it's really exciting.
WATTERS: Thank you.
GUTFELD: What a weird crime, people stealing pies off windowsills.
GUILFOYLE: It's not just a holiday food.
GUTFELD: Remember that? That was, like, a thing.
PERINO: When a pie was cooling.
WATTERS: The good old days.
GUILFOYLE: I'm going, I'm going.
PERINO: All right. Jesse, you're next.
WATTERS: I want to know more -- I want to know more about this National Pie Council.
WATTERS: That will be our lead tomorrow.
All right. This is some incredible video. This is a surfer off the coast of Portugal. This guy is riding a 100-foot wave.
WATTERS: His name is Sebastian "The Dude" Studner (oh). I actually just gave him that nickname. He's Germany -- He's German. He's 32 years old. He's a big-wave competitive surfer and just ripped it up. Historic wave right there. And survived. So amazing.
PERINO: Wow, so did he get -- did he get an award?
WATTERS: No, he just gets to be on "One More Thing."
PERINO: On "One More Thing."
WILLIAMS: That's pretty good. That was awesome.
GUILFOYLE: Greg was hoarding...
WILLIAMS: The Grammy Awards are here in New York this weekend, first time in 15 years. The highlight, I expect, is going to be when the lifetime achievement award is given to Neil Diamond.
GUILFOYLE: I love him.
WILLIAMS: The 77-year-old singer announced he's retiring from touring this week after being diagnosed with Parkinson's. He's not throwing in the towel just yet, though. The man who brought us "Sweet Caroline," a feature at Red Sox games, will continue to sing and write songs.
You know, I've heard about "Crackling Rose," "Solitary Man," but my favorite Neil Diamond song comes from the movie "E.T." It's called "Heart Light."
PERINO: Are you going to play it? You don't have it?
WILLIAMS: I thought they were going to play it, but they did not.
PERINO: But that was sweet.
GUILFOYLE: OK, well, you can Google it.
GUTFELD: That's the only Neil that should be at the Super Bowl.
GUTFELD: Yes, yesterday, I don't know if you remember. Oh, wait, it's time for this.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GRAPHIC: Greg's Surveillance Camera Footage of His Accident Yesterday News.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: "Greg's Surveillance Camera Footage of His Accident Yesterday News."
WATTERS: No way.
GUTFELD: We have surveillance -- we actually have surveillance video of me getting hit in the head by a a large solid door. If you notice, I got whacked. But it's great. We have cameras everywhere. So let's take a look at how -- what happened.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
(GUY IN POKEMON COSTUME RUNNING INTO SOMETHING, FALLING DOWN)
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: You'll see me coming towards the door. That's me. Oh, and then I get hit. It was pretty brutal. I had to fill out a workmen's comp form for this.
GUILFOYLE: Yes, you have to.
GUTFELD: I have to. I'm getting a CAT scan.
PERINO: Look at all the help that you got.
GUTFELD: I know. Those people were so nice to me.
WILLIAMS: Where's the toy store? That's a great toy store.
GUILFOYLE: Wait, don't we have actual footage of you?
GUTFELD: I'm happy, very happy. Anyway, that's it.
PERINO: You're not supposed to jump around if you have a concussion.
GUTFELD: I know. I learned.
PERINO: OK, so my "One More Thing" is very family-friendly, as in my own family. It's about the Rawlins Police Department in Rawlins, Wyoming, right there in I-80.
Take a look at this. My mom and aunt are from Rawlins, Wyoming. And this is David Greninger (ph). And he has a Vizsla named Bella. And that is his k-9 dog. She's a certified drug dog and a beloved member of the Rawlins force.
GUTFELD: Keep him away from me.
PERINO: And also, they have a yellow lab. His name is Nacho. Nacho Dog.
GUILFOYLE: That is so cute.
PERINO: Get it.
WATTERS: Nacho cheese.
PERINO: And my Aunt Patty Sue and Uncle Rodney still live in Rawlins, Wyoming. And in fact, they own Memory Lanes, the bowling alley. But it's for sale. So if you're in the market for a bowling alley, it's for sale.
GUILFOYLE: How cute.
WILLIAMS: Nacho Dog reminds me of a corny joke.
GUTFELD: That's only if you have money to spare, right, Dana?
PERINO: Yes, if you have money to spare, don't put it in the gutter.
GUILFOYLE: You should hit your head more often.
WILLIAMS: You know my favorite -- my favorite Dana's corny joke is jalapeno.
PERINO: Jalapeno business.
GUILFOYLE: Jalapeno business.
PERINO: Nacho cheese. Yes, Juan, that's a throwback to an old corny joke.
GUTFELD: Juan gives the punch line to jokes first.
WILLIAMS: That's how I remember them. I keep them in my brain sack (ph).
GUILFOYLE: Set your DVRs. Never miss an episode of "The Five." "Special Report" is next with Bret Baier. Get out of my shot.
GUTFELD: I love that joke.
BRET BAIER, FOX NEWS: Thank you, Kimberly. We never get pie here.
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