This is a rush transcript from "The Five," January 12, 2018. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
KIMBERLY GUILFOYLE, "THE FIVE" CO-HOST: Hello, everyone. I'm Kimberly Guilfoyle along with Juan Williams, Jesse Watters, Dana Perino, and Greg Gutfeld. It's 5:00 p.m. in New York City and this is "The Five."
Immigration negotiations sidetracked by a storm of a comment by President Trump yesterday that he now claims were not accurately reported. The president said, the language used by me at the DACA meeting was tough, but this was not the language used. What was really tough was the outlandish proposal made a big setback for DACA.
Never said anything derogatory about Haitians other than Haiti is, obviously, a very poor and troubled country. Never said take them out. Made up by Dems. I have a wonderful relationship with Haitians. Probably should record future meetings. Unfortunately, no trust.
Mr. Trump didn't respond to questions today about the incident after a ceremony at the White House. Here is how some of the president's frequent critics reacted to the report.
(START VIDEO CLIP)
DON LEMON, CNN HOST: The president of the United States is racist.
REP. LUIS GUTIERREZ, D-ILLINOIS: We now know that we have in the White House someone who could lead the Ku Klux Klan in the United States of America, somebody who could be the leader of the neo-Nazis and publish just his words.
AL SHARPTON, AMERICAN CIVIL RIGHTS ACTIVIST: This is someone who has chosen a path that is absolutely racism with steroids.
ANDERSON COOPER, JOURNALIST AND HOST, CNN: Perhaps the White House feels the president's remarks will well received in some parts of the country, among some parts, the president's base. And perhaps that is true. But it doesn't make what he said any less ignorant or any less racist.
JASON JOHNSON, MSNBC CONTRIBUTOR: Our president is a clear and present danger to non-white people in America. It's that simple.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUILFOYLE: All right, so, obviously, some widespread criticism. And of course, people on the left, Jesse, that have disfavor with the president find that he is racist and bring his base and to say that the base is also racist and that he shouldn't be in the White House, not fit to govern.
JESSE WATTERS, "THE FIVE" CO-HOST: Yes, I mean, the leftist seized on this, but Trump gave them the weapon. He should not have said it. It wasn't a classy thing to say. It was crude. It was rude. I wouldn't say it but Trump is offensive. We've known Trump is offensive for a very long time. So, it shouldn't come as any surprise.
GUILFOYLE: He also issued a denial of it.
WATTERS: Yes, no one knows exactly what was said except him and the people in the room. But putting that aside, the point he was making is that these countries that he was talking about -- I don't believe S hole countries, they are impoverished, they are riddled with corruption, and they have a lot of problems. What that said, he was saying he believes in merit based immigration.
That was, I think, what he was trying to get at, because people in the room are saying, let's do a deal, let's bring in these people from third world countries, and the president has made it very clear, he wants to bring in people that are based on merit, whether it's a high education, whether it's English speaking.
Those are the things that he wants to focus on. Immigration policy, he is trying to put forth, that's the priority for him. What got lost in his gaffe, I would say, was that people now are talking about that. And the deal is really hanging in the balance. He had a lot of momentum going into this. The tax thing was doing great. He had a great meeting and he was going to bring together a lot of people on the immigration overhaul.
Now, all that's been lost, so he needs to do a lot to regain the momentum. I dislike the people on the left who -- and I know people and you know people who have been at cocktail people, they call the Bronx (ph) an S-hole. They call middle America and S-hole. These people that are in their studio, they're putting people down, they live in different parts of the country, they call the Celtics (ph), they call Christians bad things, people that say bad things, you know.
What did Obama say about bitter clingers (ph)? Hillary called half of the country deplorable people. So the reaction in the media when they say Trump says this about another country, there have been Democrats that said horrible things about people in our own country and have not gotten criticized nearly as much as the president.
So there's a little hypocrisy there, but again with that said, obviously, the president said the wrong thing here and has to do a lot better moving forward when it comes to blunt talk.
GUILFOYLE: OK, all right, so, Dana, how do you see this in terms of, you know, the communications being handled by the White House in response to this?
DANA PERINO, "THE FIVE" CO-HOST: Well, you know, if they wanted to deny it, last night would have been the night to deny it. Apparently , there were reports that there were calls being made as to check in with people that they would like to talk to and everybody was given the thumb's up. And then this morning, that changed and he said that's not actually what I said.
So we are actually two things now. We are having people who are defending the comments, but even if he didn't say the comments, the comments are OK. I mean, some of the defenders are saying that. So, agreeing with what Jesse said, it's not exactly surprising that you would have profanity in the White House. This happened in every White House.
Remember in 2000 when I think President Bush, at the time a candidate said at one of The New York Times reporters, was a major league A-hole.
GREG GUTFELD, "THE FIVE" CO-HOST: Really? Damn.
PERINO: And (INAUDIBLE) said big time. OK, then you have Joe Biden in the White House saying -- when he was about to sign Obamacare, you know, Mr. President, this is a big F-ing deal. Profanity is not the issue. The sentiment is.
But I would say that aside from all of that, I don't need to go into how I feel about it, he question is, what do you want to accomplish and what do you need to do and who do you need to help you do it? And Senator Dick Durbin is one of those people.
And what happened is, this makes it so much harder for Dick Durbin to convince Democrats to go along with him, to try to get this deal done. And this is not just about the DACA deal.
PERINO: It's about the spending and the chip money for children's health insurance program because now there are Democrats on that side that are going to dig in and they're going to say, I am not going to want to be a part that, you have to push back harder on President Trump.
The sad thing is on Tuesday they had a really good meeting. And by Friday now I think they're farther apart and they were earlier in the week. And they got seven days until the next government shutdown.
GUILFOYLE: OK. So, Greg, it wasn't (INAUDIBLE) timing to say at least (INAUDIBLE) Dana points out Durbin and others and a bit of a physician that president is denying that he said this. But the timing of it perhaps should have come quickly on the Hill yesterday. Where does it go from here? What do you make of it?
GUTFELD: Well, Durbin is a bozo. Let's be frank on this one. I mean, this is a guy who said chain migration is a racist term because of the word chain. So let's not forget that. The big issue, the thing that really bugs me, it's not fair that all the other networks get to say the word and we can't.
WATTERS: That's your take?
GUTFELD: You know when you were a kid and one of your friends' parents lets him go see R-rated movies, but your parents won't. That's Fox News. They won't let us say the word. Actually, they haven't told this, but --
PERINO: Fox News is the parent?
GUTFELD: If the Fox News is saying -- you know what I mean? I asked if we could say the word and they said we could not.
GUILFOYLE: They shut you down?
GUTFELD: Yes, they shut me down.
GUILFOYLE: (INAUDIBLE) here.
GUTFELD: There is also a sense here. I don't appreciate the language either. In fact, actually, when you hear it, you go, you know, I hope he means the countries and not the people.
GUILFOYLE: Don't you think that -- I mean, he's not afraid --
GUTFELD: I am hoping. I am hoping, but that has to be asked, if he means the people. He needs to clarify, did he mean the countries? I am hoping he meant the country. He could prove that by just saying merit based immigration can take people from those S-hole countries. You have to separate these two issues.
I can believe that these countries are really bad, but people that come there can be really good. That's all he has to do. I think -- like I say, I find the word terrible and all of that stuff. But I am not going to be self-righteous about it. Because when I watch the media do it, I just want to -- I just can't handle how self-righteous the sanctimonious they are.
I mean, these are people that if they went to a gym and there wasn't the right smoothie bar in there, they would call that an S hole, especially if they were living in New York City. If a gym did not have a personalized TV in front of their stair climber, that's an S-hole. I mean, everybody uses that word. You are right about the sentiment. That is why I think that you have to divide it.
But the point is, and then I will shut up, it's always going to be about rhetoric versus action. Right now, nothing Donald Trump has done in terms of action has been the problem. In fact, the country is doing really well. We have high optimism in small business. We got crazy stock market. People are getting bonuses. There might be a secular revolution. You are seeing North Korea things happening.
But the issue among the media is always going to be this coarse rhetoric which we all, I think, admit has always been the problem. Donald Trump makes Donald Trump a heavy lift for everybody. Because it's like a four- hour drive to Disneyland right when it's closing. You only get an hour ride. And that's what Trump is. He's a four-hour ride to Disneyland when it's about to close.
As long as the economy does well and his actions are good, people will accept this heavy lift. But the economy goes down and there is an ugly -- something bad happens, then it's going to be an issue. I think people already know what they got.
GUILFOYLE: Right. People are getting caught up on semantics. You know, disapprove of the language. This is nothing new that we've seen in White House administration or Congress, whatever, every place, workplace. However, Greg, he brought up one good point finally, thank God.
GUILFOYLE: The list of accomplishments. We are super focused here on the language, but what about the accomplishments? Shouldn't the Democrats be fair and focus on that as well?
JUAN WILLIAMS, "THE FIVE" CO-HOST: I think anybody can be fair, but this is not about being fair. The man told a lie this morning that compounded his racial comments yesterday. His own White House did not deny it. And now he comes out. I guess he is watching "Fox & Friends." But even people who are "Star Wars" supporters are saying hey, this is really unforgivable. He shouldn't have done this. It's wrong.
And then he said, I didn't quite say it that way. You know, the language was not quite the same. I am amazed how many Republicans are put into the difficult position of having to defend President Trump over and over again. And distracting from the agenda, maybe it's intentional distraction, I don't know. But in this case, he has offended people so deeply, yet Republicans are like, like Paul Ryan, you know, it was wrong, that should have not done.
But he won't say, you know what, this is across the line. You can't say this about fellow people in this world, certainly Americans. How many Haitian Americans, African-Americans are making a great contribution to this country? People who are hardworking. To Greg's point, this is not about the countries, Greg. It is about the people.
GUTFELD: He hasn't clarified that. He hasn't clarified that.
WILLIAMS: Allow me to speak. The reason that I say it is about the people is because it was in the course of a discussion about the lottery. You know, he wants the lottery done away with. Why do we need a lottery to get in here? He wants to cut legal immigration in half. The lottery system, he objects to on the basis that it should be about merit, it shouldn't be about a lottery.
WILLIAMS: The lottery was created, however, because there is a shortage of people coming from certain countries in the normal flow. So the idea was we are going to try to engineer it as to repair that and create opportunities for people from all over the world as American immigrants. He then comes back and says, oh no, we don't want people from those countries.
That's about people, Greg. And to say that -- imagine what you would say to the Irish, the Irish coming from famine, the Jews coming from Germany, the Italians. I got what you're saying now. And you're saying about people of color.
GUTFELD: I get it. I get it.
GUILFOYLE: They want to come here because their countries aren't doing well.
WILLIAMS: Comparing them to Norwegians.
GUTFELD: If he said meritocracy based immigration allows people from those countries in, it's fine. But if he says it doesn't, then you're right. But we don't know that.
WILLIAMS: It would be contrary to what we see on the statue of liberty. It doesn't say we will take your brightest and richest. It says we will take people --
GUTFELD: So you are against the whole meritocracy thing?
WILLIAMS: No, no, no. Let's have a discussion. What I am saying is, what he said yesterday was so deeply offensive and wrong. I can't believe that Republicans and even Trump people should be up in arms. He somehow suggested oh, his people would agree to this? They are not all racist.
GUTFELD: I think they understand that he is your rude, rich uncle.
GUILFOYLE: He is using colorful language and nevertheless when you look at the merits of what he is talking about, should be a merit based system. There are serious significant problems with chain migration. So, language aside, those have to be dealt with in a responsible way.
The private and security debate front and center again on Capitol Hill as the senate now takes on the new FISA bill, next.
PERINO: A bill to extend the NSA authority to conduct foreign surveillance on U.S. soil passed easily in the House yesterday. Now, the Senate is considering the measure. FISA supporters see the act as a vital tool to stop terrorism.
(START VIDEO CLIP)
JACK KEANE, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: If we had it before 9-11, likely we would have detected what they were doing. We would have the full authority to monitor, to track their phone calls and also to surveil their phone calls. In other words, listen to them. We had it since. It makes all the sense in the world. It is critical if we are going to give our intelligence agency, particularly the National Security Agency, the ability to monitor terrorists' phone calls.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PERINO: Privacy advocates like Rand Paul are concerned about Americans getting caught up in warrantless spying.
(START VIDEO CLIP)
SEN. RAND PAUL, R-KENTUCKY: What we have is a program called the foreign intelligence surveillance act and you're supposed to be or the granted power is to spy on foreigners in foreign lands. I am all for that. We need to protect our country. Millions of Americans are recorded in there.
So if the president calls a European leader or the Russian leader, the Chinese leader, the president's phone call is recorded, believe it or not. There are a lot of innocent people who are in here and it should not be searched for American data without a warrant. All we are asking is, go to a judge and have some evidence to get started. Warrants are not that difficult to get.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
PERINO: The senator threatened to filibuster, but he can't. Mitch McConnell set up a parliamentary path to block him next week. So, it looks like it is going to pass. Greg, is that good or bad?
GUTFELD: Yes, it's good. I think it's good. But, you know, I love spying. You can't connect the dots without the dots. And if you don't think we need dots, then your dot is you probably hate people with freckles. That is, the least secure countries in the world are also the least free. And I know this is why I lose all my libertarian credentials. I don't care. I'll take the heat. I love heat.
Freedom and security, they are not these things in conflict. They are actually like spouses that enhance each other. And you can't be the freest country, the most beloved country in the world, the country everybody wants to go to without being the most secure. You have to have that.
And there is a way to do that and still be even more free. The problem is we get stuck in this weird argument. It's an argument that existed before technology and terror, which is that security somehow, it impinges on freedom. It doesn't, it enhances it.
PERINO: (INAUDIBLE), Jesse, it is a six-year re-authorization, so we may not ever have to talk about it again in this room. We might still be on air.
WATTERS: Thank, God.
GUTFELD: Some of us.
PERINO: Betting on yourself again?
WATTERS: Few things wrong, but one of the things they got right were these tools they put in place to track down terrorists. Enhance interrogation, block sites were incredible tools that they put in place after 9-11. But I think the FISA and the warrantless surveillance was the best thing they did.
It stopped over 50 to 60 plots. Some plots were targeting the New York City subway, the New York stock exchange. They identify the bomber from this. They can track down cyber threats. So I think this is fine.
Right now, I think we are surveilling 100,000 foreigners overseas. Sometimes those foreigners call here. And they may or may not talk to an American. That automatically gets picked up. It doesn't get read, but it get stored. And sometimes you need to look into the American phone call or e-mail quickly.
The argument against Rand Paul is that you don't have time. If there is a ticking time bomb situation, Kimberly knows, if you are really trying to go after these people hardcore, you don't have time to go to a judge and get a warrant. That's the argument. You can always go backwards. If you lean forward on the war on terror, this is crucial. He is not going to be able to do the filibuster so it doesn't even matter.
PERINO: Yes. Kimberly, there has been successful challenge to this, I don't think, from a privacy perspective in the court, is that right?
GUILFOYLE: Yes. Because when you think about what is weighed in the balance in terms of national security or dealing with terrorism or dealing with circumstances where time is of the essence, quick response, you have to be able to get that and narrow that down. We saw things like this in terms of, remember San Bernardino and the terrorists there, and try to be able to track them and track them through the cellphones immediately through direct messaging or other, you know, encryption.
It's really a battle against these really and well defined and pretty sophisticated means of communication that we have now today with telegraph and signals and encryption and then also trying to balance that, trying to work cooperatively with some of these phone providers, things of that nature, like we saw Apple push back and try to protect their users and not let you have the information.
But I understand from prosecutor's perspective of wanting to get that. I don't think anybody is trying to go and trying to abuse it. As weird as Greg is, we really want to hear what he is doing with his phone? No.
GUTFELD: You would be lucky if you knew, Kimberly.
PERINO: People who support this intelligence and law enforcement say there are protections for Americans embedded in this. It seems like it's never enough for the ones who have privacy concerns.
WILLIAMS: Well, the number one person is Donald Trump. Yesterday, he did a total flip flop, right, initially tweeting that he was opposed to the extension of this law, and apparently looking at his own circumstance and saying, oh, maybe some of the Trump campaign people got caught up when America was, guess what, tapping phones in Russia and hurt some of his campaigners.
He said, oh, no, this is a terrible thing. And then he gets into whether it's unmasking that is involved because, as Jesse just explained to you, sometimes, American agent have this looked and see what was said especially if they identified potential threat.
And then Donald Trump apparently was then pressured by Paul Ryan and others who said, hey, wait a second, don't forget we are trying to protect the country. It is not about something bigger than you, it is about the terrorist threat. And you see people from across the political spectrum saying this is important.
But when you come back to it, it is what Donald Trump's initial objection was. I think Judge Napolitano said on our own network said it opens the door to people getting caught up. American citizens in this wider net.
So you get people like Rand Paul, Mike Lee and others saying, hey, wait a second, let's put in some of these protections. But right now I think people are so worried the protections could limit the capacity of our agents that they are not willing to do it. To me, the story here is Donald Trump.
PERINO: But it is going to pass. He said he is going to sign it. So we might actually have bipartisanship.
PERINO: All right, one celebrity takes on another for an insensitive tweet following the California mudslides, next.
WILLIAMS: We have seen the heartbreaking pictures of the California mud slide. It's devastating out west. At least 17 dead, people missing, hundreds of homes destroyed, many roads still closed.
Apparently one actress didn't watch the news, because she didn't know what was affecting her commute. Bell Thorne tweeted, quote, F you 101 to Santa Barbara. I'm missing my boyfriend's first date on his tour, end quote.
Well, that tweet didn't sit well with fellow actor Rob Lowe. He fired back on social media, quote, this attitude is why people hate celebrities, Hollywood. Bella, I'm sorry you were inconvenienced. We will try to move out our dead quicker, end quote.
Gee, that prompted Thorne to delete her original tweet. She then posted another one. Quote, expletive, just caught up on some news. Had no idea why the 101 was shut down. Get home to your family safe.
The man who hates Hollywood on this show, Greg Gutfeld.
GUTFELD: I get with Rob Lowe, why he was upset, but we've all been guilty of this and it's like, you know, she is a young person. Young people make mistakes. I imagine if Instagram or Twitter were around when Rob Lowe was young, he might have had a few problems, if you know what I mean. Look --
GUILFOYLE: I'm sure it was Snapchat --
GUTFELD: Snapchat instead. My point is this. You know, she made a mistake. I -- human beings have a hard time thinking globally when something is happening to them.
For example, there are studies on this. If you have a hangnail, you will think about that hangnail. You won't think about a boat capsizing, you know, off the coast of Libya. That you'll be thinking about that.
I went through the same -- I was on a train ride with my wife. We were going to -- from the U.K. -- London to Birmingham in the U.K. And the train got stuck for 3 hours because somebody had jumped in front of it. And you know, everybody -- the only thing that people are thinking about -- they're not thinking about that guy or the family of the guy. They're thinking about, are we going to miss this important doctor's appointment? Are we going to be able to get there for the audition? That's how humans think. It's a flaw. It's part of natural selection to think about ourselves, and that's why -- I can't believe I'm actually defending a shallow and superficial idea.
GUILFOYLE: And using Darwin to do it.
GUTFELD: Yes, I did. Thank you very much.
WILLIAMS: So I'll take the other point of view, which is Rob Lowe identified her as a very self-involved actress.
WILLIAMS: All concerned about her boyfriend but showing a tremendous lack of understanding about -- or empathy for people who were suffering as a result of these mudslides.
GUILFOYLE: You're saying that Rob Lowe showed a lack of empathy?
GUILFOYLE: Or she did.
WILLIAMS: No, that's what he said.
GUILFOYLE: I guess she's saying she had no idea what was going on. So, you know, it's obvious. I'll take her at her word. Perhaps this was an innocent mistake. She tried to -- perhaps we could have been more artful or eloquent in making kind of an apology or saying she didn't realize it. But he's mad because he thought she did know. And she's like, "Uh-oh, I didn't know." And so now here we are. So then don't tweet.
PERINO: Regret Island.
GUILFOYLE: More contestants for "Regret Island."
WILLIAMS: So -- and now a word from the boyfriend, whose name is Mod Sun, a rapper. Right? And he says...
WATTERS: What was that, Juan?
WILLIAMS: Mod Sun, is that -- am I wrong?
WATTERS: I have no idea.
WILLIAMS: I figured you knew the music.
GUTFELD: You figured Jesse is into rap.
WILLIAMS: He probably is, yes.
WATTERS: Not your stuff, Gutfeld.
WILLIAMS: So he says Rob Lowe is guilty of bullying Bella Thorne.
WATTERS: Yes, so he's dragging Rob Lowe through the mud.
So here's what I think about it.
GUILFOYLE: No pun intended.
WATTERS: As long as you're making confessions...
WATTERS: After having Bella Thorne moments, I'll -- probably shouldn't, but I'm going to make my own confession.
GUILFOYLE: Which one?
WATTERS: "Watters' World..."
WILLIAMS: We're back on "Regret Island."
WATTERS: The weekend show was supposed to debut about a year and a half ago. And we had taped the show, and we had it all ready to go. And then ISIS attacked Paris. And they had to bump my show.
And I'm thinking, "God, you know, they bumped my premier." And then I'm realizing, wait, a lot of people died in Paris. And that was really selfish.
But the difference was I didn't tweet about it.
WATTERS: And that's what you have to do.
It's also funny that Rob Lowe is now the voice of reason in Hollywood.
WATTERS: And I can't believe I'm saying this, but I actually agree with President Obama. President Obama was on the Letterman thing the other day, and he said this: "My presidency will be like a speck in history. It's just a speck. It's a small little moment in time."
And that's what people don't understand. They're so self-consumed in their own little world that they don't see the big picture in the world around them.
GUILFOYLE: Well, Regret Island is quite populous.
PERINO: One way to deal with this is to set yourself up, sign up for a local news alert on your phone. And then you'll know what is going on.
WATTERS: She's got the solution.
PERINO: I also think, at least she didn't actually target, like, the highway workers or a specific company. Because this is one of the worst trends on Twitter.
PERINO: When popular or influential people that have a lot of followers use Twitter as a way to shame a company and to try to get special favors for something that maybe happened to them that happens to every other person.
PERINO: And even it looks like they're trying to do it to try to help the overall thing, I think it makes people look very small. So I would say...
GUTFELD: Those are the worst tweets on the planet.
WATTERS: Don't you do that?
GUTFELD: No, it drives me crazy!
WATTERS: Yes, you do. When you're flying, I thought you did it all the time.
GUTFELD: No. I attack people. I don't attack companies.
PERINO: You do have this instinct, because you're in the moment and you're mad. You're like, you know what, airline? I'm about to do -- I'm about to light up your world. I would say check yourself before you tweet yourself.
WILLIAMS: Do you know what the cops once told me about traffic accidents? Most of them are caused by people who think, "This traffic is going too slowly, and I need to get where I'm going." And then they just act irresponsible.
PERINO: They're not dirty. David Brooks just wrote about that.
WILLIAMS: The pope even just said about this.
WILLIAMS: Anyway, don't move. "Fastest Seven," delightful, up next.
WATTERS: Welcome back. Time for...
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GRAPHIC: Fastest 7
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUILFOYLE: Oh, boy.
WATTERS: "The Fastest 7 Minutes in Television." Three stories, seven minutes, let's go.
First up, one of the biggest scandals in sports history brought to life again in the new film "I, Tonya." Nancy Kerrigan clubbed in the knee in 1994 right before the Olympics in a plot drummed up by the ex-husband of her competitor, Tanya Harding.
Harding now making the rounds to promote the film. The disgraced figure skater wants the world to believe she's the real victim.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
PIERS MORGAN, BRITISH JOURNALIST: Maybe it suits you to play the victim, but I think the victim in all this wasn't you. It was Nancy Kerrigan, who had her Olympic dream shattered, quite literally in her legs.
TANYA HARDING, FORMER OLYMPIAN: I think that we all -- thank you so much. I appreciate being on your show. But I think I'm going to have to say have a good night.
MORGAN: You're going to end the interview because I think that Nancy Kerrigan was the victim here, not you?
HARDING: You weren't letting me finish. I think many that people are the victim of abuse every single day.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
A reporter caught up with Kerrigan, and she says, quote, "I was the victim. That's my role in this whole thing. That's it."
I mean, really?
GUTFELD: I feel sorry for Nancy Kerrigan, especially after the Golden Globes when I really thought they had -- they had what's-her-face there at the awards.
GUTFELD: So you have celebrities lecturing us on, you know, never blaming victims, and they have, probably, an alleged perpetrator who attacked a woman. Or allowed that to happen.
WILLIAMS: You know what stunned me, was apparently, she wanted to charge journalists 25,000 bucks if you asked about Nancy Kerrigan.
PERINO: That's ridiculous!
WATTERS: That's a lot of money.
PERINO: Nancy Kerrigan is the victim. And this woman should have had better media training before she went out and did her press tour.
GUILFOYLE: If you're going to "good-night" somebody, then you better "good-night" them. Bam.
WATTERS: That's the Kimberly...
GUILFOYLE: Yes. Time is up.
WATTERS: Next up. David Letterman is back with a new series on Netflix. You might have noticed, he doesn't use a razor anymore. First guest, Barack Obama.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
BARACK OBAMA, FORMER PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES: One of the biggest challenges to our democracy is the degree to which we don't share a common baseline of facts. What the Russians exploited, but it was already here, is we are operating in completely different information universes. It you watch FOX News, you are living on a different planet then you are if you listen to NPR.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
WATTERS: OK. Cheap shot. Do you miss him?
PERINO: This is why I would say, Jesse, if you're going to helm "Fastest Seven..."
PERINO: ... you cannot choose a Barack Obama quote for the thing, because it takes up all the time.
WATTERS: Drive a truck through that pause. How about you?
GUTFELD: Who's homeless Santa?
WATTERS: You mean Letterman?
GUTFELD: This whole, like, "I am retired and I'm growing a big white beard thing," it started -- like the whole, like, Michael Stipe from REM, same thing. It's the thing -- it's this thing, like, "I no longer have to look good." But it's actually very conspicuous. It's basically saying, "I am so successful, I can look like homeless Santa."
GUILFOYLE: You relate to that?
WATTERS: I'd do that, but I can't grow a beard.
GUILFOYLE: Greg can relate to that, yes.
I find it terrifying. I don't know what Letterman is doing and what's going on in there. And I don't know.
But you know, it was an interesting interview enough, I guess.
WATTERS: It was? Letterman looked bored out of his mind.
GUILFOYLE: I don't know if it's worthy of "Fastest 7." Lowest 10, maybe.
WATTERS: All right.
GUILFOYLE: Greg's hit on the producers.
WILLIAMS: I mean, I didn't get that there was much meat to it. Except I read that he said he explained his dance moves to Letterman and his mom dance moves. So I guess that's like his mom jeans.
GUILFOYLE: Those very high-waisted mom jeans that were sort of, like, acid-washed.
WILLIAMS: There you go.
GUTFELD: By the way, the one takeaway -- I'm sorry. Was when the audience applauded because he finished the sentence, because they heard "Fox News." He was saying "Fox News" and "NPR," but they applauded before they got to NPR, because they were trained to think that way.
WATTERS: That's right. Like lemmings.
Finally, this video has been viewed more than 50 million times. We showed it to you earlier this week. A man trying to get in the car to go to work is taken down by the driveway beneath him. It was covered by a sheet of ice. He's OK and laughing about it along with the rest of us today.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Your wife, when you came inside after falling, the first thing she said was, "Let's look at that video," right?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Correct.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: On the security cam?
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Correct. Not how am I? Just check the video.
It's just funny. I laugh every time when I watch it.
I got a round of applause yesterday when I went to work. It's just surreal. I don't know how to describe this. People are reaching out to my wife and myself saying it made their day. That's -- that's been the best part of it.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
WATTERS: Fifty million views, Greg. He doesn't get paid for any of that.
GUTFELD: I studied the wrong video, when I saw the -- I thought it was the car during the storm going down in the mud.
GUILFOYLE: We had this on the show already. You know that, right?
GUTFELD: I know, but that's why I didn't think we were doing this. I thought it was a car in the mudslide.
WATTERS: Next time we will have you prepared.
WATTERS: OK. What about you?
PERINO: I just am so glad that he fell before he ran into the road where he could have been hit by a car.
WATTERS: Aw, Dana, you're so sweet.
GUILFOYLE: I'm just worried about a head injury.
WILLIAMS: You know what strikes me, is the security video. Every embarrassing moment in your life now is chronicled for all time. I mean...
GUTFELD: When you're on "The Five."
WILLIAMS: But your wife -- his wife, my gosh, boy, she really loves him, huh?
WATTERS: Kimberly, you've never fallen like that?
WATTERS: No. Never slipped up once?
GUILFOYLE: No videos of me like that.
WATTERS: No videos.
GUILFOYLE: There's some good videos but not of that.
WATTERS: None of that? OK. "Facebook Friday" when "The Five" returns.
(MUSIC: "I'd like to buy the world a Coke, and keep it company.")
GUTFELD: Very healthy drink, Coca-Cola.
"Facebook Friday." We have your questions.
I have it for breakfast. You should try it, too.
This is a great question from Edana F.: "What's the first thing you do when you get home from work?"
GUILFOYLE: Don't look at me. What? I was looking down.
GUTFELD: I know, I could tell.
GUILFOYLE: You don't take social cues very well.
GUTFELD: I'm the opposite of social cue expert.
GUILFOYLE: I really -- it depends. It depends!
GUTFELD: Usually you try to wake me up.
GUILFOYLE: What a freak. Let me tell you something...
GUTFELD: She calls me and she says, "Are you home?"
GUILFOYLE: You're on Regret Island, not Fantasy Island, buddy.
GUTFELD: Nicely done.
GUILFOYLE: Indeed. It depends on who I'm with. Let's say that.
Juan, first thing you do?
WILLIAMS: Well, I think the question might be headed in a different direction. But I'll tell you, literally the first thing I do is I wash off all this makeup.
GUTFELD: That's true. My wife goes nuts. Because if I forget that and it's all over the pillow cases.
WILLIAMS: Yes, it's everywhere.
GUTFELD: It's like the Shroud of Turin.
WATTERS: I just take off all my clothes.
WATTERS: No, I mean no. I just take off my shoes, Gutfeld. All right. I take off my shoes. And then I DVR "The Five," and I watch it.
GUILFOYLE: You watch yourself naked?
PERINO: You get dressed before you watch yourself?
GUTFELD: He watches himself...
GUILFOYLE: Naked. That's what he does!
GUILFOYLE: Yes, you do. You just said it.
WATTERS: Gutfeld, get your mind out of the gutter.
GUILFOYLE: You find yourself disgusting?
GUTFELD: Oh, jeez.
PERINO: I say hello to Peter and Jasper and then I do take my makeup off.
GUTFELD: That's good.
PERINO: Put my hair in a pony tail.
GUILFOYLE: Do you really?
GUILFOYLE: God, I so don't do that. I mean, I just don't.
GUTFELD: The first thing I do is...
GUILFOYLE: I stay like this.
GUTFELD: I unhook Steven from the basement chain.
PERINO: That's nice of you. It's a long day.
GUILFOYLE: What happened to Dobbs?
GUTFELD: Dobbs doesn't talk to me anymore.
Joanne D. This is a great question. An excellent question. Think about this one. Joanne D. asks, "Would you rather travel back in time to meet your ancestors or to the future to meet your descendants and why?"
PERINO: Well, that's easy for me.
GUTFELD: Why? What?
PERINO: Well, I don't have any descendants, so I'm going to have to go back in time. But I would love, love, love, love, love to go back in time and see my family.
GUTFELD: Yes? What if they're jerks?
PERINO: That's OK.
GUTFELD: Yes? They probably are. You know, people in way back then, they were definitely jerky.
PERINO: I would like to go and talk to them about their decision to -- to immigrate to America.
GUTFELD: All right. Good question. Jesse.
WATTERS: Well, the Watters family comes from a very long line of prestigious and noble men.
GUILFOYLE: Naked people.
WATTERS: From Norway.
GUILFOYLE: Supercilious Norwegians.
WATTERS: Yes. I'd go back, obviously.
GUTFELD: You'd go back, too.
WATTERS: I'd go back. I'd go back.
GUTFELD: I think just going back, Juan, I'd be disappointed. Everybody'd be disappointed, because you know, they don't -- they're not up on the latest trends, hygiene-wise. The 1700s was a smelly period.
WILLIAMS: Yes, kind of like what President Trump might call a...
GUTFELD: He turned middle ages.
WILLIAMS: All those people who are coming over here. Not acceptable.
GUILFOYLE: Here we go.
WILLIAMS: I would go forward.
WILLIAMS: Because you know what? I love history. So I always am curious. And, you know, being a black American, I -- there's huge holes going back, so I would fill in a lot of holes.
WILLIAMS: Yes, not that one.
GUTFELD: No, I mean, it was a play -- play on words.
WATTERS: You walked right into that one, Juan.
WILLIAMS: But going forward, I think it would be -- I mean, one of the questions I have in my mind as I get older is, you know, will I see my grandchildren, like, graduate and get married, stuff like that? I'd love...
PERINO: Yes, you will.
GUILFOYLE: He wants to see all the pictures so he can post them.
WILLIAMS: No, no. You know, I'm going to send them to Greg.
GUTFELD: "One More Thing."
Kimberly, would you rather go in the Flintstones' direction or the Jetsons' direction? Backwards or forwards?
GUILFOYLE: I would probably want to go backwards, believe it or not. I think so. I would be a little bit torn about it, you know, because it was good to go back, depending on how far you could go back. But then I would also probably like to, you know, see the descendants of my son.
GUTFELD: This question is irrelevant to me, because I will be living forever. My brain in a vat of nutrients. That's how it's going to be. I'll be there.
GUTFELD: Perfect world: no body, just my brain in a vat.
PERINO: No mouth?
GUTFELD: No mouth.
GUTFELD: No smiling. I'll be thinking about smiling. You know what makes me smile? "One More Thing."
WATTERS: Ah, perfect.
(MUSIC: "You've got a lot to live, and Pepsi's got a lot to...")
GUILFOYLE: What is wrong with you?
GUILFOYLE: It's time now for "One More Thing." Kimberly, you go first. Thanks.
GUILFOYLE: All right. This is a very cute story. Dana, you're going to love it.
PERINO: I'm paying attention.
GUILFOYLE: It's very nice. Happy ending for a sweet dog. And this is a dog that's a Pyrenees in Seminole, Oklahoma. Kathleen is a six-year-old. Look at her, so cute -- Great Pyrenees mix. When her owners moved and could not keep her, they gave her to someone who lived 20 miles away. She missed her old family, so not once but twice she walked 20 miles back home in search of them, to try to find them, to be reunited.
GUILFOYLE: The Seminole Humane Society took control and worked to find her a new home. We have very good news. There was tons of applications all across the country. And today, she has been adopted and will be moving to Texas to be with her new forever family.
WATTERS: All right.
GUILFOYLE: Isn't is that so sweet?
GUILFOYLE: She ate a little cheeseburger.
GUILFOYLE: Ate a little cheeseburger. Can you imagine? I kind of feel sad she can't be with that family. But nevertheless, thank you, Texas family. Great state of Texas.
PERINO: Peter had a dog in his life that did that once. So cute.
GUTFELD: All right. Enough about dogs, OK? Saturday, "Greg Gutfeld Show," 10 p.m. I've got Pete Hegseth. You know him. Comedian Alli Breen. She's hilarious. Kat Timpf, you know her. And of course, Tyrus.
Now it's time for something very important.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
GRAPHIC: Greg's Doppelganger News
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: "Greg's Doppelganger News." That's a foreign word for double. Anyway. Take a look at Fluffy McPawpaw over here, has happily met her double.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
(GRAY AND WHITE CAT WITH GRAY AND WHITE PLUSH CAT)
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: And they got along quite well, until she realized that her double is dead and stuffed.
GUTFELD: It's a terrible prank to play on Fluffy McPawpaw. Now she'll be in therapy for the remaining nine lives.
GUILFOYLE: OK. So no dog stories, but like, weird cat stories with a fake cat?
GUTFELD: Exactly. You figured me out.
GUILFOYLE: Yes, I'm onto you. Juan.
WILLIAMS: Well, talking about hating on TV. Look at this. One woman's trip to the bowling alley...
PERINO: Say what?
WILLIAMS: ... with her family in Brazil was a smash hit on local TV. And I mean really a hit. Watch as this woman practices her bowling technique.
GUILFOYLE: Oh, my God!
GUILFOYLE: Did she have to pay for that?
WILLIAMS: Instead of gliding down the lanes, the ball goes up so high it crashes into a television monitor hanging from the ceiling. I don't know if she had to pay for the TV, but obviously, this was a strike on the media. Terrible.
PERINO: Let me give her some lessons.
GUILFOYLE: Who's got to pay for that?
WILLIAMS: I don't know.
GUILFOYLE: Come on.
PERINO: They've got to have insurance.
GUILFOYLE: It's crazy.
GUTFELD: It is.
WATTERS: Well, I stole this from idea Greg.
GUTFELD: Oh, good.
WATTERS: And I admit it. But when I heard that his alma mater, Berkeley, was bringing in therapy llamas for the snowflakes who were stressed out about exams, I decided to bring my own therapy llama to the set of "Watters' World." Here's a taste.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
WATTERS: What's it got? It's got something.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: It's got a piece of hay in its mouth.
WATTERS: It's got...
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Take it out.
WATTERS: You want me to take the...
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: See if you can take it out. I think you can do it. I think you can do it.
WATTERS: Oh, oh! I touched its lip.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
WATTERS: OK. So the therapy llama and I had a nice time together. And you're going to see the whole thing, 8 p.m. Eastern Saturday night.
PERINO: You're really upping the ante on the Saturday night show. What are you going to do next week?
GUTFELD: I'm going to have two llamas.
WILLIAMS: By the way, here's what I heard around the building.
WATTERS: What's that?
WILLIAMS: The llama stinks.
WATTERS: That's true.
GUILFOYLE: All right.
PERINO: OK, I will go. So the Tour Down Under cycling race has begun in Australia. As one reporter prepared for her hit, watch this, a different story unfolded. So she's there just talking about it, talking about it. And this truck comes by and takes the whole thing down.
PERINO: Right there on live TV and didn't even stop. And these people spent all this time to put it up. But they got it up in time again for the first cyclists to pass through. And the race is just getting started and continues through through next week. It's hot down there, too.
WILLIAMS: That's strange.
PERINO: Not very good.
GUILFOYLE: Not as strange as the weird llama thing. I don't even know.
GUTFELD: Hard to care about bicyclists.
WATTERS: I have a lot of stress in my life.
GUILFOYLE: All right. By the way, you stressed out the llama. It needs a therapy llama.
GUILFOYLE: Set your -- yes. Set your DVRs. Never miss an episode of "The Five." Everybody have a great weekend. "Special Report" is next.
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